


we make the perfect kind of misery

by Brie (Kura)



Series: Let The World Know [19]
Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Elimination Chamber 2015, Extreme Rules, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Love Letters, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Panic Attacks, Payback 2015, Royal Rumble, Seth's Betrayal, Seth's Injury, SummerSlam 2015, Valentine's Day, Wrestlemania 31, insecure!Seth, kevin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-03-09 11:05:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 73,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3247334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kura/pseuds/Brie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>They don't speak after that but Seth isn't ready to hang up, wants Dean's voice to be the last thing he hears before he goes back to sleep. His brother fulfills him this untold wish – Seth's mind is already wrapped up in puffy clouds of cotton, darkness tugging at his consciousness –, whispering promisingly, 'I'll find you.'</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i only miss you when i'm breathing

**Author's Note:**

> This only happened because I was so disappointed at the reaction Roman got. I intially wanted to post it over at LTHI because it's so short, but it belongs in here. Don't get too excited (or not), I'm not really back yet. This takes place directly after the RR. Have a nice day, lovelies!

**January 26** **th** **, 2015  
04:37 am**

Darkness.

That's the first and only thing he sees as soon as he opens his eyes. He has no idea where he is, what time it is or who's snoring in the adjacent room. Hopefully it's Kane. Knowing his luck, it's his so-called security.

It's so damn dark because someone closed the blinds, shutting out all moonlight. Seth can't even recall how he got here. His match with Brock and John is a hazy memory that flickers in and out of his mind like a broken light, waiting for him to grasp it but right now he doesn't really care.

All he remembers is that he failed to win the title, getting pinned by none other than Brock himself and that's all he needs to know.

Now that his brain is somewhat functioning again, it reminds him of all the physical agony he went through tonight, his whole body starting to ache at the same time; the onslaught of pain almost too much for him to handle. Seth barely manages to hold on to consciousness, forcing himself to sit up and watch the match he'd missed.

Without checking anyone's Twitter, he starts the Rumble, skipping the first few minutes since he knows Dean will enter at #25, having stolen Fandango's number to leave behind his original draw – coincidentally the eleven, just like last year. So he fast-forwards a good part of the match, frowning at Bray Wyatt and Daniel Bryan being eliminated so early.

He doesn't even have to turn up the volume, he can hear the crowd's reaction the moment Daniel's feet hit the floor. This doesn't bode well for the rest of the match. It's a bit sad to watch that the fans don't seem to understand that no one's trying to bury Bryan.

One man alone can't carry the company. There's too much competition going on in the locker room, too many good guys – himself included – who want to grab that brass ring.

Watching the rest of the Royal Rumble turns out to be even worse than he thought. When Roman's music echoes through the arena – still not able to drown out the nasty catcalls; as if the, well, he's reluctant to call them _fans_ now, want to boo him out of the building – Seth feels horribly sick.

He can't believe that _this_ happened while he was out cold, his body taking its time to recuperate a bit before giving him his awareness back.

Actually, right now his very soul is breaking apart for three different reasons. One: the pop and cheers Dean got the moment he entered the brawl, but that he didn't have any chance to really shine. After all he went through in the past few months, Seth had desperately wished for Dean to break this curse – as his friend likes to call it.

Two: he knows that this should be the reason for the most heartbreak but one thing stings more than all the negative and completely undeserved reaction his brother got throughout and after the match.

And that's three: the short moment in which Dean pulled Roman close to rest their foreheads together, showing the whole world that they're in this together until the very end. Just the two of them. He knows that Dean didn't mean to hurt him, did it to encourage a bleeding Roman and himself, but it almost brought Seth to tears because he suddenly felt so left out that he clutched at his chest, his breathing turning ragged.

So he does the only thing that makes sense to him in a moment of utter despair and with a gloominess in his heart that threatens to overpower him. He calls Dean, even though it's twenty minutes after five in the morning.

'Look who woke up from his Lesnar induced coma,' his friend greets him sleepily, tone light and kind of relieved, voice barely above a teasing whisper. It's like someone released the vice-like grip around his insides and that first calm inhale is the most satisfying thing he's done in a while.

He still has no clear memory of what happened in his own match, but since he continues to be Mr Money In The Bank, Seth isn't too keen on finding out how and why he lost. All he hopes for is that he put up a real good fight and dragged both of his opponents down to hell with him.

'Very funny,' Seth deflects, rubbing over his sore left shoulder. Every muscle, bone, heck, every _cell_ in his body burns. Feeling this, he can't believe he survived tonight without a major injury. 'Just watched the Rumble, Rome alright?'

Dean sighs and Seth can hear how hard he's trying to keep his composure. 'He's sleeping now. Had a hard time coping with the crowd's reaction, all the crap going on with people canceling the Network, fans sending him death threats, wanting a refund and all that bullshit. Bunch of crybabies.'

Whoa, whoa, whoa, what? What's wrong with all those fans? Last year they booed because Roman didn't win the Rumble and tonight they suddenly decided he was not good enough just because their chosen man is back? He really likes the guy, but this is not fair.

And Seth knows best what it's like to have foreign people yell at you to _fucking die, you worthless piece of shit_ or _I'll murder you in your sleep. I know where you live_. That stuff's creepy as hell and no one deserves that. He's really glad Dean had Rome's back in the match and Dwayne was there to cheer his brother up.

'Now?' he queries, not having missed the way Dean had put emphasis on that word. 'Yeah, was pretty bummed even though he made it and went out to have a drink with his three cousins. A little family reunion.'

Okay, did he hit his brain or something? Did Brock kill him with one of those F-5s – no wonder the Undertaker had a concussion after three of them at last year's Wrestlemania; that gorilla doesn't give a damn about how people land, just throws them around the ring until they stop moving – and he's in hell now because Seth thinks he heard Dean say he wasn't with his soulmate when he needed him the most.

'Without you?' Seth can't help it, the question sounds utterly wrong, making him wince slightly. He doesn't want to be so pissed every time his brothers celebrate their friendship, but he can't stop the anger bubbling up inside of him, the hurt and envy eating at him.

No matter what he'll do in the future, how he'll fix The Shield, it'll never be the same again. Dean and Roman – much less the fans – won't ever be able to trust him like they did before. This is his fault, and his alone. He ruined that for himself and now he has to live with his brothers growing closer each day, even though he's having this weird, not really long-distance relationship with Dean.

But he can't dwell on that now either. This is something he has to deal with once his brain doesn't feel like mush and his body isn't so heavy and immobile as if cement is running through his veins.

Dean snickers lightly, the sound soft enough to not wake Roman. 'He knows what I think of him winning. Plus, we were sure you'd call sooner or later and I didn't feel like partying anyway.' There's definitely more to that but for now Seth is okay with letting it rest, since he has a pretty good idea why his brother stays away from alcohol these days.

'I'm so sorry for the reaction he got.' If only he could do something to change this. God, he actually fears what'll happen on RAW and Smackdown now. Hunter will love it, he and Steph revel in Roman's misery but Seth will have to play along, act like he is mad he didn't cause this himself.

With Sting screwing things up for no apparent reason, the Authority needs something to hold on to and this might be it. RAW's gonna be hell, even though Roman was entitled to win because he fought hard for this. He was the last man standing and Seth will bite everyone's head off who tries to take this away from him.

His brother has been busting his butt ever since he joined FCW, never slows down a minute to improve his skills in the ring and on the mic every day; to finally be good enough for all those people who say he doesn't deserve everything he works so hard for.

'Not your fault, kiddo,' Dean reminds him with a warm, tender murmur before he heaves a long-suffering sigh, most likely rubbing the bridge of his nose, annoyed with all the drama going on.

'But Ro's gonna go to Wrestlemania, he'll be in the main event, no matter how much people bitch and whine about it. Daniel had his moment last year, he'll get another one soon enough. Ro has earned this, won fair and square and I'll rip everyone who dares to threaten him in my presence to shreds, so let's talk about the second truly impressive thing tonight.'

What could possibly compare to Roman finally winning the big one to get a chance at beating the one behind the one in so many ones that Seth stopped counting a long time ago? The only thing he proved tonight is that Brock isn't inhuman. He can be defeated with the right strategy.

'Huh?' he blurts out very eloquently, closing his eyes to lie back down, sensing a bad headache coming.

' _You_ , idiot features,' Dean groans and Seth can practically hear him roll his eyes. So he did go down fighting? That's good. More than good. He bragged so much before the match, he kind of feared he couldn't back it up. 'Hitting him with the Phoenix Splash? That was fucking genius. You were–'

Dean stops himself, searching for the right words but after a whole minute of awkward silence and quiet gasps whenever his brother thinks he's found one to describe his performance he just gives up, hoping that Seth gets him anyway.

And he does. It's pretty sweet to see Dean speechless. It's even more awesome that he's aware Seth can do that move, knows its name because he'd used that back in ROH and Dean never officially saw him there. Which means he's watched old matches of him too.

Winning the title or not, this – Dean being a considerate, way too caring boyfriend – is by far the best thing happening to him tonight. Ever. It almost makes him forget the raging jealousy he felt earlier. Almost.

'I'm proud of you, buddy. You proved the whole world that you're part of the future and that there's always something you haven't shown us yet.' He still owes the WWE Universe God's Last Gift, but after tonight, after what they did to Rome, he'll think twice about pleasing them.

Dean clears his throat, the obvious internal struggle making Seth giggle. Too much lovey-dovey stuff for Mr Ambrose, he gets it. Honestly, that was even more than he ever expected. He and Rome surely had a moment of their own before their brother fell asleep, the whole thing draining all of Dean's batteries.

'We really wanted to come out after the match and help you stagger backstage.' And yet, his partner never ceases to amaze him. It doesn't even matter that he wrapped that up in cynicism to take the severity out of those words. Since it's confession time anyway, Seth also has a little secret to tell.

'I was so out of it, for a moment I thought you were there, holding me, patting my head, but then I saw the flash of white and I thought _Dean would never voluntarily wear a dress shirt_.' His brother snorts into the phone but Seth's still able to hear very clearly how much he longs for him.

Before he can say anything, Dean beats him to it, promising, 'Tomorrow, I'll find you. No matter what.' They'll see each other in a dark and forsaken corner of the arena, so Seth can seek shelter in his brother's arms before he has to go out there and figure out what to do next. Dean would even walk through the blizzard to be with him.

Poor Roman though. What happened earlier makes all the hate he received after turning on his brothers look like a walk in the park. Not even Dwayne was able to mollify the fans. Seriously, Roman doesn't owe anyone anything. He's doing this job to entertain people, puts his body on the line every day and still the fans don't appreciate his efforts. This is ridiculous.

'People cheered for me.' He didn't mean to say it out loud, feels like he's not allowed to be jubilant about this after what happened to Roman, yet he has to smile when he thinks back at the pop he got once his music hit.

Sure, people still boo him – he doesn't expect anything else – but perhaps they realize that Seth is capable of changing the business, that he is as good as he claims to be. He's not fooling himself, this is not the signal of people forgiving him. But it could be the first sign of the fans starting to accept the new him, just like Dean believes for so many weeks already.

'They better do.'

Warmth spreads through his veins, making him feel alive and loved, the friendliness of this situation lulling him back to sleep. Dean seems to catch on to his exhaustion, because his next words are even quieter than before, still they lack any hesitation.

'You gonna cash in on him at Mania?' Neither of them doubts that Roman will be the one to defeat The Beast, least of all Dean. The faith he has in his best friend is unwavering. If Rome ever turns on him, Dean won't survive it.

Seth hums tiredly, opening his mouth to let the words just tumble out. 'The Authority isn't satisfied with Brock as Champion and the thought of Rome being it doesn't make them any happier. You'll fulfill your promise and prevent me from succeeding, right?'

He doesn't want to take anything away from his big brother. Sure, he yearns to be the World Heavyweight Champion but not at Rome's expense. If he cashes in on him – and he's certain Hunter will force him to do so –, all he worked for so hard ever since June would evaporate.

'Sure thing,' his friend reassures him immediately, but for some reason Seth has the sinking feeling that come that fateful day, Dean won't rush to his aid for one sole reason and this time it has nothing to do with him enjoying Brock beating the shit out of Seth.

He just has to hope that Dean will change his mind until March because Seth sure doesn't want to ruin Rome's moment of glory.

A loud cough comes from the room next to his, the door separating their bedrooms slightly ajar. Well, damn. Next time he calls Dean in the middle of the night he should check if no one else can listen in on him, putting two and two together.

But Seth's too tired and beat up to move and close it, so he thinks it's best to end this conversation before he risks getting caught. That cough didn't exactly sound like Kane, so he has to be cautious. And having talked to his friend, knowing that Roman is hurt but ecstatic he won, is all he could ask for.

'I miss you.' Every second of the day he's not able to spend with him, with every breath he takes, every step he walks, every word he says. Dean stays silent for a while before he mutters, 'Me too.'

They don't speak after that but Seth isn't ready to hang up, wants Dean's voice to be the last thing he hears before he goes back to sleep. His brother fulfills him this untold wish – Seth's mind is already wrapped up in puffy clouds of cotton, darkness tugging at his consciousness –, whispering promisingly, 'I'll find you.'


	2. i'm only interested if i can have you for life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Happy no one gets fucked today day._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you can forgive me that I dragged Roman, J&J Security and Kane to the live tour for this rather sappy chapter. Let's call this artistic freedom =) Also, no Seth drama. Okay? Okay. 
> 
> Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. I hope you're not as alone as I am today *hugs*

**February 14th, 2015  
Abu Dhabi, UAE**

He's hated the idea of performing in Abu Dhabi on Valentine's Day ever since someone told him the schedule for February, because it screwed up his whole plans of having a romantic dinner with Dean at home in Davenport. Though, _romantic_ would be an exaggeration.

No fancy candlelight stuff with rose petals scattered all over the floor and his bed and a homemade meal because, well, because of reasons. But he got hold of Guardians of the Galaxy and Big Hero 6, so he can admire Lee Pace's voice, they finally see Dave's acting and simultaneously have something to laugh _and_ cry about. He also wanted to make some popcorn, mix them alcohol-free cocktails and get some sushi from the delivery service.

Just a relaxed, normal evening at home which is a rarity in itself and thus the perfect date for their very first Valentine's Day.

But now he has to spend it with Joey and Jamie – and Kane, but he doesn't really mind his presence –, unable to sneak away like he can back home. He's never been more alone than right now and he's spend a lot of lonely Valentine's Days back when he'd been a teenager.

It's not like he has a decent gift for Dean but he has _something_ and he wants to give it to his boyfriend, no matter how much it sucks. However, Joey won't leave him out of sight, which is why he throws all his plans overboard and pulls Kane to the side to hand him an envelope.

'Could you put this in Dean's duffel, so he'll see it before the show starts?' He has heard rumors that his brothers have already arrived at the arena to fool around in the ring a bit, taking their heads off all the stuff that weighs them down at the moment.

Contrary to him, Kane can get access to their stuff more easily and without raising that much suspicion. Seth is in no condition to come up with ways to explain why he's sniffling around in his former Shield buddy's suitcase. And he really doesn't want people talking to a point Hunter gets wind of it.

'Since you asked so nicely,' his big friend replies, taking the envelope to clap him on the back and walk out of the door. Seeing the man disappear around the corner, Seth can't help but think about his half-brother and how much Dean trusts the Undertaker to take care of Bray at Wrestlemania.

After having his streak ripped away from him, Seth can't fathom how he can get back up to compete at the same event, only that this time it's about his legacy. If he loses, Bray's gonna walk around, falsely thinking and claiming he's the new Phenom – and then they're all screwed.

He respects the man for agreeing to help Dean get revenge once he was unable to beat Wyatt himself, but Seth is still unsure if Taker's head is really in the game after everything that happened at last year's Wrestlemania. Losing everything he worked so hard for his entire career... He can't imagine anything worse.

It doesn't take long for Kane to come back – Seth only had time to tape his wrists, though he has to admit that he wasn't in a particular hurry to begin with. The start of the show is still three hours away. His friend nods at him to not interrupt the conversation Seth and Jamie have, even if he's only listening and not doing a good job of that either. In fact, he has no idea what they're talking about.

It doesn't matter though. As soon as he sees Kane grin at him and knows that the mission is over, his heartbeat picks up. Not in anticipation but in fear. What if Dean thinks he's a lazy idiot for giving him _that_ on Valentine's Day? Then again, his brother knows him better than anyone, so he should be prepared for this.

But still, will he be disappointed because he dared to hope for more? He sure is the worst boyfriend that ever walked the earth.

J&J keep yapping at him but Seth's mind isn't even here anymore. He keeps asking himself if he'd have a more decent gift if they'd been back in the States and since he can't come up with an answer to that, he hangs his head, which turns out to be a good thing.

Otherwise he'd have completely missed how his second phone – the one he uses for family and friends, which means his brothers, Kane, Taker and the Hardys – lights up, showing him that he just got a message. He's slightly disappointed that Roman's name pops up, but he won't complain.

Not when he feels like the only person that survived an apocalypse and only now realizes he's not alone after all.

_i know it says dean but it ended up in my stuff  
so can i read it too_

Seth snorts and looks up to see Joey and Jamie frown at him while Kane just sits there, fixing his tie, since he's their babysitter on this tour. 'Some random chick,' he grits out a hopefully good enough lie, rolling his eyes to show his annoyance.

He really wishes he wouldn't have to hide and betray everyone anymore but this is the life he has chosen when he turned on his brothers, so he has to live through every agonizing second of it. Talking about digging his own grave.

_As if he won't tell you everything the moment he's done. Just let him read it first, please._

It bothers him a tiny bit that Dean shares literally everything with Roman, but then again he can understand it. They're brothers, best friends and everything in between and it's his own fault that they grew together even closer. But at times like this he wishes Dean would stop punishing him with going to Rome first.

_sure thing  
happy vday seth_

Yeah. Nothing for him to celebrate, but he sends back a _Happy Valentine's Day, Rome_ , putting his cell in his golden briefcase because he knows J&J won't touch that unless he orders them to.

To take his mind off his loneliness and temporary companions, he starts doing sit-ups and handstands, warming himself up for his match later. Seth tries hard not to listen to his cheerleaders spurring him on but their voices fill his aching head. It's making him really uncomfortable.

'Your fan wrote you again,' Kane rumbles after a while, thankfully interrupting everything. 'Can't get enough of you,' Jamie snickers and playfully bumps into Joey while Seth puts his legs back on the ground. Roman texting him can only mean that Dean read his embarrassing letter, so he should prepare himself for some brotherly teasing.

But the message is from Dean. Oh no. Seriously, why did he think a stupid love letter would be a good idea? He'll never hear the end of this. Why does he suck so much at coming up with gifts for his own boyfriend? The only good idea he had was the destruction of that car.

He's no longer entitled to being called the smart one.

_Happy no one gets fucked today day._

Wow. That's the loveliest message he's ever received. And such a great harbinger for what's still to come. Dean and Roman are probably sitting somewhere backstage, laughing about his note while Rome expresses his disbelief that their brother fell for someone like him.

Hopefully Dolph will knock him out so badly that he'll forget the last twenty-four hours completely.

_Gonna read your thing now before Ro rips it out of my hands. By the way we have a fight later so don't bring disgrace on us._

Oh no. No, no, no. He hasn't even read the damn thing yet? What the heck has he been doing all day long? The show starts in twenty minutes. Please let there be a giant whole in the ground that'll swallow him whole on his way to the ring. He will never be able to face Dean again. Which is unfortunate, since he now has a match against him. What happened to Dolph?

Before he can text his friend to not, under no circumstances, read it he gets another message; one that shuts him up completely because he's suddenly very busy trying to find out what it means. And it's so much easier to focus on that than thinking about Dean reading his silly, sappy thoughts in this very moment, only a few meters away from him.

_Oh and you'll get your present on Tuesday. Couldn't take it with me._

* * *

Hey Dean,

I know this is probably not what you've expected for Valentine's Day. Trust me, it definitely isn't what I wanted to give you but it's impossibly hard to come up with a spectacular and thoughtful gift for you. I really don't know how you make it look so easy all the time.

Anyway, since I didn't want to only present me and my buff body to you (though you know we have a date on Tuesday and you can do anything you want then), I sat down, threw Joey and Jamie out of my hotel room and tried to finally write down what has been going on in my mind for so long.

Since this is our first Valentine's Day together. Which is so ironic because it's also the first we actually spend apart.

I don't think I need to tell you what that key is for. You've beaten me to that idea yourself but let me just say that you're always welcome. Mi casa es tu casa. You can also bring some stuff of yours over, if you ever want to go to my place – or our place, I guess – instead of Vegas. Though I know how much you love your desert.

But this is not what I wanted to talk about. I've been doing some thinking; a lot to be honest and I can't help it but I feel like I need to thank you. For, you know, letting me back into your life after what I did in June. It's not a given that you could forgive me after I sold out and I am very grateful that you didn't let me go.

That you agreed to hear me out and decided to give me a second chance. You've always been the one that never gives up. It's because of you that Roman and I are able to get up when someone beats us down, because you simply refuse to let anything conquer or defeat you. I admire your strength, I really do.

I know you don't want to talk about June or what happened before, but I do. You need to understand how scared I was after the Royal Rumble. We were a team in that match and I was so overjoyed about how we worked together to stay in it. But then I got eliminated because of you. Insignificant, right? You might think what has that to do with anything?

Honestly, it doesn't. But that night showed me something. When I call, you come running. You don't even need to think twice about it. I was so irate that you cost me a chance to headline Wrestlemania but at the same time I couldn't have been happier.

Once we got Rome to finally fall asleep that night, you looked at me all unguarded and I realized that you're keeping me alive; because of you I want to get better and better. You're more than I ever could dream of. And then you smiled at me and turned the lights off and everything was great. Until the darkness allowed my doubts to surface.

Suddenly the thought of you loving me made me panic, was downright suffocating. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to make you happy, to be worthy of you, but I also asked myself if this was really what I wished for. Now that you were within reach, I started feeling weird. Unsatisfied. Like I would close the door on everything that could be if I'd say yes.

I tried to ignore it, to push these thoughts aside because I have had feelings for you all along.You have a heart of gold and it seemed so surreal that I was the one you had chosen for yourself. I always thought Roman would be a better and more obvious choice.

In the end, my doubts and envy made me retreat – first emotionally and then physically during our match against the Wyatts. Using yours and Rome's squabbling as an excuse wasn't my best idea ever but it wasn't entirely a lie either. I was in dire need of some time off to clear my head but I only hurt you in the process of finding myself.

So I asked for the summit and Roman pushed you away from me so I could explain myself. You know it was a big pile of crap, that I was hiding the real reason from you but you somehow still – albeit a big grumpily – forgave me. Because you trusted me with your life and didn't think I was such a chickenshit.

I have no clue how you do it but you never gave up on me (not completely), not even when I joined the Authority. You're the one person in my life that should – because of your past – walk around with blinders on and Stone Cold's don't-trust-anyone attitude, but you've welcomed me with open arms time and time again. You never once hesitated to love me.

I can't understand how you're always so sure of everything. It seems like you never stop to doubt or re-think your decisions.

After the summit, I thought I was ready. For everything. You were confident about your feelings and us and you never made a big deal out of it. As if falling for me didn't scare you too. You wanted me, not Roman. (Yes, this is still a big thing for me.)

It felt... too good to be true. Like I was waiting for you to admit you were just joking. That you wanted to fool around a bit because you were curious. So I did the single most stupid thing ever.

I decided to hurt you in the worst possible way before you could stab me in the heart. And then Hunter approached me, told me about his plan B and what I could achieve with him by my side, but all I saw was an easy way out. I didn't care about the fame, the money or even bringing the Authority down from within. All I cared about was getting away from the responsibility and the heartbreak I was dead sure I'd suffer if I stayed.

I wasn't ready to be with you, so I ran away to finally be able to breathe again. Funny, because I never could. Not without you. The moment I saw the betrayed look in your eyes I knew I'd made the biggest mistake of my life.

Which is why, since then, I try to make amends, to be the partner you have earned. You mean everything to me. You're the first thought I have when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. I can't live without you and boy, have I tried.

When I walk away, you run right after me, no matter if I left you high and dry in the ring or beat you up with a chair until you couldn't move anymore or disappointed you once again. You come after me, too you to give us up. It's what you do and let's face it, I don't deserve that, your faith, this second chance or you.

After everything that I've done to you and Roman, you're still right next to me. You are able to forgive even the deadliest of all sins and that's something not everyone is capable of. I'm really lucky.

Dean, you're all I need and God knows all I ever wanted. I was stupid enough to let you go once, I won't make the same mistake twice. You don't take shit from anybody, especially not me but you also look out for me – even when people are around. You care and that's a gift I never thought I'd be entitled to receive. I can't get enough of you, not even when you go on my nerves.

I know you and Roman share this bond that nothing can compare to, but for me you are my partner in crime. Only you can bring me to my knees just to help me back up again.

You're loud and bossy, shy and quiet, surprisingly eloquent – if you want to – and such a fanboy, loud-mouthed and cocky. You think with your heart and shoot before you ask any questions. If you ask at all. You're ruled by your instincts and you have this quirky charm that draws everybody in. You're chaotic and eccentric and unpredictable; your past is a big question mark but all of that is not important.

Well, it is, because it makes you you, but that's not what I mean. What matters is that you're here, with me, even though I turned on you more than once. I can never make up for this or show you enough gratitude for being so kind-hearted and patient to give me yet another chance.

I think I never thanked you for asking me to join your crusade back in the days, for believing in me even though I had treated you like some random whack job. Thanks for never giving up on me, even when I refused your 'offer' – it was more an order and we both know it – the first, I don't know, maybe five times; for seeing something inside of me.

I'd still be me without you, but I'm a much better person thanks to you. I haven't earned your love quite yet but you give it to me anyway, so I promise you here and now that I'll try to never hurt you again. I'll become the man that only you saw in me all these years ago and the partner you deserve.

Happy Valentine's Day.  
S

* * *

**February 16th, 2015  
Davenport, Iowa**

'So, you'll take this with you to your grave or what? Dean, I swear to God, I'll pester you–' 'More than you already are?' his friend interjects, voice cracking slightly due of the bad connection. So much for spending today together to celebrate a belated Valentine's Day.

'This is not funny,' he hisses, stirring the pancake batter angrily. He knew they should've taken the same flight from Orlando after the show last night, but no, Casanova here wanted to go back to Vegas very quickly – ha, ha – to pick something up and now he missed the plane. That's so typical. The universe doesn't want Seth to be happy.

And to make things worse, Dean also refuses to talk about his letter. Sure, Seth knows that his brother likes to pretend things never happened but he poured his heart out, told him point-blank that he feels threatened by the friendship he and Roman share and how sorry he is for everything; that he's head over heels for his partner and so freaking afraid of disappointing or leaving him again.

Dean might have the patience of an angel but sooner or later he'll give up on him too.

'Just say something,' he begs, throwing the stirring spoon into the sink to sit down at the table and rest his forehead on it. Dean sighs annoyed but doesn't continue to make fun of him like he used to in the past two days. 'I dunno what you wanna hear.'

To be honest, Seth isn't sure about that either. He knows it's unfair to force Dean to promise him he'll never up and leave. No one can predict the future and a lot of things can change. But there must be something that was at least thought-provoking.

'You don't need to apologize anymore, Seth. I just don't ever wanna hear anything about 2014 again. If I could, I'd say that year never happened. Look, you made mistakes, I made some wrong decisions. We're both not innocent.' Seth was the only one who took off, but it's so alleviating to hear Dean is willing to take some of the guilt that's weighing him down.

'It's over now, we've moved on. Ro is not a danger to you or our relationship and I won't. Go. Anywhere. We've fought so hard to get here, didn't we? Let the past rest, Seth.' Fine, he'll try. But it's going to be hard since he still has to mend so much.

Dean's quiet for a few minutes, the distant buzz of a busy airport the only thing keeping him company until his friend speaks on. 'Thanks for all the flattering stuff though, Shakespeare.'

He chuckles and gets up again to cook those damn pancakes. Dean will eat them hot or cold either way, just because Seth made them himself even though he tends to burn everything. 'When will you be here?' His brother hums pensively, checking his watch, estimating the time it'll take him to fly over.

'Don't expect me till midnight.' Great. This is so not how he imagined his days off. He's been yearning to lie on the couch in Dean's arms for months now. He knows they have all of Wednesday, but it's just so frustrating because they never have enough time for anything.

It was easier when they still had a feud going on. Seth wishes he and Roman could have a proper one to apologize for what Hunter did to his big brother after he won the Royal Rumble too. Sure, he told Rome about the plan and begged him to not fall for it, but his friend agreed to prove he's worthy of that opportunity.

If they had a chance to take it all out in the ring, Seth could come back to them sooner, but something always seems to get in their way. The time for his redemption just never seems to be right.

'Hey, don't be all mopey and sullen. I'll make up for it.' Pssh. It's not like he can blame his brother, since the real reason they saw each other on Saturday but couldn't be together is he himself. 'Yeah, sure, whatever. Just wake me up, okay? I want to enjoy every second I have alone with you.'

Dean hangs up without saying goodbye, one of his sweet yet pesky habits, and Seth stares at the stove, willing his kitchen to come to life and make some perfect chocolate pancakes all by itself. Of course nothing happens. He's smart, not the Lord of the Electrical Appliances.

An hour later he's covered in more batter than he will ever confess to anyone and has a total amount of three unburnt pancakes. Out of the twenty he did. 'I thought you wouldn't be able to make more than one. You're getting better, Betty Crocker,' Dean says and Seth grins proudly, ripping a tiny piece off of a too thick one.

'I have a good teacher,' he retorts, hand freezing in mid-air. Seth whips his head around and almost throws the rest of the pancake at his friend's face. What the heck's he doing here so early? And how could he not hear Dean sneak in his own house?

'No hug, kiss or welcome home boner?' Dean asks, his smile lighting up the room and Seth doesn't care about the poor state of his shirt and embraces his brother, flinging his arms around him to breathe in his scent mixed with the one of Seth's house.

Dean just called this place his home and that's even better than seeing his brother use the key Seth gave him on Valentine's Day. Now they really share everything and it's _awesome_. Not daunting as it used to be. He has no idea why he was so scared of this only a year ago.

'You lied to me,' he accuses his friend after a long _I'm so glad you're here, let's totally bang later_ kiss and they both laugh. 'Had to, so I could pick him up without you snooping around.' Pick who up? Don't tell him he brought Roman. Seth walks into the foyer and checks it for anyone else, but Dean seems to have come here alone.

'Him?' An unshaved face lights up, the sight throwing Seth back twenty or so years and he suddenly regrets not having been there in Dean's childhood to see this expression in all its mischievous glory. But then again, that wasn't exactly a time his brother had a lot of reasons to be jubilant.

His partner walks past him and points at a small cardboard box standing next to his duffel at the staircase. 'Say hello to Kevin,' Dean announces while Seth opens it and looks in the big brown eyes of a Yorkshire Terrier. No way. His friend got him a puppy?

'You always complain about how lonely you are, so I thought Kev could accompany you from now on.' He carefully hugs the dog to his chest to bury his nose in its fur, closing his eyes to not show Dean how hard he's fighting the tears right now. This– _god freaking dammit_.

Dean continues to be so considerate while all he could come up with was a stupid letter that didn't even say everything he wants his friend to know. 'I love it,' he whispers, not able to lift his head and meet his brother's gaze. It's not necessary though since Dean gently hugs him from behind, one hand patting Kevin on the tiny head.

'Let's catch some sleep upstairs, I'm dead beat.' Cuddling with his boyfriend and the newest member of their family? Sounds like a solid plan to him. To hell with those pancak– or not. 'Hm, tashty,' Dean moans sinfully, mouth full with all the perfect ones. 'Shomeone deshervesh a shpe– special treatment tonight.'

Seth walks in front of Dean, Kevin licking happily at his arm, and snorts, 'What, a punch in the dick maybe?' An amused laughter echoes through the hall and he gets a playful clap on his butt. 'Careful, or I'll force Kevin to watch his master beg for mercy. I still have those handcuffs.'

Now it's his time to snicker and he gives his – their? – dog a peck on the head, giggling uncontrollably when Dean tickles his sides, 'You wish, old man.'


	3. all i can do is keep believing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _No one makes me their bitch, least of all Randy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for [RavennAmbrosio](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/6607996/) who requested a little something about Randy's attack on Seth. Thanks for kicking me in the butt, otherwise I probably would have waited until Wrestlemania (or longer) with updating =)

**March 9th, 2015  
Randy Orton & Seth Rollins vs. Roman Reigns**

'I'm gonna kill him.'

Roman sighs and drags a furious Dean further down the hall, away from gorilla – just in case he will break free and storm down the ramp to, well. Honestly, he's not quite sure if his friend is referring to Seth or Randy and while he wouldn't mind to gang up on Orton, he wants to play it safe.

'Lemme go, I'll fucking kill him,' Dean repeats, squirming in his arms but Roman won't release his grip. If he wants this to stop, then Dean shouldn't continue to watch how Randy hurts their baby brother on his iPhone. 'You can't. We promised.'

And they've been morons to agree to this plan. Though Roman has to say that Dean has always been against it, because they're not the Shield anymore and no one would be there to help Seth.

They knew this day would come, they just didn't think it'd be that soon. Whenever Seth had said things like _Randy will wait until I'm all alone_ or _he has to feel safe, thinking_ I _feel safe_ Roman wanted to interject, knowing full well what a beating by The Viper feels like. He never did, since this is something Seth _has_ to do and no one understands that better than he and Dean.

The moment he saw Stephanie kick out Kane and Big Show he could tell that tonight would be _the_ night, but he really wished those two wouldn't have exploded for Dean's sake. His best friend isn't exactly in a dark place at the moment – he's actually having tons of fun pissing off Wade and everyone else who dares to copy his title stealing idea – but he's still not ready to watch Seth get manhandled by someone who isn't part of the family without being able to do something about it.

He can't even attack Randy on next week's Raw or ever; they're completely hogtied and it feels like the end of the world.

'You won't do a thing, is that understood?' Dean trashes around, trying to throw some punches at him but in the end it's more important to watch the footage than fight against Roman's vice-like embrace. Interfering in this puny vengeance thing would thwart Seth's plans, so they have to stay out of it, no matter how much it pains them.

'One day,' Dean hisses with a lot of venom in his voice, wincing when Seth gets hit by a chair – the smacking sound echoing loudly in the hallway –, 'I will and you won't be able to stop me then.' And one day he won't be against that idea. But it was Seth's explicit wish to stay out of this.

No one really thought Randy would just let this matter go, even if he wasn't as hurt as Dean had been when he got Curb Stomped through a pile of cinderblocks. Seth knew the other was doing what he himself is trying for over nine months now: infiltrating the Authority to bide his time and wait for the perfect moment to strike.

_'Guys, you have to trust me. I got this,' Seth comforts them, walking their motel room up and down, throwing his hands around animatedly. Dean only groans and shakes his head before he grabs a pillow to fling it at Seth's face as hard as he can. 'Trust you? That's suicide. Ro, back me up.'_

_It is rather dangerous and goes against everything Roman has sworn to do as their big brother but if Seth willingly refuses his protection, he can't do much to convince him otherwise. All in all it's a wise plan – utterly dumb and painful too –, just like all his schemes are._

_It's enervating that Seth makes so much sense._

_He opens his mouth to realize there's nothing he could say, so he closes it again and shrugs when Dean stares at him with a betrayed look on his face. 'Not you too.' 'Look Dean, it's easy. I'll let him manipulate me, I'll fall for his deception, so he thinks he has the upper hand,' Seth immediately tries to appease him._

_It's really cute he still thinks he could do that, but Roman knows better. There's no way Dean will ever be okay with this, but he will go through with it because Seth asks for their blind faith and that's something his brother can't_ not _give him._

_'I'm not stupid, I know not to believe a single word he says. But I also am pretty sure I can handle it.' Dean scoffs and rubs over his face, muttering, 'Pretty sure is not good enough.' Roman decides to stay out of this argument, sensing that this is something they need to settle on their own, so he takes off his socks before he goes to bed._

_Seth sits down next to his partner and takes Dean's hand into his own, confidence and determination rolling off of him in soothing waves. 'I can handle it.' A couple of seconds pass by until his brother gives in, grumbling sullenly, 'Do whatever you want.'_

He forces Dean to walk to the parking lot with him, still tightly holding on to his friend since he continues to squirm and fight for his freedom. 'Ro, come on. He's hurt,' Dean begs but Roman won't even listen. He has blocked out everything that's happening on the phone to not give in to all the voices screaming at him to come to Seth's aid.

Leaving him behind after he won the match was the hardest thing he ever had to do – even if he whispered a heartfelt _I'm sorry_ into Seth's ear when he pinned him –, which is why he coerced himself to not look back. If he had done that, he wouldn't have had the heart to go and let this happen anymore.

Once he was backstage and saw Dean's pale face and the sheer terror written all over it, he knew that he should have tried to talk Seth out of this. For Dean. Watching his boyfriend getting ripped apart must be ten times worse than witnessing his little brother losing a fight he never intended to win.

He can't let Dean go out there, but he will swear that he'll never allow Seth to do this again. Not if he's all alone and ready to sacrifice himself to lull somebody into a false sense of security. It's not worth it; not if Dean suffers even more than the one who gets the shit beaten out of him.

The world is awfully quiet; the only signs of life are Dean's heavy, ragged breathing and Randy screaming at Seth, every action of his eliciting loud cheers from the fans. Roman has no intention of looking at the iPhone, but when he hears his baby brother beg for mercy, his resolve wavers. It sounds awfully real and the haunted look on his face matches Dean's.

Never again does he want to hear Seth helplessly stutter _please_. Seems like his best friend thinks the same, since he turns around in his tight embrace and looks him dead in the eyes, whispering so low that he has trouble understanding him. 'He's pleading, Ro. He never does that and you know it. Seth doesn't need to. Please, Ro, Orton's killing him.'

He won't and they both know it. Randy might get some revenge tonight, but he's far from being done with Seth. With Wrestlemania so close, it's obvious that he wants to humiliate their friend on the grandest stage of them all. Show the world he's better than the self-proclaimed future. He's set on ending him with a bang.

Hopefully, Seth will kick his ass, shut him up once and for all. They're all tired of Randy belittling them. 'Don't watch it,' he breathes in Dean's ear, chest constricting for a split second. Seth better call later to assure them he's okay. 'Just turn it off.'

Dean is unable to heed his advice, desperate blue eyes glued to the tiny screen as if he could teleport himself to the ring if he just stares at the footage hard enough. 'I can't. Ro, he won't survive this,' his best friend rasps out, the knuckles of his hands turning as white as his face, the phone between his fingers cracking dangerously. It's obvious he's worried sick, the concern for Seth blinding him. 'Randy will–'

Enough. There's no sense in beating himself up because he can't help. They promised to stay out of it, to trust Seth that he has this under control. He's a very convincing actor if Dean forgets all of this as soon as Seth starts to fake begging for his life. Though Roman has to admit that the lines of reality and pretense blur for him too the longer he listens to it.

'It's alright, Dee,' he says, now hugging his brother without trying to hold him back anymore, patting him on the still wet hair. 'He's fine; you gotta believe in him. Seth's only doing that to fool Randy. All part of the plan. He's a tough guy, ain't he?' He must be, after he survived Dean's wrath.

His brother looks like he wants to object, but ultimately he simply turns off the footage, ending this torture before he deflates in his arms and averts his gaze, muttering defeated, 'He is.' Sometimes all they can do is watch, no matter how much they want to help or how hard it is to turn away.

'We'll wait here for the ambulance and follow it, so you can see for yourself that he's okay. Broken and bruised maybe, but still alive,' he offers and lets go of Dean, so they can get into the car before the others come out. Roman watches relieved how his friend sinks down to his seat, eyes closed, breathing deeply in and out.

'I'm really starting to hate his plans.' Yeah, he's not too fond of watching someone who isn't in the know about everything beat up a part of his family that he wants to guard at all costs either. But this is the path they have chosen and they'll continue to walk on it until the very end.

'Only because you're not part of them anymore,' he chuckles, getting ready for the moment the ambulance passes them by. Quite frankly, Roman is happy that he finally gets some revenge of his own for everything. He savors every match he has with Seth – they're a lot of fun, especially cause they know each other so well due to their stint as a tag team. It's about time to finish this feud so they can close that chapter and move on.

Spearing Seth last week while he jumped down the top rope might have caused Dean to have an anxiety attack backstage that knocked him out for the rest of the night, but damn, did that feel good – though he has to admit that the impact looked rather nasty. The best part was that they got to listen to their baby brother complain for days how his stomach and ribs hurt, which did make him smile for a good part of the week.

He also loved to listen to Seth apologize to Dean for thinking it wasn't a big deal back when Roman Speared him on accident all these months ago during their Shield run. After watching Dean mockingly place a kiss on the bruised area to _make the booboo go away_ , he too thought it was time to say sorry for his former actions, since he never did back then.

Dean keeps on breathing through his nose, biting his bottom lip and throws him a slightly pissed off glare the moment Roman locks the doors as a precaution, cause he doubts Dean will remain in his seat if they catch a glimpse of the EMTs. They both know that Seth should be on the gurney by now, neck stabilized and ready to say goodbye to consciousness; while Randy stands there, triumphantly.

His brother's gaze turns sad before he tries to smile, failing miserably. He's still not entirely convinced they did the right thing by doing nothing at all. 'Am I a bad significant other if I say that I enjoyed Randy pulling a Seth and refusing the tag?' Dean makes a breathless attempt at lightening the mood, ducking his head as if he said something despicable – yet Roman can see him grinning down at his lap.

Nothing wrong about that, in his opinion. If anyone deserves this treatment it's Seth. 'I liked that too,' he admits softly, both of them looking at each other as if _they_ 'd left their friend high and dry in the ring to get their vengeance, breaking out in an exhausted laughing fit.

They need a minute to stop the hysterical, helpless chuckling and surprisingly Dean's the first to catch his breath again. 'What goes around, comes around. Guess he didn't think he'd ever get to experience how I felt a year ago.' And that's where Seth made the mistake. Serves him right.

Hell, that was already twelve months ago? Time flies by so fast, it's downright worrisome. It also feels like they haven't achieved anything yet.

The Shield is still broken and they're as far away from fixing it as they've ever been.

_It's been quiet for a while and Roman is ready to fall asleep when he feels a featherlight touch on the left side of his stomach; Seth is asking for his attention. He grunts, too lazy and exhausted to answer with words, the sound rumbling through his chest, rousing Dean too._

_'You know I love you to death, right?' his baby brother whispers a bit hesitantly and he instantly knows that the night is over before it even began. Why did Seth wait with this until they were already in bed?_

_Dean turns the bedside lamp on and looks at Roman with raised eyebrows, saying, 'Uh-oh.' Exactly. But fine, so handling another crisis it is instead of getting some rest. They can still sleep once they're dead._

_'What?' Seth asks immediately, cheeks flushed. He gives his friend a peck on his hair before he lets his head fall back onto the pillows and explains, 'Every time you start like this, we know we won't like whatever follows.' Their brother thinks telling them his feelings first will help calm them as if he could really manipulate them too. Still, it's adorable that he tries._

_'No, I love you,' Seth repeats himself, gaze darting back and forth between him and Dean. 'I really do.' That's only making it worse. There's no chance in hell that this is the only thing Seth wanted to let them know. 'But?' Dean asks, yawning heartily before he rests his cheek on Roman's belly, watching his boyfriend intently._

_Seth breathes in deeply and hugs Kevin close to his chest while drawing his knees up to make himself as small as possible. Whatever comes now must be really hard for him to admit. And it weighed him down for a long time too. Always waiting until the very last moment; that's so typical. 'I don't... exactly miss being in the Shield.' For a few moments Dean and Roman can only blink at their friend in stunned silence._

_'Don't get me wrong,' Seth promptly tries to defend his words, but Roman isn't listening anymore. He feels Dean tense on his right side and knows he has to allay both of them, since Seth is starting to tremble too. 'Don't worry, we get it,' he murmurs, frowning at himself for a second because he honestly means it._

_Dean shoots him a dirty look, asking warily, 'Oh, do we now?' At least he's not acting as if he double-crossed him with this statement. Could have gone both ways and he's too tired to deal with the bad one, so he's glad his brother doesn't run out of the room to deal with this on his own._

_Instead he relaxes the moment he sees Roman's smile and nods annoyed, rolling his eyes at him for good measure. Atta boy. Dean can never stay mad at Seth for a long time anyway. 'We do,' he assures their friend, running his fingers through the other's hair. 'You're doing good on your own.' Even if he's not really fighting his own wars._

_And they all have their different agendas at the moment, rarely crossing paths anymore. He also knows that Dean couldn't care less about that. As his best friend tends to say_ The Shield doesn't confine us. We don't have to be a stable or a tag team and a third member to be together. Besides, it's more than that _and sure, he's right, yet he also understands where Seth is coming from._

_'I still want to,' their brother starts again and this time Dean won't allow him to finish whatever he was going to say by sighing loudly, 'It's okay. I guess.' It's not, but one day it will be. Dean did set his heart on The Shield and for him it became his true family._

_But they've evolved and their brotherhood is no longer defined by a stable. The Hounds of Justice may never come back, so Dean should warm up to that possibility – if he likes it or not. They don't need their stable to be a family anymore._

_'We don't have to be The Shield. Just– we just wanna be your friends out there again.' That's his man. As stubborn as he may be, Dean is also pretty intelligent. And he sure knows when he definitely has lost a fight._

_'You're not mad?' Roman hears Kevin lick Seth's skin, the wet sound getting drowned out by his baby brother's shallow breathing. What did he expect they'd do to him? As if they would hurt their own flesh and blood just because he's being honest. They know he tried and gave his best and sometimes that's all one can do even if it isn't enough._

_'Would it help if we'd get angry? Cause I bet Dean could flip his lid in a heartbeat.' His best friend laughs flatly and as soon as they lock gazes he knows that they're having the same thought: it would help no one. Seth has already made up his mind. Their little Pegasus has stretched his wings and flew away. As long as he doesn't get too close to the sun it's okay._

_'I'm sorry. I know I swore.' That's the thing about life, ain't it? You can make all the oaths in the world and they don't mean a thing. In the end, you have to let your actions speak for yourself. Maybe deep down he and Dean already knew that Seth's plan would never work out. That he just vowed to bring down the Authority because he felt guilty for leaving them, that he needed a focus to not think about his brothers doubting him._

_'Things change, Seth.' Seems like at least Dean was sure about this from the very beginning – if his voice is anything to go by. There's no defeat in it, only understanding and even a hint of clemency. Seth either doesn't catch it or he chooses to ignore it, rambling on, 'But I gave my word to accomplish all these things and you only forgave me because–'_

_Dean taps him on the stomach, signaling him to do his big brother stuff, as he likes to call it, because he has said enough and perhaps Seth will listen to him. Still, Roman uses the exact words he knows Dean would tell the kid too. 'We forgave you cause we love you.'_

_Seth hums thoughtfully, probably not quite convinced he deserves this. He must have been really scared to let them in on this. That's kinda sad but not relevant right now since he finally shared his thoughts. Though they'll have to talk about this privately in the near future._

_Dean's hand wanders across his stomach to intertwine his fingers with Seth's, the other hand turning off the lamp again. 'Do what you have to do and leave the rest to us.' He couldn't have it said any better. Shield or not, they're a_ family _and that's all that matters._

'At least he had a good time with Jon Stewart before shit hit the fan.' If he gets his hair back in order, Seth could even take over The Daily Show. He and Dean laughed their asses off backstage watching that segment on Raw – and his brother crossed his fingers that Wiz Khalifa would challenge Seth too, since he boldly stated that he could out-rap the man.

Roman also thinks it must have been balm for Dean's soul that someone had the guts to say that Seth hasn't achieved a single thing on his own ever since he abandoned them on-screen. It's a real shame Jon was too intimidated to finish the sentence.

'Good time?' Dean huffs, angrily ripping off the tape on his wrists. 'He almost butchered the poor man for trying to remind him that _I_ should have won that Money in the Bank ladder match. I bet he was moping backstage after that, doubting himself even more.'

What started as a teasing joke – even if it's the truth – turned into a sad murmur, almost like an afterthought. Seth thinks he's losing his hold on the Authority, which is why he's so relieved that Kane is still loyal to him, that he isn't alone and forsaken in the midst of the enemy. After a bit more than nine months and without any noticeable achievement, Roman can fathom why Seth stopped believing.

'Maybe he can somehow use Randy to bring them down.' If anyone could pull it off, it's Seth. And after tonight, he's sure that both Dean and he himself would love to see him use and manipulate the Apex Predator as his pawn. It'd be the perfect set-up.

'Honestly, I can't believe Orton had the same idea we had,' he mumbles, pinching the bridge of his nose. There's a headache coming and it doesn't have anything to do with Randy stealing their plan to help Seth get rid of J&J Security by forcing them to make mistakes so that he has a reason to get upset with them and, in the end, an excuse to fire Joey and Jamie.

They've been trying to do that for weeks, but there haven't been a lot of opportunities to execute the plan with Roman having to deal with Heyman and Bryan and Dean's task to make the Intercontinental Title important again.

As brothers, they try to support Seth in any way they can, but they're not really doing a very good job if Orton can come along and dispose of them in a matter of seconds.

They both wait in silence for the ambulance to drive Seth to the hospital, and Roman can't help but notice that Dean continues to look like a ghost. 'You still worried?' It's a dumb question; he knows the answer very well and yet he wants to keep the conversation going.

He can't have Dean retreat back into himself and leave him alone again.

The parking lot suddenly comes to life, a whole bunch of their co-workers exiting the arena to drive to their rooms for the night or fly back home in some cases, but thankfully no one catches sight of them sitting in the car. He's also infinitely glad that not a single person saw him hauling Dean out of the building, in his hand a phone that showed the dismantling of a guy he shouldn't care about at all anymore.

The few people who caught Dean watching the match and going pale got told that he's just feeling sick ever since he ate a slice of pie before the show. Thankfully Dean can tell lies as good as Seth sells moves in the ring so everyone believed him – he even put on a tiny show of swallowing down his non-existent bile too –, leaving him be to mind their own business again.

Dean sighs, putting his feet on the dashboard, gaze following Cesaro, Tyson and Nattie speed away into the night. 'I will never stop worrying about that idiot.' 'Good.' Because the day he does, Dean's done with Seth. It'd be the end of everything they ever stood for and Roman has no clue how he would survive without all that.

'So what now? You gonna let me out of prison anytime soon?' Roman hums thoughtfully, scrutinizing his best friend. 'Depends,' he muses, cocking his eyebrows. 'You still wanna kill Orton?'

Dean barks out a laugh, balling his hands into fists. 'Fuck yeah. But I'd like to check on Seth first. I don't think I can take this any longer.' In that case Roman will unlock the car right away. He doesn't want Dean to be trapped in a car in case he has another episode.

'Good call,' he says, turning the key around since he just spotted the paramedics drive by on the street. There are no sirens blaring, so Seth can't be hurt too badly. The ambulance would also rush through the city if he'd be in any real, life-threatening danger. Breathing just got easy again. 'Then let's get you to your lover.'

Dean closes his eyes and rests his head against the window; a small, relieved smile on his lips. Now that he knows he won't be separated from Seth for much longer, he relaxes visibly. His best friend must have seen the vehicle too, coming to the same conclusions as Roman.

It's a shame he has to burst his brother's bubble but they still need to be cautious. So he orders with a gentle yet stern voice, 'Though we should give him an hour or so to contact us first.' Dean waves his hands around, not bothering to even look at him, visibly shaken by tonight's events. 'Fine, whatever. Just get the hell out of here before I go homicidal.'

They're waiting until two in the hospital's parking lot, freezing their asses off in the car, but so far they haven't heard a word from Seth. He really hoped they wouldn't have to be stealthy after a night like this.

Just as they're about to get out of the car to sneak Dean into the building their mobile phones go off at the same time. Roman has to admit that he's infinitely glad for this, because it's really risky running around a place with so much security cameras and out of the three of them only Seth is called a ninja for a reason. He and Dean aren't really the type to do things patiently or quietly.

They both open the text simultaneously and a quick sideglance confirms that it's the same message. Looks like Seth didn't have the energy to write both of them separately.

The fact that their brother is urging them not to come inside – he counted on them being here, hoped they'd keep their family tradition alive, which warms Roman's heart to a point he doesn't feel cold anymore – comforts both of them and the fight finally leaves Dean's body completely.

_I'm okay. More or less. Don't worry and don't try to go all Metal Gear Solid on the hospital staff, they'll release me in the morning. I'm fine, all things considered. Dean knows I've had way, way worse. You two move on, I'll catch up to you. Promise. And thanks for staying out of it. I know it must've been hard._

_But now I can get my Wrestlemania moment. I'll make him pay. No one makes me their bitch, least of all Randy. And if I should fail I know two guys who'd love to get their hands on him for me. Don't try to call me, I'm about to pass out. Sorry for doing that to you. Hope Dean's alright. Take care of him, R, okay? Love you._

'What a fucker, scaring me like that,' Dean growls, throwing his phone on the backseat, a bit of color finally returning into his face.

Roman just smiles and starts the engine, looking forward to get some shuteye for tonight too, knowing that Dean will cling to him in his sleep as if his dear life depends on it.


	4. watch me bleed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _A hand clutches his tank top and yanks him into the bathroom, white light blinding him momentarily. 'You gave me your word,' Seth grits out, obviously feeling betrayed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, here the promised chapter about Wrestlemania. Sorry it's taking me so long to update anything but I have some health problems and today my older niece had to go to the hospital because she lost consciousness and stopped breathing for about two minutes. If you would keep her in your thoughts that'd be very nice. Let's hope that didn't damage her brain.

**Wrestlemania 31  
Triple H vs. Sting**

He hasn't even been able to walk three steps when a gloved hand wraps itself around his wrist and pulls him into a supply closet. Seriously? Is this high school or what? If he wanted to know how Dean is, he could have written him a fucking text.

Not drag him into a moldy room to look at his freshly stitched head as if he has any idea what he's doing. Seth's hands roam over his upper body and Dean feels weirdly reminded of the medics checking him for any serious injuries just moments ago. He's fine, has told them so more than once, but they were pretty persistent.

Said he _did_ hurt himself – anyone would have after a bump like that – but by now, they should know Dean better. He never stays around long enough for people to treat him properly. Not if he can still walk.

'You okay? That looked so nasty,' Seth murmurs absent-mindedly, turning Dean around to check his spine after he made sure the stitches on the back of his head are alright. There's nothing Seth could see though; not if he didn't turn into Superman over night and is now in possession of X-ray vision.

Dean doesn't answer. Honestly, he also doesn't feel a lot like speaking. He's kept his game face for the camera and now he never wants to talk about tonight again. This match was supposed to be his redemption. _He_ started this whole hot potato shit, it was _his_ intention to bring more prestige to the IC title, to have _his_ picture on the wall at the headquarters and suddenly five other guys mess with his business.

Of course he got broken in half during a fucking ladder match and had to watch helplessly – and slightly panicked cause he couldn't feel his left arm for half a minute – how someone else climbed up and retrieved the title. It began with Dean and Wade and it should have ended that way.

Now he has lost yet another match and his whole left side is not quite numb, prickling uncomfortably. He can still move everything but it feels like he's carrying around dead weight. And he sustained a head injury.

Almost ten months since he last won a Pay-Per-View and no matter what he set his eyes on, in the end he couldn't get the job done. Makes him wonder if he ever would have achieved anything in the WWE if he hadn't been part of The Shield.

Roman was the powerhouse and Seth their high-flyer. That leaves Dean as what? The loud-mouthed loser?

His very own Wrestlemania moment is getting powerbombed through a ladder and almost breaking his neck. He can't believe this is the most memorable thing that's happened to him ever since he stopped feuding with Seth. Fuck, man. His life is a train wreck at the moment and losing constantly doesn't make things any better.

'I wanted to find you right after it happened,' Seth interrupts his thoughts, hands still resting gingerly on his shoulders which aggravates him so much right now. He's not gonna crumble, Seth of all people should know that. Yet, he doesn't complain about his brother handling him with kid gloves, glad that he's not all alone.

'But it would have been too suspicious if I had disappeared right before my own match.' Dean snorts and takes a step back. All of a sudden he just loathes being touched – he has that sometimes –, even by his own friend. Seth stares at him with his huge puppy eyes, anguish flashing over his face before it gets replaced by understanding.

'Just please answer my question. Are you hurt?' Seth begs, withdrawing his hands slowly. Is he injured? Probably. Does he care? Not at all. Will he tell Seth so his brother can make a fuss again? Hell no. Tonight it will be all about Roman, since Seth and Dean already lost their matches.

So much for The Shield being undefeated at Wrestlemania. At least he wasn't the only one who sucked dick.

'Are you?' he snaps back, almost regretting his harsh tone when Seth sighs, nerves obviously frazzled. 'My ego, definitely, but other than that,' his brother starts, stopping himself to frown for a second. 'I don't feel much, to be honest. My whole body is burning. Doesn't matter though. I'm not letting you out of here if you don't tell me how your neck is. Did you re-injure it?'

No, he's still good to fight, which he will. Tomorrow, the day after that, the rest of his life. And on Raw he'll let out his frustration; he'll find some poor bastard to beat up.

'Nope,' he reassures Seth, knowing that the time to sulk is over, 'but I maybe got blinded by your new ring gear.' His friend laughs and still manages to roll his eyes at him, knowing full well that Dean changed the subject on purpose. 'Looks good though.' Definitely fits a champion.

He gets a happy smile that sadly disappears way too soon again. 'I should get going. Can't be gone for too long.' Judging by the crowd outside, the bout between Hunter and Sting has already started. He thinks he's able to make out a _you still got it_ chant. Sting must be dishing out then. He'd pay money to see that but if Seth's about to leave him here he'll do anything to draw this moment out.

Dean looks at the door, watches the dark patches where the once white paint has flaked off and sighs. His whole body is screaming loudly, begging him to not let Seth go. He shouldn't be alone but he can't be with Roman, since he has to get set for his big moment.

'Think you can sneak out to watch Ro's match with me later?' It just feels right to ask him; after nearly a year apart he wants to stand backstage and have Seth at his side again.

His companion lowers his gaze and rubs over his forehead, evidently torn inwardly. 'I thought we agreed on not doing it.' Yeah, rules are meant to be broken though.

'But imagine I pass out from my really serious neck injury and no one is there to help me. Could you live with the guilt?' he exaggerates, all the while grinning mischievously, since he doesn't want to guilt-trip Seth into staying with him.

After blinking at him owlishly his brother smiles warmly before he groans exasperated and holds up his hands, doing little squeezing motions to indicate he'd very much like to throttle Dean for asking him to use his ninja skills in one of the biggest arenas ever.

'I'll do it,' his baby brother mutters defeated, turning towards the door to open it slowly and check the hallway for any intruders.

'The most important event of the year, over seventy-six thousand people – potential witnesses at that – and he wants to _hang out_ to watch the main event. What could possibly go wrong?' he gripes, the words eliciting a tiny laugh from Dean. He wouldn't have asked if he wouldn't fully trust Seth to pull this off without being seen. His brother is a master of deception, even if he himself isn't aware of it.

'Have I ever told you how much I love your Moonsaults? Very elegant and graceful. I get a wrestling-boner every time.' Seth immediately retreats back into the tiny room and slams the door shut, facing Dean with an open mouth, shock and pleasure confusing the shit out of him. 'Shut it,' his friend warns Dean which makes him chuckle only louder.

In retaliation, Seth rips the entrance open, lips pressed tightly together and Dean realizes with a piercing pain in his chest that he can't let him leave. Talking to Seth, laughing with his partner, embarrassing him in semi-public – all of that is like the light at the end of the tunnel for Dean.

He's almost able to forget the shame and hatred he felt right after the _yes_ chants made his head explode, and even if he's still disappointed by himself, Seth is always able to soothe him without even trying.

It's as if he's putting a band-aid on a bleeding, gaping wound that requires a dozen bandages and it still miraculously is enough.

Changing the subject completely to keep his brother close, Dean asks louder than he should, 'Am I gonna get my BJ tonight?' Cause Seth promised him one if he would lose against Randy, which he did. Big time.

Seth doesn't even bother about the slightly ajar door, just looks at him aggravated. The only thing giving him away are his slightly blushed cheeks and the forgiving shimmer in those brown eyes. 'My face is broken,' his brother points out, referring to the vicious RKOs he had to endure a few minutes ago, 'so _no_.'

_This is awesome_ chants ghost around the halls of the arena and Dean wonders what's going on in the ring; what ace up his sleeve Triple H has this time to get what he wants.

'You like one instead?' he proposes matter-of-factly, thinking a little distraction might just be what he needs to make this _thing_ inside his head stop. The whirlwind, this doom loop of self-hatred and blame that's been following him his entire life.

'Jesus, Dean, would you pipe down already?' So what if someone hears them. He's tired of hiding anyway. 'Is that a no?' Jerking off while Roman is sleeping – or not – right next to him isn't what it used to be anymore either. He'd really like to do something else for a change.

Seth shoots him an indignant glance and whispers hurriedly, 'Why on earth would I turn down that offer?' Why the fuck indeed. If Dean can do one thing properly then it's giving head. Not really something to be proud of, but hey, he takes what he can get.

'Then I suggest you sneak your tasty ass away from your wannabe security a bit sooner than the main event. I don't think Ro should be alone tonight – no matter how the show ends.'

Seth squints his eyes at him, realization slowly dawning on him. 'You're trying to keep me away so I can't cash in.' It's not like he really wants to stop Seth anymore. Once upon a time, he dreamed about handcuffing Seth to a pipe in the darkest corner of the arena or chloroform him, but he's changed his mind about that a while ago.

'Smart,' his brother grins, running his hand through his hair. It falls softly on his shoulders and Dean has the sudden urge to touch it, to hug Seth close. Not because he _knows_ his friend _will_ cash in tonight – he's never doubted it; knew it the moment Roman won the Royal Rumble – but because he craves company.

Ever since Seth confessed that he's kinda glad that The Shield is no longer there, Dean has felt haunted, adrift. Restless and weirdly out of place. Nothing he did made him feel like alive. Not racing through the desert on his bike, not climbing the mountains, not working out with Roman to end the day with a silly movie or tv show even though they both always fell asleep during the first ten minutes.

Incomplete. That's maybe the most fitting one. Ripped from the one safety he had. The list is endless. Seth's admission pulled the rug out from under his feet and it scares Dean more than it should.

His baby brother becoming champion could finally bring them back together – or rip them apart completely. But he's ready to take this risk. He thinks.

The only thing making all of this better is Seth being right at his side. Perhaps he's afraid of the other abandoning him again, now that he's doing so well on his own. Or he's just scared that he's lost everything that made him whole and human, that saved Dean from himself.

'Is it working?' he wants to know, leaning against the cold wall, sighing in relief when a chill runs down his spine. He feels like he's burning up, so the icy surface is a welcome distraction.

Seth eyes him warily, pouting for a few moments before he sags his shoulders and replies, 'Guess we'll have to wait and see. And don't you dare say anything sexy that will change my mind. I can't even hear you. La la la.' With that his brother puts his index fingers in his ears and walks out of the closet.

So Seth claims he hasn't made up his mind yet. No, he knows his friend, is dead certain that Seth is ready to cash in – his time is running out anyway – but his baby brother is still hoping Dean won't break his vow. _Sorry kiddo, but this is non-negotiable._

Since he ended up being alone either way, Dean decides to search for a quiet place with a television and watch the other four matches. He finds the perfect location the moment Nikki gives up, trapped in the Black Widow. Damn, he missed the girls' fight.

Cena's battle with Rusev doesn't really interest him much – the only thing he feels during that match is a slight pull inside his chest. The US title still means a great deal to him. It was his first major accomplishment in the WWE and, even though he didn't exactly cover himself in glory, he did love being the longest reigning champion.

Besides, it's not really fun to watch a match where he already knows what's gonna happen. He's seen the _Wrestling isn't Wrestling_ video too and he has to agree with Max Landis. In the end Super Cena always wins.

Getting his hands back on his title, his baby, seems like a physical impossibility but one day Dean _will_ do this, get back on track or he'll die trying. He just has to believe in that or he'll lose his reason to move on.

When Bray's entrance theme starts playing and the man dances around with his scarecrows or whatever they're supposed to be, Dean does get a tiny bit nervous. Firstly because Seth is still nowhere to be seen and Roman is next up. And secondly because he hasn't heard anything from the Undertaker ever since he agreed to take his chances with Wyatt.

He hasn't spotted any of Taker's followers backstage, so when the man shows up on stage, he's alone. Which makes sense too, since there's a lot at stake and the Phenom doesn't need anyone to fight is battles for him. This isn't about Dean's pride – that's just a promise a friend gave him without knowing if he could fulfill it –, it's about the legacy of said friend. All he's worked for his entire career.

Taker has a lot of wrongs to right and Dean is genuinely crossing his fingers for him. Even if he wouldn't hate Bray's guts.

Old School still makes Dean smile like a little kid that instantly fell in love with wrestling and the Hell's Gate awakens the memory of their match and how he had to tap out and submit to the man. He's had so many great and unforgettable matches – especially with Seth – but the one against the Deadman is his personal favorite.

Dean would never tell anyone because this is entirely _his_ and he doesn't want to share it with anyone. Fighting the Undertaker had been such an honor and something clicked into place the moment the bell rang. Kindred spirits bullshit and all that.

He's only ever had that with Roman and his wrestling soulmate Seth.

Taker looks good, better than he did when they visited him and he obviously still got it. What is it with these geezers being fucking awesome no matter how old they get? Dean sincerely hopes he'll be only half as awesome once he turns hundred, even though he really doubts it, since the wars he waged in his career so far have shortened his lifespan considerably.

He'd be surprised if he still has a decade left in this business.

'A little underhand asking Taker to dispose of Bray for you.' Oh thank God. Took him long enough. Dean's finally able to breathe freely again. He doesn't leave the television screen out of sight – his body relaxing the moment Seth steps closer and the back of their hands touch –, murmuring, 'Underhand is my middle name.'

Seth laughs fondly and they both witness how the Undertaker wants to set Wyatt up for a second Tombstone. Damn, he really misses doing a Piledriver; dummy-Seth doesn't count. What a shame the move is forbidden for ordinary mortals like him.

'You came.' 'Not yet,' his brother counters, the glee evident in his voice. It's crystal clear what the other's alluding to but Dean won't have any of that. Roman's match is getting underway and Seth has made his choice, even if he's here to convince himself he won't take anything away from his big brother.

'I told you to find me before the main event,' he mutters, clenching his fingers into a fist when Taker gets the One-Two-Three after a second Tombstone. Look at that; 23-0. What an impressive Undefeated Streak.

They don't talk – Seth too tense to concentrate on anything other than Roman – but Dean can feel a wave of fury hitting him from the side when some fans dick around with their friend during his entrance. What a shame they can't lash out at them for pulling this shit.

Sometimes, when he hears that music he closes his eyes and blends out everything else, pretending The Shield is walking down the stairs, that they're back together. The harsh reality catches up on him time and time again.

'Out of the three of us, you get the loudest cheers,' Seth says after a while, Brock's theme blaring through the arena. He doesn't have the energy to laugh about that, even if it fills him with pride that people are so taken to him. For whatever reason.

'Out of the three of us I've achieved jack shit.' This will haunt him until the day he either gives up – which, pfft, right? He's Dean fucking Ambrose, quitting isn't even an option – or he'll win something. _Anything_.

'That's not,' Seth automatically tries to correct him, but Dean has had enough of that talk. He tears his gaze from the screen and looks at his little brother with raised eyebrows. If he knows what's good for him, he better not say another word about this.

Minutes pass and Dean cocks his head, not yet concerned for Roman's well-being but questioning his best friend's strategy for this match. Taking everything Brock has to give isn't the way Dean would proceed, but he's sure his brother knows what he's doing.

Ro's fighting with tooth and nail, occasionally summoning his inner Dean Ambrose, busting Lesnar open and kicking out over and over again. That's some resilience right there. He's doing alright, even though he ended up in Suplex City; the only other inhabitant being John Cena.

The longer the match lasts, the more agitated Seth gets. He's still wearing his leather pants and gloves; his hair wet once more. Dean can't see it but he's sure if he'll turn around there is the golden briefcase standing next to the door. He kinda wants to take one last look at it.

In the end, he simply hugs Seth close to his chest, plants a soft kiss on is forehead and whispers, 'Go get your Wrestlemania moment.' The expression ghosting over Seth's face is priceless – it varies between gratitude and desperation.

'You still remember your promise?' Sure he does. Up until this day he hasn't been able to forget even a single word he said to Seth. Be it a threat, an oath or something entirely insignificant. His brother rests his cheek on Dean's shoulder, the tingling turning into a sharp, painful sensation for a few seconds.

'I do,' he whispers, forcing his body to not let on how much it hurts him to hold Seth in his arms like this. Maybe he should get his neck and spine checked out. Not tonight though, because if things go the way they're supposed to, his brother will be the new champion in a few minutes.

Seth nods grimly, a finger running over Dean's jaw as if he wants to memorize his face before he goes out there. It's probably because he fears something will go wrong and he does end up beating Roman, and Dean could hate him forever for that.

Well, Seth is in for the biggest surprise of his life then. Dean has thought about this night for months, even before January and he's sure he made the right decision.

'See you out there,' his friend nods at him and Dean smiles, chasing Seth's lips with his own before he lets him go. He doesn't look at his brother or the briefcase again, just sits down on the floor and draws his knees up, so he can rest his head on them, watching the end of the show in silence.

* * *

Four hours later Dean is lying in their bed, Roman fast asleep, the events of the night constantly replaying in his head.

Seth cashing in, making it a Triple Threat. Brock rolling out of the ring and Seth Curb Stomping Roman to pick up the win. His brother shitting on everything and thanking Roman in the ring. Seth flinging his title like he always did back in the days.

His friend being so overwhelmed that he didn't even realize that Dean never came out to fuck him over.

He knows that the storm is not yet over, mostly because his brother hasn't contacted him so far. Though Dean suspects that's also cause he's busy; getting the title design changed, celebrating with the Authority, staring at the belt, unable to understand that this is not a dream, that he's right where he wants to be. At the top and owning this business.

Dean doesn't doubt though that Seth will come running as soon as he has a quiet moment to himself and it dawns on him that his own partner lied him right in the face.

As if on cue, there's a knock. He swings his legs out of the bed and pads towards the door, opening it with a finger pressed against his lips, so that Seth knows he should keep it down because Ro's licking his wounds in his sleep.

Seth has the title in his hands and Dean thinks it's strange how odd he looks without the briefcase. It'll be weird to stop referring to him as Mr Money in the Bank too. His friend puts the gold on a chair, clearly unhappy with Roman being out cold. From the looks of it, he wanted to apologize for stealing not only his well-deserved victory but also his moment.

Dean thinks they've both done good and he's equally proud of them. No matter what.

A hand clutches his tank top and yanks him into the bathroom, white light blinding him momentarily. 'You gave me your word,' Seth grits out, obviously feeling betrayed. So they're having this conversation in the middle of the night, instead of celebrating that Seth is the first ex-Shield member to win a second title, the big one at that.

He sinks down on the edge of the bathtub, rubbing over his eyes tiredly. It must be what, four or five already and since he hasn't found any sleep yet he's more than just exhausted. And doesn't his brother have to be on the Today show later in the morning? 'Seth,' he tries but his partner interrupts him immediately.

'No, this was Rome's night. I was counting on you to interfere. You've sworn to stop me.' He nods, pretending to contemplate Seth's words.

Truth is though, he doesn't regret a thing. Dean knew what he was doing when he sat down on the floor after giving his friend a good luck kiss that actually meant _I'm with you until the end of the line_. And Roman was perfectly aware that no one would come to his rescue, that Dean needed to stay out of this.

'Ro's okay with it. He's far from happy – well, he's happy _for_ you, but you, ah God, it's way too early for this shit. Or too late, whatever,' Dean murmurs, stifling a yawn until he has finished speaking. 'Point is, he gets it. The moment you thanked him, he was on your side.'

Seth's face falls and for a while he's too irritated to react. Dean basks in the silence, his body growing more tired with each passing second. Now that his brother is here he feels like he can finally get some shuteye too.

'Why did you do it? What changed that you suddenly didn't seem it necessary anymore to stop me from becoming champion?' Seth probably wouldn't understand because he still is the same cowardly heel he's been the whole time, hiding behind one or more members of the Authority, cheating and getting his way with underhand methods too.

To Dean though the reason is pretty clear. At Money in the Bank he made the promise to screw Seth over as long as his baby brother lacked a certain something. Fuck him if he knows _what_ that was, but his partner has it now. He deserves being World Heavyweight Champion.

'I'm proud of you. We both are,' is all Dean needs to say; Seth can figure it out the moment their eyes meet. And it's tearing at his heartstrings that his friend thinks he's not entitled to this honor. But he is. He has grown up, has proved to be able to deal with everything that is thrown at him.

'I'm sorry,' Seth croaks out, hands flying up to cover his face, knees giving out. Dean places his arms around his brother, gently stroking his head, hoping that the touch is enough to calm him down. His partner _is_ ready and it doesn't matter anymore that he had to crush and bury his own family to get where he is.

'Don't be, cause we're not. You did it, man.' The future starts now and its name is Seth Rollins.


	5. i'm nothing without love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Dean shrugs and rests his forehead on his boyfriend's shoulder, muttering, 'You call the shots, baby.' His best friend is still as ready and willing as ever to follow Seth wherever he will lead him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, I did it again XD While I'm still at home I wanted to publish this. If you won't hear from me for a while it's cause I sought out help because my condition is getting worse with each passing day. Don't worry, it's (hopefully) only a mental thing but when your head is poisoning you from within, it's not a walk in the park either. Anyway, here's the monthly edition or something like that =)

**Extreme Rules 2015  
01:33 am**

After his Last Man Standing match Roman had carried himself backstage with his head held high – after all, he had just won a huge fight that hopefully heralded the end of this annoying feud. Roman has bigger fish to fry, one of them being his own little brother.

But as soon as he'd been in the safety of Dean's presence, he'd ditched the tough act and collapsed right into his brother's arms.

'Well done, big guy,' Dean had said before hauling him to a quiet room to watch Seth's title match. Roman has to admit that he was out of it for most parts of the cage fight. His eyes had followed the events in the ring, but his mind hadn't been able to comprehend anything.

He just wanted to crawl into a bed and sleep everything off.

And there he is now, lying flat on his back, drinking in the calming quietness. He's beyond exhausted but he knows that sleeping isn't in for him as long as there's still one third of them missing. Dean sits on the used couch, bitting his bottom lip and rubbing over his shoulder, eyes glued to the door.

They're both expecting a knock announcing their brother's arrival any moment now. What they didn't expect was Kane dropping Seth off.

'Thanks for keeping an eye on him tonight,' his best friend murmurs while hugging his boyfriend close to his chest, taking the title with his free right hand. 'Thank _you_ for helping me get on his nerves lately,' Kane returns the favor and Dean tips two fingers against his head as some kind of weird salute.

'My pleasure, man.' Kane had asked Dean for some advice to intimidate Seth and make him look like a fool and his brother eagerly tossed some ideas around until they settled on the other verbally threatening their friend, reminding him over and over that his big win is nothing more than an illusion. That he alone wouldn't have achieved anything.

Since Dean didn't stop him from cashing in at Mania he clearly thinks differently but Roman assumes that he's still not over Seth using his Authority buddy to eliminate him and win the Money in the Bank ladder match himself. And it's balm for the soul whenever someone speaks the truth in front of the fans.

As if he's able to get another tiny bit of closure every time it happens.

Kane's gaze wanders towards him and the man nods briefly, showing his respect for Roman's achievements at Extreme Rules before announcing another miracle his baby brother was able to accomplish. 'Please do not ask me how he did it, as I have no idea, but he tricked Hunter into taking the week off, so I would have the power of deciding who may get a title shot at Payback.'

Okay. Won't Orton have something to say about this too? He surely isn't done with Seth yet – especially since that sneaky buffoon used his own finisher against the man; after banning it from the match. Cocky son of a bitch. 'I will let the WWE Universe decide and there will be an option to pick a Triple Threat match,' is all Kane needs to say.

Dean turns around slowly – Seth still leaned heavily against him –, waving the title around in the air with a gleeful grin lighting up his face. 'Look who doesn't want to be alone with The Viper.' _That's_ what Dean takes from these news? Typical.

Roman can't stop himself from grinning back at his brother and tries to get up to shake Kane's hand but the man steps into the room and to the bed, so he doesn't have to move. Quite frankly, Roman isn't sure he'd have been able to get up anyway. He's as dead beat as Seth looks.

'Speaking of, you can Chokeslam him some more in the future,' he says to his brother's ally and for the first time since arriving Seth moves voluntarily on his own, throwing him a death glare. 'Don't listen to him,' comes the raspy, slightly angry remark and Kane leaves them to their own devices, bidding his farewell obviously amused.

'I'm gonna drag Catwoman's ass into the shower now. You stay here and look all dashing till we're back,' Dean orders with a wink and both of them vanish in the bathroom. His brother doesn't close the door for some reason, but since Roman has stopped trying to understand how Dean ticks, he won't question it.

Chilling in bed sounds way better anyway.

He thought he'd have to listen to them whisper secretively and shamelessly have semi-slow, affectionate shower sex but Dean makes sure to include him into the conversation they're having, tending to both his brothers' physical and emotional wounds at the same time. Over the past couple of weeks he easily mastered the art of balancing this delicate act.

'See how it all turns out just the way I want it to?' Seth mentions cheekily, yet his voice is barely louder than the running water. Roman can hear the body wash being uncapped and Dean pouring some of it on his hands. For a second, he wonders if his brother jumped into the shower too or if he remained standing outside. In the end, it doesn't matter.

Dean's there to pick up the pieces, no matter what.

'Well, Kane helped a lot and Randy dinged you up pretty good, but yeah, nice first title defense. You chicken.' In the last month Seth had let them in on his plan to free Kane from the grasp of the Authority – not without adding a little drama, of course – while also concentrating on keeping Orton at bay.

Since his main focus oddly lies on the Kane part, Randy was able to catch Seth off guard on more than one occasion. But his baby brother is a very proud champion; underhand methods or not. After accepting why Dean had single-handedly decided that Seth was ready for this challenge he blossomed in his role as the snobby, spoiled, cowardly, petulant and childish heel, enjoying the crap out of every promo and match he has.

Dean always watches him backstage with that particular glint in his eyes; something akin to pride, yet it's tragically sad at the same time. His best friend still hopes that Seth will have a chance to retain his title and fight his wars alone because he is that damn good and he wants the whole world to see.

'Man,' Roman listens to Dean change the topic, 'I was waiting for Kane to double-Chokeslam Chip an' Dale for ages. Was about damn time.' These two guys have taken so much damage thanks to Seth and they still look up to him as if he hung the moon. They'll be completely crushed when his brother decides to abandon them.

A moping grumble rings out in the bathroom and Roman has to strain his ears to catch the next words. 'Let me guess: you enjoyed the one he gave me the most.' Like Seth really needs to ask that.

From what Roman remembers, Dean had been livid during that match, cursing and vowing to kill Randy for real if he ever dared to hurt the light of his life again. Roman even had to hold him back at the wrist – fuck if he knows how he did that – when Orton hit Seth with the DDT from the top rope.

Dean hates that move ever since The Viper injured their brother with it when he was part of the Evolution and The Shield had still been intact.

He can imagine the huge smirk on his friend's face right now, knowing that they both savor every time an ally of them takes it all out on Seth. Because then they can be sure that he won't get hurt too much and it's so damn satisfying to see him pay for some of the crimes he committed.

'So, how was my SKO? Never said _I_ wouldn't use it.' Roman and Dean chuckle at the same time, both of them congratulating him for being such a cunning jerk. 'I liked the Curb Stomp better,' his brother admits after a while in a gravelly voice, seriously mourning the loss of Seth's signature move. Even though he was on the receiving end of so many of them.

Seth tries to cheer their friend up by replying, 'But my new finisher is a homage to yours.' Always with their lovey-dovey stuff in front of the whole world. Roman has long since given up on holding them back, only protects them quietly from the shadows whenever they run the risk of stepping out of line.

He has to grin when the past Smackdown and their tag team match flashes through his mind again. Seth had called the double impact he had with Dean a _belly-to-belly kiss_. Sure looked like they broke some ribs but as long as the two of them have fun, Roman encourages them to have their moments.

It kinda broke his heart though when Dean – confused and disoriented – crawled towards Seth to make the tag because it's still firmly etched in his muscle memory to seek out his little brother. Seth came running to them as soon as the show was over, pecking his boyfriend on the temple while murmuring repeatedly, 'Soon, I promise.'

'And I already rewarded you for being so fucking predictable,' Dean replies, voice torn between reprimanding and joyful. They're all more or less patiently waiting for Seth to come up with a name for his modified snap single underhook DDT. No matter how many times he's turned a blind eye Roman will throttle his brother himself if he'll choose something like Holy Deeds or One Hitter.

'Ro, you still with us?' He turns his head towards the bathroom and grunts loudly as an answer. To be honest, he'd rather listen to them chit-chat than having to use his own brain. It's so peaceful with all of them back together; he's almost able to pretend that they never parted ways.

'Can you help Kevin get on the bed then?' Seth pleads and Roman blinks confused, heaving himself up to look at the floor. Ha. He didn't even see that Kane brought Seth's dog too. 'Yeah,' he groans, feeling every bone in his body scream in pain when he picks the excited Yorkshire up.

'Good boy,' Roman murmurs, patting the newest addition to their family while closing his eyes to enjoy his brothers' absence some more. When they'll come back, they will surely pester him to stir so they can treat him, making sure he didn't injure himself tonight.

And then, when that is done, they will cuddle up to him while Kevin will sleep between his legs like usual and Roman won't be able to move for the rest of the night. He's not complaining, God no, but right now he's ready to pass out. He also still needs to come up with a way to justify Kane putting him in the poll on Raw.

Seth is an angel for making this possible, so Roman doesn't want to disappoint. Hopefully the fans will give him a chance once more.

He'll look out for his younger brother in the ring, just like he did at Wrestlemania, even though he was pissed that Seth stole his moment. He didn't let Brock F5 his friend and he won't let Randy RKO him into oblivion either. Roman wants to win the title himself and Seth is only too painfully aware of that.

The shower is getting turned off and a few minutes later his brothers emerge again. Dean's shirt is wet at the front, the sight telling Roman that he got his fare share of water too while making sure that Seth was clean and well-cared for. He takes it off and throws it carelessly on a chair; Seth immediately walks over to spread it across the backrest, so it'll dry nicely overnight.

Ladies and gentlemen, Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose in a nutshell.

'You still wanna do this?' Roman asks curiously, pointing at the shiny title on the table and the door Kane vanished behind earlier. Seth gets what he means and rummages in his duffel for pain relieving spray and healing ointment. It's really adorable that after the hell he's been going through he still wants to tend to their wounds too.

Dean – who seems to be the fittest one of them, even with the many chair shots and God knows what else he had to endure – watches them with a fond expression on his face, holding his ribs absentmindedly with one hand before checking Seth for any cuts or bruises. The peaceful times are officially over.

'Yes. It's all I have left,' Seth answers, forcing Roman to get up so he can take his wifebeater off. Such a demanding little nurse. 'You don't need to,' Dean reminds him for the umpteenth time, fearing that Seth might come to a deadlock without realizing it.

He's the World Heavyweight Champion now and running around with a huge bull's eye on his back. Bringing the Authority to their knees shouldn't be his top priority anymore. But Seth is a stubborn idiot who wants to right the wrongs he did at all costs.

'I know,' he says, gently massaging Roman's back to find any hard spots while Dean, sitting on his knees behind their friend, rubs some ointment on Seth's neck. 'Besides, I owe it to Kane and I really don't want to upset the Undertaker.' It's hilarious that his brother is still not entirely convinced the man one day won't eat him alive.

Dean shrugs and rests his forehead on his boyfriend's shoulder, muttering, 'You call the shots, baby.' His best friend is still as ready and willing as ever to follow Seth wherever he will lead him.

They finish their examination in silence and after they're finally done, Roman feels loved and oddly constricted at the same time. Not by their affection, he's enjoying that all hours of the day, but by the various bandages Seth insisted on him wearing overnight.

He doesn't tell them that he's fine. Exhausted and his whole body is burning but otherwise he's unharmed. He suspects they have to do it – Seth more than Dean – to feel like they contribute something important to their small family. They don't need to prove a single thing but Roman knows better than to take this away from them.

He's keeping an eye on his brothers day in, day out, so he guesses it's okay if they decide to collectively lick all their wounds. It's a special kind of bond that started to bind them in the early days of the Hounds.

'By the way, renegade, what did you leave in the glove box?' Dean snickers and flops down on Roman's right side, using his armpit as some kind of makeshift pillow, answering delighted, 'Twenty bucks and a rock.'

Seth, who just tickled his dog under the chin, looks up dumbfounded, throwing an irritated glance at Roman. But he too can only take a wild guess why Dean chose those things as his apology for hijacking someone's car. 'A rock?' he can't help but utter, too interested in the answer.

It's as uncomplicated as he expected and fits Dean to a T. 'Well, it's not like we stopped at a gas station so I could buy some flowers.' Where the fuck have they been anyway? Only Dean and Harper would take a Chicago Street Fight to the streets of Illinois.

Seth had been going nuts backstage when they drove off, scared that he'd never see Dean in one piece again. The look on his face when their brother dropped down on Harper and the New Day alike was one of sheer joy and relief, mixed with a bit of exasperation at his brother's escapades.

'Did you at least sign it or anything?' 'Yeah, Seth,' Dean answers sarcastically. 'We didn't stop for the flowers but Harper gave me enough time to sign a fucking rock.' Their baby brother tries to retaliate by slapping Dean on the chest, but he misses by an inch and hits Roman's hip instead.

Ouch.

'Sorry,' Seth mumbles, caressing the stinging spot with a featherlight touch and Roman decides that he doesn't have the energy left to complain. He'll let this one slide.

'I rubbed it all over Harper's chest though.' Sure, only Dean can think that someone else's grease and sweat equals his autograph. They need to work on that self-deprecating attitude as soon as possible.

Seth shakes his head, unable to comprehend how Dean can consider this a gift or an apology, watching his friend get comfortable once more with warm eyes, sighing a heartfelt, 'God, I love you.' The days of Dean having a panic attack whenever he hears those words are long gone – other things fuel his nightmares now –; he has learned to take them for what they are: the mutual truth.

He still doesn't say it back very often, mostly only when Seth prompts him to or he's in a generous mood, but usually he responds to this like he does right now. 'I love me too.' Plus, he's wearing the most charming, teasing smile Roman has ever seen.

Seth knows better than to prod, so he lies down, resting his cheek on Roman's left chest after making sure that Kevin is okay on his designated spot. 'So now that you broke your anti-streak what's next for Dean Ambrose?' Anti-streak. Seth's way of describing Dean's recent Pay-Per-View losses because he refused to call it a curse.

His brother shrugs, eyes already closed, and pulls the covers up to his chin. 'I thought King of the Ring for now. Haven't really made up my mind.' Seth too doesn't miss how unenthusiastic Dean sounds, frowning at Roman without their brother seeing it.

Sure, Dean had been visibly relieved when Charles Robinson raised his hand in victory but Roman had expected him to be way more exuberant about tonight. He didn't ask his best friend what was wrong, wanting to wait until he felt like sharing his reasons, but Seth isn't exactly the most patient person on earth. If there's a problem he wants to solve it immediately.

'Okay, why are we not celebrating that all members of The Shield are still undefeated at Extreme Rules? And how come you act so nonchalant about your first singles win?' Dean scoffs grumpily, staying stubbornly silent for a while. Just when Roman thought they'd go to sleep without any answers, his brother enlightens them.

'Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I finally won but it doesn't feel like a big thing. This feud with Harper, it's, I dunno, not what I hoped for my first win. The thing with Seth was, you know, and then Bray took it all away from me and dragged my family into this. It was beyond personal.'

Roman can see where this is going, understands Dean's way of thinking. He's not sure though if he agrees a hundred percent.

'And then the IC title hunt. I started it because I wanted to be remembered as someone great, not the guy that is over with the fans but whose efforts amount to nothing. All these things meant a great deal to me.' Seth watches their brother intently, a grave expression on his face. It's evident he regrets not having any encouraging words and not knowing what to say kills him.

Seth wants to be there for his family at all times, especially now that he spends most of his days and nights away from them. Even without his baby brother talking about it, Roman knows that he'll do everything in his power to cheer Dean up.

Since he already granted Roman a match for the title at Payback – and how fitting is that? –, he'll most likely pull some strings on Smackdown. That's probably the only upside of Seth being Richie Rich and Kane in the know.

They exchange a worried glance, not sure how to properly react when Dean huffs out a sharp laugh and snuggles closer to Roman. 'Don't get all bent into a pretzel, I'm fine. I just wish I'd have won sooner, ya know?' Yeah, they do.

'Your moment will come,' Seth assures their brother while Roman murmurs, 'All that matters is that you're happy.' Dean chuckles mirthlessly and yawns, waving his hand around as if he wants to swat a bug away.

'Can't change the past anymore, so carpe diem, live in the present or whatever. Can we sleep now? You two have a busy day ahead and if I understand this correctly also a little feud coming your way. Better make sure ya end this once 'n for all,' he starts slurring towards the end, tired enough to drift off to sleep while talking.

Seth smiles at Roman and nods; he too wants to get this over with but he won't make it easy for him either. Just because they're brothers doesn't mean he will give him or Orton his title. They'll have to rip it out of his cold fingers or otherwise he won't give up on it.

Roman will finally get his redemption and the three of them can close the chapter of Seth's betrayal without ever looking back again. It'll be tough for Dean – just like it had been for him, though now that his brothers are in a serious relationship things changed for the two of them – but they'll make it through that too.

As long as they're together nothing can bring them down. The Shield – not the wrestling stable but their patchwork family – is as invincible as ever.

Seth bows his head and Roman gives him a small peck on top of his hair before he watches how those well-toned fingers search for Dean's paler ones, so they will hold hands even in their sleep. He's often suggested that he and Dean could switch position but they protested loudly, stating that he should stop saying such nonsense.

It's always been the three of them with Roman in their midst and nothing is ever gonna change that.


	6. how can i live without you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _'I have a way to get you into the main event of Payback.'_

**Smackdown April 30, 2015**

'My whole life's a mistake anyway.'

It's part of the backstage segment, his brother's way to carry their unfinished feud, Seth knows that. This is Dean playing Dean perfectly, once again only saying the truth in a promo.

And that's what bothers him the most.

Because Seth is a major part of that life now too – so is Rome – and there's _nothing_ wrong with that. Or so he thought.

Looking into Dean's honest, slightly distanced eyes, Seth is about to break character and kiss his friend right there, hug him close until the end of days and reassure him that his life isn't a mistake, that he's not a complete failure.

Sure, there are some dark sports that brought Dean to his knees once or twice, but all the good and the horrible stuff shaped him into the person he is today, into the man he fell in love with.

It's taking all his willpower to stay in his role – this shared promo was already an enormous risk he absolutely wanted to take; begging Kane to make it possible because he misses interacting with Dean in front of the camera – and finish his job but once all is said and done in the ring he corners Dean in front of their motel room, arriving just in time to stop him from closing the door behind him and Roman.

'Your whole life is a mistake?' He sounds way more hurt and accusing than he wanted to but he feels personally offended by this simple statement. What upsets him the most is that he thought Dean had gotten better, that maybe he and his love saved his brother from the dark holes he used to fall into. Seems like he only fooled himself.

Dean sighs tiredly and looks around, signaling Roman to stay inside; he'll be there any second because in his opinion this discussion won't take long. Not with him. Seth has a bone to pick and he won't go before this is settled. There must be something he can do to make Dean feel better. And God help him, he'll find it.

'Isn't it?' 'Of course not,' he immediately roars back, wishing to grab Dean by the shoulders and shake him until he stops uttering such nonsense. Seth doesn't want to be considered another mistake. Dean can't just go back to the soul-sucking, pitch-black places where Seth can't follow.

He needs to do something. Like, right now. And if his brother is prepared to follow him, if his blind faith doesn't waver, Seth will lead him into the unknown, but he can promise that he won't leave his brother alone. Maybe it's finally time for Dean and Roman to part ways too.

Not in the sniveling, cowardly way he did almost a year ago; they will talk about it together, go through all the pros and cons and then it's up to his family to decide if they want to do it. A turn of one of his brothers – and they decide who it will be, no matter what Seth wants – is inevitable.

Especially now that Seth can ask Kane to do him a little favor. He will give Dean something to look forward to, a purpose to fight for and if it's the last thing he'll ever do.

His brother looks at him, contemplating his words while leaning back against their rental. 'I did some pretty stupid stuff.' That's no excuse to say things like that, no reason to worry Seth so much. Dean mentioning those things means that it never stopped smoldering beneath the surface and that he's hidden this from his family the entire time.

'We're not a mistake.' He doesn't even refer to their relationship; he means their brotherhood. Ever since the three of them crossed paths Dean tentatively stepped into the light after staying in the shadows for far too long.

His friend pulls him close and rests his lips on Seth's before whispering, 'No, you're not.' So that's not what weighs on him. It's probably still his performance and their feud – his and Rome's, not their own, though never having won a single match must annoy him too – throwing him into another rough emotional patch.

But Seth has a remedy for that. If his brothers lets him. He's sure Kane won't mind, as long as it means he gets to piss Seth off on-screen and toy with him, abusing his power as the Director of Operations. Seth wants to help Dean get where he belongs and Payback is the perfect opportunity.

He doesn't intend to take anything away from Roman – and he couldn't care less about Orton –, he'll hopefully see that this is a chance for Dean. Not because they're together and Seth would do anything for him, but because he deserves being in the title picture too. If Dean can decide that Seth is ready, then he can put his foot down and say that both his brothers should be right by his side too. Even if they all will be opponents.

An insecure laugh escapes his mouth and he flings his arms around his brother's neck, holding on for his dear life. 'You scared me. You hurt me.' Roman probably too, though he never takes things so personal.

Dean bumps their noses together, holding Seth's cheeks in his warm hands. 'Sorry.'

Seth shakes his head, fear still crawling up his spine. Dean is so strong, so full of life, he can't just give up now. The past year wasn't the best – he understands that, since it was mostly his fault – but Dean has hit his personal rock bottom already. From here on it can only get better. It has to. And Seth will force it to.

No matter if he blows his cover or not. Family is more important, The Shield has taught him that.

'Don't go where I can't follow,' he voices his earlier thought, burying his head in the crook of Dean's neck, breathing in his brother's calming scent. A low rumble tickles him from under his partner's skin and he hears a teasing yet entirely honest, 'I'll leave breadcrumbs behind.' Seth can live with that. For now.

He has to go, can't spend tonight with his friends but he won't drive off just yet. Being with Dean is so much better than having to keep playing someone he is not in front of his so-called security. He wishes he could stay, but he can't leave Kevin behind and there's still a lot he has to do tonight.

Like contact Kane and go through his new, enhanced plan for Payback, see if they can make it work. And then wait until Joey and Jamie are asleep to call his brothers and tell them what he came up with now. He will let them settle it on their own, let the news sink in for a day or two, before they will meet sometime prior to RAW to discuss every detail and how this might change everything.

Seth looks his brother in the eyes – his pupils are almost completely dilated, due to the darkness, making them appear like two black orbs – and whispers, 'You'll come to us, right? Whenever you're about to descent into that hole you'll find us. I need you to try. Don't abandon me.'

Dean has to learn to ask for and accept help. He's not alone anymore and there are two people who would give their own life for him. He just has to let them in.

His friend stays silent for a couple of minutes, holding him protectively in his arms, trying to soothe him without any words. His brother scared him to death with that admission and showed him once again how easily he could lose Dean to, well, _Dean_. And he wouldn't survive that. Not anymore.

'A huge part, most of my life is a mistake. Letting you go though would be the dumbest thing I've ever done. And I once hurled into the airstream.' Even though he has to snort at that, Seth's heart still trips over itself inside his chest and his fingers won't stop shaking.

He'll never not fear Dean leaving him just the way he did on more than one occasion, yet all he can do is believe in him. Neither he nor Roman can force him to open up but he wants Dean to know that they'll always be there for him.

'You okay?' He needs to know before he leaves. 'Nothing I can't handle.' That's exactly what Seth meant. Dean shouldn't try to solve his problems on his own anymore, two guys are more than willing to help him in any way they can. Even if it's only moral support.

But old habits die hard, and Dean's the prime example for that. Sometimes Seth wishes that Jon Moxley had never existed.

'I'll text Roman to keep an eye on you.' Dean chuckles, kissing him on the tip of his nose. 'Yes, mom.'

'Someone has to take care of you,' he retorts as they break the embrace and Dean escorts him to his own rental car. He can't wait to get back to the hotel to pay Kane a surprise visit, but before he does that he will write his big brother to speak with Dean – or not, whatever it is they do when they're alone – and stay awake until he calls them again. With good and bad news.

'What would I do without you?' Strangely, Dean doesn't say this mockingly and it irritates Seth a bit. Especially because there's only one possible answer to that. His friend would live life the only way he knows how to. He doesn't need Seth to be happy or to function, but it's still nice to fool himself into thinking he does. Because Seth sure would wither away without him.

'You'd try to convince Rome to fall for you,' he answers jokingly and grins when the all-consuming jealousy doesn't resurface. He finally conquered at least that crippling fear. They both laugh, though the nice sound fades away soon and Dean hugs him tightly once more.

It's obvious he doesn't want Seth to go, but he can't be here tonight. As much as he'd want to stay, he dug his own grave and he has to lie in it now.

'I'd be as lost as you.'

* * *

'You want what?' He groans enervated, grumbling into the phone, 'Am I talking Chinese? You want me to write it down? I have a way to get you into the main event of Payback, so you too have a title shot. And stop saying you don't deserve it, that's bullshit.'

'He's right,' Roman comes to his aid, sounding very supportive. Of course he does. Rome is so selfless that it pains him sometimes. Seth initially worried that he could resent him for his idea but so far he hasn't shown any signs of anger or frustration. Maybe he's already used to Seth taking his moments away from him.

He really can't say if it's because of that or the fact that his big brother knows that Dean belongs in the title hunt. Or even because he wants to do something good for his best friend too. Either way, he agrees with everything and that's all that matters.

Seth knows he's asking for a lot but it's the only thing making sense to him to help Dean get back on track. Even if he should lose at Payback, he'll know that he did so against the absolute best and that he's surrounded by his family at all times.

Randy is an unknown factor but they can all count on him fighting only for himself, attacking everyone at any given moment. Dean and Roman will stand tall together until the final night arrives. And then, only then, will they decide on a whim which way they'll go. If one of them turns face or heel and joins him on his crusade or goes his own way even.

'Don't tell me it's cause of what I said earlier,' Dean accuses him – rightfully so – but before he can defend himself Roman steps into the breach. 'Should stay in the family, don't ya think? It's only fair if we both get a chance to take the title from him.'

Yeah, they wish. He's defeated them countless times without the help of the Authority already. He won't give that belt up that easily.

Dean grunts something Seth isn't able to understand properly over the phone and he has time to quickly check on his snoring security before his brother speaks up again. 'Let's ignore my definite answer for a sec; how do you want to pull this off?'

Good. That part is already mapped out – he and Kane did a lot of brainstorming earlier, coming up with the perfect, bulletproof way. In the end the answer was so simple.

He sits down on the edge of his bed, slipping out of his boots. He didn't even have time to wind down yet, too busy with scheming. Seth still feels wired up and he breathes twice through his nose to calm down a bit.

'Now listen carefully. Kane will reignite our feud on the big screen. He'll continue to be fed up with my antics and make a match between us. J&J are banned from ringside, logically,' he explains, shimmying out of his pants. 'And because I can throw the best temper tantrums, he adds the stipulation to turn the title match into a Fatal 4-Way if you beat me. On Smackdown we sign the contract and once it's set in stone no one can do anything about it.'

'So you wanna lose against me? I don't want your chance then. I wanna earn it.' He shakes his head determinedly, forgetting momentarily that no one can see him. 'How low is your opinion of me? It'll be a fair fight and you know I wouldn't have it any other way. That's why it'll be just you and me. I do have some pride left.'

Both his brothers snicker and it sounds a bit mean, as if they've lost all faith in Seth even remembering what a fair fight is. How rude. It's not like The Shield never used guileful methods to win during their heel run. Who do they think he learned everything from?

'Okay, smartass. What if I lose?' Dean won't, Seth just knows that. His friend was so close to defeating him every match during their feud and at Hell In A Cell he would have won if Bray hadn't interfered. In an equal battle his brother is as good as Seth.

But he knows his brother by heart, knows how he moves and how to counter. In a title fight, he would use all that knowledge against Dean – boyfriend or not – but to get him into the picture he will count on his partner finally getting what he deserves: a victory over him. The only one Seth will allow him to get away with.

'Then we'll find another way to include you. The fans love you, they will want to make this happen at all costs. But you won't lose, you hear me? One year is enough, Dean. I know you have it in you and I also know there's a lot of pent-up frustration you still need to unleash on me. I'm ready for it. But don't think for a second I will go easy on you on Monday or Payback. You are my brothers and I love you, but this is _my_ title.'

They huff out a fond laugh and Seth can make out hurried footsteps in the background. Dean started pacing the room, mulling over everything he just said. He can feel what will come next and he's also aware that it's one of the hardest decisions the two of them ever had to make.

'Is this your not so subtle way to force one of us to turn on the other during Payback?' No. Yes. Probably. He's tired of being alone and if one of his brothers – preferably Dean – goes dark side they can travel together again and no one would ask any questions. Not even Hunter or Stephanie.

He just wants his family back and if he has to do it this way, then so be it. Like he said, a year is enough.

'We need to talk about that option too, yeah,' he breaks the bad news, holding his breath in anticipation. It's quiet on the other end and Seth wishes he could see their faces. They're obviously having an entire conversation now, without words to redline him. As punishment for potentially breaking them up.

'You remember what happened last year the night after that Pay-Per-View?' He does. And he'll never stop feeling sorry for it. Payback is a dark chapter in their history but they could turn it into a good one this time around.

'Okay, _we_ need _you_ to leave us alone now. And be sure that I will kick your ass on Monday. If I see that you hesitate just once I'm calling this whole thing off,' Dean warns him and Seth smiles into the darkness surrounding him. His brother is on board – at least with that part of the plan.

Even though he doesn't know how all of this will eventually turn out, Seth feels like he accomplished a great deal tonight. He's one step closer to reaching his goal and he helped Dean forget about the huge mistake his life supposedly is. Seth gave him a new focus until his partner is ready to share his thoughts.

'Promise. Think about it and then let's talk on Sunday. You two have to be prepared for _all_ the possibilities regarding Payback. I love you,' he says his goodbye, grinning from ear to ear when Dean mumbles a disgruntled _Fuck you too_.

His brother doesn't want to turn on Roman but he also doesn't want to be the one being betrayed once more. He's between a rock and a hard place, Seth can emphasize with that, which is why he'll give Dean all the time he needs. Just because they discuss these matters doesn't mean they'll have to do it.

'It's pretty lonely here,' he tries to convince his friends one last time and Dean sighs loudly. 'I know. It won't be for long.' That is not a yes yet. Seth however knows that it means his partner will give this some serious thought. After all, no matter what they'll do, he's the one who has to give up the most.

He's about to hang up when Roman's voice gets louder – as if he moves closer to the phone to end the call too – muttering disbelieving, and definitely not for him to hear, 'See what he's doin' there? Putting you into his 'n mine business like he'd rather have you as his bodyguard.'

Seth is only doing that to keep Dean's mind preoccupied, to make him grab that brass ring and so he won't have to helplessly watch his brothers wage war. Roman hardly could stand that, how does he think Dean would be able to handle it?

His brother chuckles hundreds of miles away, answering surprisingly proudly, 'Perks of having a powerful boyfriend.' And then there's only silence.

 _Boyfriend_.


	7. together we shine brighter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _'You got your funeral date, buddy. Bring the cinderblocks for tonight, it'll get ugly.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is. My take on the way too short Shield reunion that almost cost me a heart attack. I don't think I've ever had to stop a PPV to finish crying and calming down before I watched the rest. The last time I was that emotional Kane got chokeslammed through the SD stage back in 2000 and I thought he was dead for sure. FEELS. Also, I love you. I can never stress that enough!

**Payback  
Sunday May 17, 2015  
10:12 am**

'You still mad?' Dean asks, not able to hide the grin spreading over his face. Seth has been sulking ever since Monday, only talking to him when it was absolutely necessary. What a spoilsport.

They're having a rare moment alone – Roman is still not back from his workout and Seth stopped by during broad daylight to go over the plan for tonight – but so far his brother hasn't said a single word. The title is resting on the bed while they both sit on the couch, the damn thing not in their line of vision but always at the back of their minds.

He's asked Seth more than once, 'You do realize that you could lose it to one of us, right? Just checking you're still with us.' Simply because he's not so sure anymore that Seth thought about all the loose ends.

He knew that one day Seth would lose his focus, that it'd get too much for him to handle all at once, which is why Dean and Roman argued long and really loud about Payback and one of them possibly turning on the other. All is fair in love and war. And the title hunt.

But this is different. Seth knew very well what he was asking of them when he decided to add Dean to the Triple Threat match. It might have started as a favor – and Dean is thankful for this opportunity – but they all could see it for what it really was.

His baby brother hopes he'll join him on the dark side since he's tired of being alone in the midst of the enemy. Kane doesn't count, cause he's as eager to get away from the Authority as Seth. But Dean doesn't really want to turn heel. He likes being a tweener, enjoys the freedom it gives him. He can do whatever he wishes without being labeled as the good or the bad guy.

Sure, people call him the unstable, Lunatic Fringe – which, blah, why is this still a thing? – but they cheer for him no matter what he does. It amazes him that fans come up to him and say they love him, how they look up to him, how he saved them.

It's hard to believe that he has that kind of impact on others' lives but he is eternally grateful that he can make a difference. That he can help others back on track. Just like Roman and Seth did for him. Without them, he wouldn't even be able to be a role model for others.

Weird, huh? Dean Ambrose, a role model. Look how far he has come.

So, turning heel. Still a thing. Still a possibility. Still Seth's hope. Still not something Dean particularly wants to do. They've discussed Roman turning since Dean is in the way, standing between the Samoan and the title as well as his revenge.

It's funny, considering that Ro was always the guy pulling Dean off Seth when they got into an argument and now Dean is in the middle, torn between standing tall with his best friend and siding with his secret boyfriend.

He really doesn't get why they can't just skip the whole backstabbing, joining each other's crusades, months of feuding over nothing part and get to the real shit. Reunite as The Shield. Cause Dean is still impatiently waiting for that, no matter how many times he says it's okay if they go their separate ways for a while longer.

'You hit me with the Dirty Deeds,' Seth finally grits out and Dean rolls his eyes. 'You never before hit me with them.' So what? He got Curb Stomped into oblivion so many times and never once complained. If Seth believed he'd get away just like that, he thought wrong.

'Shouldn't you know me better? Baby, you really expected to escape it forever?' Seth whips his head around and stares at him hard and inquisitive and Dean can't help but remember how Roman reacted after RAW. 'I'll see you on Payback, brother,' was all his best friend said, with a smirk that told Dean he won't hold back at the Pay-Per-View. If he Spears him again, it'll be on purpose.

Dean and Ro have had way too many fist fights in their hotel rooms already, he doesn't expect anything less. But they still have a similar goal tonight. And that's Seth's title. Plus, keeping Randy away from their brother. This should be a Shield match, but his friend couldn't find a way to eliminate Orton, so they'll have to deal with that somehow.

Seth stays silent, pouting right next to him. So it's okay if he uses his finishing moves – new or old – on Dean on multiple occasions, but he just has to hit _one_ Dirty Deeds and the world is about to end? Why should only Dean be the nice one? The considerate one. Fuck that. It's been a long time coming.

'Hey, was my hometown. Gotta step up,' he shrugs, not comprehending why he just apologized. Seth makes him soft. 'Next time just counter it with your new finisher.' That seems to soothe his friend a little and he sighs, finally stopping his moping session.

'This is about the championship. Nothing personal,' Dean further says, conveniently leaving out how on Monday he shortly forgot that Seth was his partner and brother and saw him as his enemy. Returning back home to Cincinnati is always a little odd.

He has so many bad memories but the fans make all of that go away in a second. He stood there, backstage, watching the opening segment and feeling his chest swell with pride. All the _we want Ambrose_ , _you sold out_ and _Ambrose, Ambrose_ chants they threw at Seth got into his head and under his skin. He walked down the ramp, seeing Seth for the first time ever in his life as someone he wanted to destroy completely.

Ro never demanded an apology, knew he wouldn't get one, but Seth is different. Always taking everything so goddamn personal. Which is why Dean never told him that no matter what they'll do tonight – Roman turning on him, Dean turning on his best friend, Seth turning face; everything is possible and they know what to do in any of those cases – he will fight only for himself.

There are no brothers or boyfriends in that match. At least that's his personal plan. If Seth is involved, Dean sadly can't even promise himself anything, because his feelings keep on getting in the way. It's a little aggravating.

Seth breathes out through his mouth, sinking back into the cushions, almost drowning in them. 'Know what you'll do tonight? Or tomorrow?' Nope. Not a single clue yet. Anything can happen, but Payback belongs to The Shield. One way or another they'll put their mark on it once more.

No matter if there's another treason waiting at the night following it or if something memorable happens during the main event. God, he can't believe it's been almost a year since Seth turned his back on them. Look at him now, he's the World Heavyweight Champion.

Seems like he left for all the right reasons.

'Rome doesn't really hate me, does he?' Dean looks at his brother, surprised that the events of weeks ago still haunt him, But then again, this is Seth, never able to forget a single word they said. Makes him wonder how much Dean hurt him back when he didn't believe Seth was genuine when he said he loved him. When Dean spit out all those hateful things because he was convinced that dweeb was a turncoat through and through.

'He just hates who you've become,' he utters, adding quickly when Seth's face falls down, 'the person you pretend to be. Not the real you. Seth, come on, you know he loves you. If he could, he'd turn back time to last June and side with the Authority to execute your plan or do whatever to protect us.'

'Didn't protect me from getting hit with three finishers on RAW,' his brother mumbles, once more sounding butthurt as fuck. 'No, he and you even helped destroy me.'

'Want me to say sorry? Hey, you got to be champ, now deal with it. The bull's eye on your back doesn't get smaller. I hit you, I hit Ro. So, as far as I'm concerned, I treated you both equally. Take it or leave it, man.' This is not a game anymore. This is about the most prestigious title out there and Dean has worked hard his entire life to get here.

Tonight, he will only have three enemies and he'll do whatever it takes to win that shit. If he has to form small alliances, then so be it. Dean knows every trick in the book and he'll use that knowledge.

And on Monday, he and Roman will still be brothers, best friends. It'll be them against the rest of the world. No matter which side they're on. Just as it will be Dean and Seth, boyfriends and soulmates or however Seth fancily called them. Blood is thicker than water, championship belts or betrayals.

Every sibling can tell you that.

'Wanna make out until Ro comes back? I'm sure he misses walking in on us.' Seth chuckles, shaking his head exasperatedly, as if he's still surprised that Dean couldn't care less about anything. 'Sure you want to use all your energy on sex instead of saving it for tonight?'

Hell yeah. Who knows when they'll be able to meet again, with none of them able to predict how things will work out.

'Hey, if you don't wanna ride the Ambrose train, fine. Don't come complaining to me later,' he states matter-of-factly, but Seth claps him on the shoulder, groaning, 'Like I'd ever turn you down. You rarely propose that anyway. I'd be an idiot not saying yes.'

'You _are_ an idiot, Biebs,' he grins, yanking Seth up to gently throw him on the bed. He's always wanted to fuck on the title.

* * *

**01:19 am**

When Seth strolls into their accommodation with that shiny belt on his shoulder, Roman throws him a gleeful glance while Dean rubs his hair dry with a towel, dropping it on the floor so his baby brother will trip over it. Predictably, Seth stumbles through the room, the anger he'd been bottling up for a few hours finally ready to explode.

'You played me, in front of the whole world,' he yells, not able to keep his voice down. Wow, he sounds completely heartbroken. Dean didn't expect that – not after everything Seth did to them after last year's Payback. Seeing him like this isn't even half as awesome as he thought it'd be when he asked Ro to trick their friend with a mini Shield reunion.

He thought they'd have a good, hearty laugh about it, that it'd be a tale they could one day tell their grandchildren but watching Seth averting his gaze to stare at the towel that brought him to his knees, Dean feels something he's rarely allowed himself to acknowledge. Remorse. Regret. Sympathy.

Love.

His own chest seizes up and he has to turn away from his brothers to close his eyes and collect his thoughts. He never thought Seth would make such a big deal out of this. Dean should have known though. He had sensed it tonight, during the Pay-Per-View, saw it in Seth's overly exuberant face when they Triple Powerbombed Randy like in the good old days.

Seth was so happy to be on the same page as them that he threw caution in the wind. He disregarded the double life he'd been leading for one year now, didn't spare a thought about the Authority. He was so caught up in the moment, so glad to be back in The Shield with Dean and Roman – even though it was him who said he's fine on his own – that he forgot who he was supposed to portray.

'I thought– I really– for one second–' Seth stops himself, not even sure what he wants to convey and Dean is eternally grateful for the silence that follows. But then his baby brother finds his voice again, tone as mad as before.

'Payback, I get it. Very funny, ha ha. That was totally uncalled for. You didn't have to do that. You not only wrestled as best friends in there – loser pays the beer,' he mocks Roman and Dean can hear him walk through the room, throwing his championship belt carelessly on a chair. That right there says everything. 'But you also– you.'

He can't even put it into words. 'I broke The Shield, I deserve punishment for that. I'm still in for an ass-kicking, I know. But _this_? When I left, you two moved on together. I never took that away from you, never wanted to, never will. More needs to happen to make you two part ways. Still, tonight. I was prepared to–'

Why is Roman not cutting him off? Why won't Dean turn around to look his brother in the face? He's starting to feel nauseous the longer they let him stand there, struggling for words, trying to comprehend how they could do this to him. It was supposed to be a joke, a little reminder that The Shield is dead but at the same time very alive and kicking.

It should show the world that Dean and Roman are ready to forgive Seth, just not quite yet. There's still too much left unsaid. He never wanted to bring Seth any pain with this idea. And to be honest, Dean is glad that his brother retained the title – even if it once again was a dirty fight.

'Would either of you look at me?' Seth demands but Dean doesn't move, hoping Roman will oblige. Nothing happens, except for Seth scoffing disdainfully, crossing the room to pick up his title. 'Fine, I'm out. Good luck with ever getting another title shot again.' And with that he's out of the door, leaving them in a shameful quiet.

'You should go after him,' Ro finally proposes and Dean can hear that he too doesn't care about the damn championship. They know that it was just an empty threat. Seth would still die for them, will continue to manipulate his way around the Authority to help his family, which makes this ten times worse.

'It sounded like fun,' he defends himself and jogs to the door, not even bothering with putting on any shoes or pants – he can't let Seth walk away like this, thinking they did it to spite him – listening to Roman buzz, 'I know. It was. But only for us.'

Seth is just about to get into the car when Dean grabs his elbow and holds him in place. He doesn't ask him to stay, doesn't beg him for forgiveness. He just moves his hand down to his brother's wrist and fingers, entwining them, pulling him into a hug.

At first, Seth tries to free himself, still too furious to just let Dean take his anger away with a simple embrace but soon he gives up, downright deflating in his arms and leaning against his body. It's been a rough night for him, for all three of them; neither Dean nor Ro went easy on him.

Getting hit with Kane twice must've been brutal. Not being able to pin Dean surely weighs on him. Watching his brothers fight all in good will while he couldn't join them must have been devastating. And having the false hope that The Shield was back together, that they'd let him get away with his sins because they love him, that they wanted their baby brother back to help him on his crusade has broken him inside.

And it's all Dean's fault. Cause he thought it'd be a good rib, a way to let Seth pay a little for what he did. He's never felt more appalled by himself than in this moment. Toying with Seth's emotions wasn't something he ever wanted to do. Guess, he forgot himself momentarily too.

Payback means a great deal to Dean, to the Hounds of Justice. He wanted to pay tribute to it while simultaneously giving him and Ro some satisfaction. Show the WWE Universe that they can fool Seth, the mastermind and architect, too. He didn't really think this through and now the fat's in the fire.

'Are you hurt?' is the first thing he is able to inquire after a while, dragging Seth into the shadows with him. No need for other wrestlers to see them out here, starting to ask questions nobody can answer. His friend shakes his head, muttering grouchily, 'Not physically, no.'

Good. Small victories also count. Dean doesn't mention his stinging jaw from the Superman Punch, his aching ribs from the Spear or his small bruises when Kane or Seth attacked him. All that isn't important right now.

'It was dumb,' he finally admits, running his fingers through Seth's hair, guiding the other's head to rest on his collarbone. It's the only apology Seth will get, the only thing Dean has to offer. He knows he did wrong, but he's not willing to take it back. Seth did deserve a small amount of it for ever turning his back on them.

Dean thought it was a small price to pay. That's why he's not in charge of the plans, because he doesn't consider the consequences at all.

'No,' Seth breathes against his skin, putting the title on Dean's waist to fling his arms around his neck and pull him closer. 'It was entirely _you_.' Exactly. All Dean can do is bring misery, that's the only thing he's good for. He just wanted Seth to feel a fraction of the agony and pain he went through on June 2nd. And he would have killed to pull this off.

That is Dean Ambrose. A ruthless, self-absorbed person that'd do everything to get what he wants. This is not the man he wanted to be, not the boyfriend Seth should be proud to call his.

'Who told Kane to ensure I'd win?' his brother suddenly asks and Dean freezes. Kane was well informed, knew about every possible outcome and just waited for the right signal to know what they wanted him to do. Seth nuzzles against his neck before he looks him in the eyes, begging for an honest answer. They are both aware what the truth means: two brothers got betrayed tonight.

'I told him to keep you safe. If you'd win, he'd win. If you'd lose, he'd still win. But I want you to be a great champion. I wanna take that title from you and I only fight the very best this business has to offer. It's either me or Ro.'

It's not like he went into the match, thinking he couldn't walk out of it as the new champion. Dean doesn't swing that way. He also never doubted that Roman – or Randy, but he likes to forget that detail – would be able to pin Seth. Anything can happen in a Fatal 4-Way, even a horribly short and painful Shield reunion.

But he wanted to protect Seth, make sure he's in the hands of someone capable and not Merry and Pippin. Dean couldn't handle it if anything ever happened to his little brother.

Seth chuckles tiredly, kissing him gingerly on the bruised jawline. 'I can take care of myself.' 'Says the one who hasn't had a single fair fight since he le– and the one he had, he lost. Against, oh, look at that, me.' His friend bites him gently in the shoulder, murmuring that he's lost a lot of matches in the past year. More than he wants to admit.

'They don't count,' Dean retorts, meaning every word he said. Just like he wishes he could act like all the losses he suffered aren't important. Because they've led him here; even if it was only for one night he has been back in the main event picture. All thanks to Seth.

Dean isn't that moronic anymore to not realize when destiny grants him a precious, rare gift. And by that he means Seth, not his opportunity to win the title.

'I blew my cover, all because I wanted to believe you two had ditched all the selling out plans I came up with.' Yeah, he could see that. He pats Seth on the back, rubbing over his spine, the movement soon turning into a tiny massage. 'Your fault, if you only think about people committing treason,' he shoots back, reprimanding his brother for actually wanting to force them apart.

The only thing that could do that is Seth, they all know it, but Dean is not yet willing to give Roman up. He can't take another backstabbing at the moment. Seth's still stings so badly, as if it'd just had been yesterday. He has no idea how he's supposed to survive June 2nd. They're gonna be in Texas, maybe he can hide at Taker's place. Perhaps he'll barricade himself in a hotel room without telling anyone where he is.

Not that that ever stopped Seth from finding him, but he's sure he shouldn't be around anyone on that day. Least of all Seth.

'You said I wouldn't be alone for long. I thought this was the night. I was so happy when we did the Triple Powerbomb. And my heart dropped when you refused to do the fist thing. One look into your face and I knew your smile would fade away. Actually seeing it turn into a cold frown, I think I forgot how to exist.'

He should have looked at Roman, who wore the smile a few seconds longer than Dean. He shouldn't even have been on the side of the opponent, but that's their life now. Dean promised that things would change, but he wisely never specified on when that'd be. Or what they'd do.

Hell, he doesn't even have a single clue what'll happen once he decides that Seth has suffered enough and shouldn't be lonely anymore. Dean never has a plan, why is Seth still waiting for him to come up with one? If he'd have a say, he'd let Ro and Seth fight it out and finally bring down the Authority.

Either by letting a second Shield member join Seth or by turning his baby brother face. Or Kane will tip the scales. Seth needs to stop wanting to control everything. Or expect things Dean can't live up to.

'I keep my promises,' is all he says, simply because it's the truth and once more all he can give. It's pathetic how little he's able to offer his own boyfriend. 'I know. One of your better traits.' My, my, he has those? And more than only one? Who would've thought that.

'Let's get you back inside. I don't mind walking around in boxers and I'd love to see you find an excuse for being pressed against me but I think Ro's ready to sleep. And he'll let you hear that apology I owe you.' Seth refuses to be led towards their room, just keeps on standing at the edge of the parking lot like a deeply embedded tree.

They gaze at each other, Dean getting a bit uncomfortable, until Seth shakes his head, whispering, 'You don't owe me anything, you hear that?' But he hurt his brother, the least he can do is admit he's sorry. 'Just let me in on the crazy stuff before you do it. I bet I looked like a fool.'

'You did,' he snickers, not quite sure why Seth decides to let this one slide, why they both start laughing out loud. 'I can't believe you left me hanging with the fist. Man, that was weird.' If they ever reunite, Seth shouldn't be the one initiating that ritual. He's lost the right to do so a long time ago.

Dean can forgive a lot, that though he can't. Doesn't want to either.

They walk over to their room, Roman waiting for them on the bed, watching some late night show, eyes already falling shut. Without saying a word they crawl under the covers on both his sides and cuddle up to him, Dean switching the television off.

The sudden darkness is more than welcome and Dean finally is able to breathe freely. He waits for Seth to reach for his fingers, since this is his newest quirk, smiling relieved when Roman's huge hand covers their joined ones for a moment.

The simple gesture expresses more than he ever could – he never was a man of many words anyway, neither is Ro – and Seth runs his thumb over Dean's, murmuring pleadingly, 'Don't ever do that to me again. Not if you don't mean it.'

He brings their fingers to his mouth, giving Seth a hand kiss, promising silently to only prank him without their world falling apart afterwards.

* * *

'Ya serious?' he grunts into the phone, not able to understand how Seth can be up this early and calling him when they just spend the night together. When the hell did he get up and leave? Did he even sleep?

'Yes, I am, Mr Ambrose, now wake up, get your ass out of bed and listen to me once more,' Seth demands and Dean grumbles, pushing Roman off of him – who just turns around and keeps on snoring lightly – to trot into the bathroom. He blinks at the light and the words staring at him. Where the everloving fuck did Seth get lipstick?

'What about Ro?' he asks, yanking off some toilet paper to clean the damn mirror from his brother's little message. _Elimination Chamber – we have a date_. He still feels bad for both of them cause they didn't manage to take Seth's title; at the same time he's proud that his friend defended it.

All these conflicting emotions because he loves and hates Seth as the champion.

His brother sighs, the sound telling Dean everything he needs to know. He shakes his head, even though Seth can't see, muttering decisively, 'We're not leaving him out of the picture. First you gotta tell me you won't forget about him.'

'Dean, he's had his chances while you crawled around at the bottom of the pond, struggling for air.' _Well, fuck you too_. No need to phrase it like that. He'll kick Seth's ass for this next time he sees him, no matter where they are and what role they're playing. No one tells Dean that he sucks – other than he himself.

'Say that one more time and you won't live to see another day,' he grits out, not sure if he means the part about his best friend or the one about his efforts not amounting to anything. Seth remains silent while Dean rubs the letters off the smooth surface, cursing his friend for making him clean up his stuff. He could have left a stupid note instead of scribbling on the bathroom mirror.

After a while his brother tries again, softer and more patient, as if Dean's a little kid that didn't get the candy it wanted and started a temper tantrum in the middle of the store. 'I promise, Roman will get his chance one day again. Just now I want you.'

It's not always about what Seth Rollins wants. When will that dickhead finally get that?

'I'd feel better if you'd ask him,' he replies, grinning when he realizes that he's finally trying to do the right thing. Last night, he not only hurt Seth profoundly, he also single-handedly cost his best friend the title by asking Kane to keep Seth safe.

He should learn that it's not about what Dean Ambrose craves either. He doesn't care what's best for business, he just wants to right his wrongs. And he can't do that by facing Seth at Elimination Chamber. He'll have to make sure that Ro finally gets what he should have had months ago.

If Dean accepts this offer, he'll once again stand in the way of Roman and his vengeance and– oh, fuck, really? That cunning son of a bitch. He'll never give up, huh?

'I want you,' Seth repeats and Dean nods. Yeah, he gets it. Boyfriends, special favors he never asked for. And Seth's ulterior motive to drive a wedge between Dean and Roman. Only on camera, but the fact remains. That little shit intends to split them up at all costs.

'You won't let me win the title from you anyway, getting help once again from your underlings. I'm so sick of that, Seth. You giving me a chance maybe sounds good in your head but it's really frustrating if you just let Gnomeo and Juliet interfere. I'm done with that.'

He wants a real chance, a one-on-one like in the old days. Seth didn't need help from anyone back in FCW when they first met and fought for the championship. This is not the champ Dean wants to go to war with. The prospect of winning has left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Dean fights to defeat the best, to prove to himself that he can take on anyone; heel or face. He does not walk countless times into the same battle he'll never be allowed to win anyway. He's run against that wall for months now and he's done wasting his energy on it. There are so much better things he could concentrate on.

Like the vacant Intercontinental Title. After all, he wanted it to cement his legacy. Now that Daniel is out of the picture for who knows how long, Dean can't wrestle against the best there is holding that belt. And his US title can wait a little longer for him to come and get her back. She's in good hands for now.

'You never back down from a fight,' Seth reminds him, rightfully so, but Dean just flushes down the stained toilet paper to rip off new sheets, wet them and rub angrily over the huge letters mocking him. His brother probably spent the whole night awake, thinking about different scenarios to get his way. He's as stubborn as a mule and right now it ticks Dean off.

'Don't even try to appeal to my pride. I'm done, Seth. I wasn't even supposed to be in the title picture. You dragged me into it and thanks, really, but I wanna earn it. Do it my way.' Is that so hard to understand? Dean has sweat blood and tears to get where he is and he's proud of every second of it.

He clawed his way to the WWE and he'll fight tooth and nail to stay here. He's only twenty-nine, been in this company for barely two and a half years. There's still plenty of time to own the business. Seth won't stay champion forever. Once Brock isn't suspended anymore he'll get killed anyway.

Seth sighs and Dean can hear that his brother won't give up until he says yes. He has already made up his mind and only called to explain the mirror message, not to ask for his permission. What a jerk. This is not fair, but what did Dean expect? Nothing Seth does these days is showing any kind of sportsmanship.

Sometimes he hates the guy Seth turned into for the cameras too.

'You can do whatever you want with me on RAW tonight,' his brother tries to tempt him but Dean has heard enough. This is Ro's chance, not his own. He doesn't want to lose his best friend. Last night, he not only drove a dagger into Seth's heart – the aftermath pained him as much as his friend.

He gave himself what he yearns for the most, the reunion of The Shield, his family, but at the same time he violently ripped it away from himself. And there's only him to blame. Dean is also done with that.

'Don't, Seth, just don't.' He throws the next pile of used paper into the toilet, finally grabbing a towel to wipe the lipstick off since it bugs him to no end that the soft sheets keep falling apart under his hands. So far, he's made the mess even bigger instead of cleaning it up.

He'll probably leave it as soon as no one can read what has been standing there anymore. The next customers don't need to know that Seth not only fucks with his head but also him.

'Dean, please. I need you. If I can't have you on my side, I want to be close to you in the ring. Don't take that away from me. I really can't do this without you. Please don't leave me alone. _I need you_ ,' his brother begs vehemently, voice so thin and raspy that Dean stops moving, his heartbeat picking up on its own accord.

He sags down on the edge of the bathtub, watching the smeared red stains on the mirror and listens to Roman breathe evenly in the room next to him. Dean is about to give in, he can feel it, because he's never been able to say no to Seth. This is becoming a problem.

'Give me five minutes, I'll call back,' he mutters, hanging up without waiting for a reply, marching up to the bed to shake his best friend until he opens his eyes. If he's going to do this, he won't keep Roman in the dark, won't present him with a fait accompli. This is no longer Seth's decision.

'I hate you 'n you'll die if this ain't important,' is the first thing Ro mumbles as soon as he recognizes Dean standing next to him, yawning heartily. His brother is about to fall back asleep, so he pinches him in the arm, ignoring his surprised outcry.

'The fuck, Dee?' 'No time for that,' he shoos his question away with an impatient hand gesture, pointing at the phone in his fingers. 'Seth came up with a new plan. Sometimes I think he shits them out like he's only eaten chili his whole life.'

Roman blinks at him, face as unreadable as ever. But at least he has his undivided attention. 'What's he come up with now?' It sounds almost a bit annoyed, as if he too can't keep up with Seth changing his mind and schemes like his underwear.

'Elimination Chamber, title match. Me and him.' Dean doesn't hold back the truth; there's no need to with Roman. 'I said he can forget it. I was the reason Kane interfered last night, costing us both the title. To a certain degree. So I want him to fight you.'

Roman stares at him, not saying anything for a couple of minutes and the phone in his hand rings when his time is up and he hasn't contacted Seth yet. He doesn't accept the call, just holds the gaze with his best friend. After a whole lifetime, in which Dean should have been getting nervous, but he was actually pretty calm – Ro just has that effect on him – his friend stirs, taking the mobile out of his hand to greet Seth.

'I don't care if I win the title from you or Dean. I don't give a crap if he defeats you, I still want your ass, you hear that? You're long overdue for my personal payback and if you think last night was bad, I'm gonna make you cry in the middle of the ring,' Roman evenly speaks into the phone, not taking his eyes off him the whole time.

'And you better make sure that the real Seth Rollins faces my man or I will haunt and murder you myself. Enough with the bullshit.' He then hands Dean his smartphone back, whispering, 'Beat him, cause you're long overdue for a title. And then you're mine an' he can have you day 'n night. Make him regret he ever separated us.'

So Roman can see the truth behind all of this too. God, he loves this man so much, it's unbelievable. He never could have wished for a better brother. 'You really okay with this? I'm not gonna ask again.'

His best friend nods, gracing him with a small smile before his head hits the pillows again and he mumbles something about fucking Seth up at Money in the Bank and sleeping until the show tonight since there's nothing for him to do anyway if he's at the back of the line once more. 'Will watch you make him crap his pants though, so you better come up with something good to explain why you should have another opportunity.'

Oh, believe him, Dean already has a bittersweet idea for that. And Seth is going to agree because he promised him free reign. Never give Dean Ambrose a chance to take over. Someone is about to learn a lesson tonight. At least until the numbers game will catch up on him. After all, it'll be one against six. Oh, he likes the odds of that.

'You got your funeral date, buddy. Bring the cinderblocks for tonight, it'll get ugly.'


	8. death can't take you if you can't be free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _'He loves your feud, no matter what he has to go through. Jail, beat downs, you playing dirty or shitting on him in the ring. Dean accepts whatever you throw at him, as long as he knows you're happy. He's doing all of that for you, have you spared a single thought at that?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story just keeps growing, which is why I thought it was time to step it up a notch. Thanks to everyone who is still miraculously reading this. I admire your endurance. Have yourself a little Elimination Chamber and 1st anniversary of Seth's betrayal chapter.

**Elimination Chamber  
03:07 am**

He knows something is seriously amiss when Roman opens the door for him and not Dean. No matter what happened in the past between them, his brother has always been there to greet him. Even if he most likely rather wants to punch him in the face than letting him into his heart and motel room alike.

Tonight, he fucked up. Big time.

Seth had it coming, he finally lost to the better man. He always knew Dean would one day find the inner strength to beat him, even though he was fighting one against four and without Roman backing him up. Dean doesn't need anyone in his corner but Seth knows how much confidence it can give you if there's someone watching over you.

He shouldn't be the champion and he completely deserves that he had to listen to his own boyfriend call their big brother _baby_. It's Dean's way of showing him that he made one too many mistakes and that his friend is no longer willing to turn a blind eye just because they're together.

He's lost his free pass to screw them over, even if he only has the best intentions.

Seth isn't jealous of the bond Roman and Dean share, at least most of the time. Usually, he can see it for what it is: family, best friends; the only person that didn't leave when their whole world fell apart, thanks to Seth. It's his fault that they're this inseparable unit and he has no right to complain about it.

Especially since he too has a unique, unbreakable – well, after tonight he's not so convinced anymore, but he keeps on hoping – bond with Dean. One that Rome will never have and that is entirely theirs.

Doesn't mean he's a good person and leaves them be while he has to suffer all day long. They all know he's hell-bent on splitting them up, so he won't have to be alone anymore. But all he achieves with that is that they stand together even stronger.

He misses that so damn much. Having someone close who loves him with all his heart, traveling with his buddies, coming into a hotel room and there's a friend hugging him because they felt that he needs some cheering up.

Nowadays he can't show any weakness. Only when he's alone with Kane but it's not the same. Sure, he knows it's because he ran off like a headless chicken, but he's been paying for that for a whole eternity already. He's not sure how long he can keep going like this. How much he can endure until he breaks apart.

The title is lying on the floor, next to Dean's stuff and Seth's gaze is instantly drawn to it. Honestly, he's not missing it one bit. Not because he still owns it, technically, but because Dean has earned it. He didn't steal it to teach Seth a lesson like he did with his briefcase. _You robbed me off my victory, so I retaliate by stealing the prize._

This time the title belongs to his brother and Seth will leave it exactly where it is. Besides, he didn't come to take what rightfully belongs to Dean.

'Where is he?' he asks, dread starting to pool in his gut. His friend's absence bothers him more than he wants to admit. Roman shrugs, closing the door behind him after scanning the darkness outside. 'God knows,' is all he gets as an answer and Seth sags his shoulders.

Great. Not only is Dean gone, walking around outside to deal with everything on his own again, but Rome is watching him with that big brother stare of his. The one that tells Seth he expects a proper explanation and apology.

It'd be a miracle if Dean even wants to see him at all tonight. Seth in his place wouldn't be able to but he prays his boyfriend will calm down enough to at least come back.

'Is he mad?' Roman scoffs, looking at the championship belt that was carelessly thrown to the floor and Dean's leather jacket. For a moment he thinks the other will grunt out a _what do you think?_ but then his brother only sighs and shakes his head. 'Surprisingly not because of tonight, no. You're blessed with him, man. I already would've ripped your head off.'

He knows that Dean is the yin to his yang, the light to his darkness, the chaos to his order. He _is_ blessed and sometimes he forgets this, hurting his family without wanting to. The past two weeks he put everything in jeopardy, throwing Dean in prison and secretly busting him out again, attacking his best friend, letting the numbers game catch up on him.

'I didn't think they'd bring out a second ref.' And he never imagined that he'd change the result, making it a disqualification even though Dean clearly won. Everyone who escapes the Phoenix Splash deserves to be victorious. Roman just waves his hand in a dismissive gesture and Seth gets the hint. His big friend has no nerves to talk about this right now. He's seen enough of Seth for the whole week.

'I'm sorry. He won, I'm the first to admit it,' he tries but Rome turns around, shooting him a warning glance. The words instantly die on his tongue. 'I told you to not fuck him over.' But he didn't want that to happen. He wasn't exactly happy that he lost but Seth knows when he got bested. After years of coming up short in matches against him, Dean finally exploded, showing him and the world that he still has so much fight left in him.

'I told you to give him a chance, to be the real Seth.' He looks down, not able to meet Roman's gaze anymore. It's been a long time since he got a dressing-down. Seems like Rome finally lost his cool and thinks it's time to intervene. Quite frankly, Seth can totally understand it. If he wouldn't be the one getting it, he'd approve a hundred percent.

'You know what's the worst? He doesn't mind how you treat him out there.' Oh, okay. This is going to suck. His brother needs to let it all out and Seth remains silent, knowing that it was long overdue. Roman has kept his mouth shut for the longest time, but tonight was the last straw; he is so disappointed that he uses Dean's absence to vent his anger and frustration.

If he had known what would happen when he pulled the referee in front of him, he never would've done it. Sure wasn't worth all the trouble. He's never liked it when someone showed him all his faults and pointed out his misbehavior. Family though can do that and one day he'll be able to appreciate Rome's honesty.

'He loves your feud, no matter what he has to go through. Jail, beat downs, you playing dirty or shitting on him in the ring. Dean accepts whatever you throw at him, as long as he knows you're happy. He's doing all of that for _you_ , have you spared a single thought at that?'

Not really. Sure, he asked himself what Dean would think of this or that but he never bothered to check if his brother might have a better way. He never complained, so Seth assumed everything was okay. He's an idiot. As if Dean ever was outspoken and honest about his true feelings.

He'd take a bullet for Seth, even if he's the one pulling the trigger. That's the way Dean ticks.

Seth can deal with Rome's anger, as long as he doesn't say their brother is way too good for him. He couldn't handle that. Not after a night like this, when he sat in his hotel room in complete darkness, mourning the loss of Dean's clean victory instead of his own title.

Not when he waited for a few hours to give them some time for their obligatory celebration beer because Dean got away with his belt. He watched the footage, feeling utterly sick because his whole being craves to be together with them at all times. He wanted to party too. After all, it was Dean's first World Heavyweight Championship.

Roman walks up to him, forcing Seth to look him in the eyes. 'No matter how many times you break him, he'll patch himself together for you, ignoring is own needs because that's what he does. Makin' sure you're okay. While I admire the work he's done on himself since he left Jon Moxley behind, I am so pissed at you for doin' this to him. And to make it all worse you're forcing him to let go of me.'

Man, why did he come here? 'He's not your tool, Seth. So stop bullshitting us all and for fuck's sake stop urging him to turn on me. Even if it'd be fake.' He never saw Dean as his instrument, never meant to abuse him. Roman has to understand that.

'But he promised–' 'I know. Was there too,' Rome brusquely cuts him off, throwing his hands up in the air. 'You're always there.' He didn't intend to say this one out loud, since he doesn't want to sound overly butthurt. Roman is right with everything he says. The truth still stings the most and no one can deliver it better than the Samoan standing in front of him.

Each word feels like a punch in the gut. Seth would like nothing more than to sit down but he doesn't trust his legs to carry him all the way to the couch, so he remains in his spot, ducking his head like he did when he was still a child and got caught doing something stupid.

'I wonder why,' Roman mocks him, throwing his boots into a corner only to breathe through his nose and put them neatly next to his suitcase. Rome is them unified in one person. He has the sudden outbursts of their allegedly unstable brother and the sense of order from Seth.

'Point is, sooner or later he'll do it for you. And I respect that.' Seth does look up at that, dying to know if Roman truly means it. The other's hard eyes leave no doubt; he would never dare talk Dean out of this.

'He can make his own decisions even if he kinda lost his focus and made you his new one. It's not about what's best for him and his career, it's mostly bout keeping you safe and pleased. Like he's afraid otherwise you'll run away again. Maybe cause Tuesday is the anniversary of you selling out. He's kinda edgy lately. Awfully quiet too.'

Since Seth can't be around all live-long day and no one ever told him, he didn't know. His brother always sounds fine on the phone, but he's also an exceptionally good actor. He has to admit that he never thought about the fact that soon June 2nd would roll around.

After one year he hoped the resentment had vanished. That they all got over it. Dean tries with all his might, but Seth must have hurt him more than he ever realized. And he continues to do so. He's the most horrible brother and boyfriend ever. Everything got to his head a bit, changing him more than initially estimated.

'Why do you never ask me to turn?' He doesn't want to laugh, yet he can't contain it. 'You, a heel?' he says, voice not hiding how absurd that sounds. 'Come on, Rome, you'd never do it. The fans finally don't boo you out of the arena anymore, why ruin that by betraying the guy who gets the second biggest pops each night?'

Roman looks like he wants to grab him at the collar and shake him but he stays where he is, only towering menacingly over him, his whole body screaming _bitch slap him_. He doesn't and Seth is eternally grateful for that. 'So it ain't cool if I do it, but it's perfectly fine if you force Dean to give it all up?'

Yeah, doesn't make a lot of sense. He can't believe that logic bites him in the butt right now. Seth shakes his head, muttering ashamed, 'No, of course not.' It was never his intention to let their world only revolve around him.

'You're selfish.' Roman _should_ start hitting him now, that'd be a lot less painful than listening to his big brother dishing out things he doesn't want to acknowledge. Even though it's true, he still opens his mouth; it's not in him to go down without a fight.

Rome interrupts him instantly, tone loud and authoritative. The big dog is talking, so the puppy needs to shut up. 'Before you pull a spoiled diva move on me, hear me out. I won't repeat myself. You're acting selfish, which you've started doin' ever since you dropped us, but we're family and we understand.'

He doesn't like where this is going and he seriously wishes Dean would finally turn up. He'd rather face him than Roman. Mostly because Dean holds back since he doesn't want to murder his own boyfriend. _You've changed and someone needs to tell you. This isn't you. I want the old Seth back._ Yeah, that voice inside his head isn't the only one with that wish.

'Still, kiddo, you got yourself into this jam and we ain't The Shield anymore. We can't get you out of it. You started it, now we'll finish it one way or another. But you need to stop pushing him to turn heel. Don't be so impatient. He needs time to come around cause he really loves the freedom he has at the moment.'

Wait a second. Did he just hear that one right? Not only did Roman stop barking at him, he also– No. Because it sounds like– 'You're no longer asking me to back off completely.' This isn't happening. After everything he just said, his friend gives in?

His kicked puppy face game must be really strong tonight if it even melts the Samoan's heart. His brother groans, sitting down on the bed, rubbing over his eyes and forehead. He's seen that so many times in his life already that he dubbed it the _my little brothers are a pain in the ass but I could never hate them_ gesture.

He also has a _Dean is doing his weird shit again but I can't be mad cause he's such an adorable doofus_ smile and the _Seth is too smart for is own good and I will just pretend I'm still with him_ head shake.

'No point in doing so,' he grumbles, taking off his shirt and pants. 'You never listen to me anyway. He'll follow you wherever you go, but please, let him do it his way. In his own pace. And if he rather wants to stay a tweener, then let him be.'

Seth finally is able to move his body again, leaning against the wall because the couch is still so far away, slipping out of his shoes now that Roman has let off some steam and is back to being the reasonable, silent source of peace he and Dean need so much.

'You don't mind?' His friend huffs out an amused laugh and puts on some sweatpants. 'I mind a lot, dickhead. But I know this time it's only show and why he'd go. Understandable, if you ask me. Think he'd do it even if all that shit didn't happen, if you never would've apologized to us. He's been yours all along, he just needed to see it.'

A few minutes ago, Seth was stunned to silence by Rome's aggressive tone. Now he's too overwhelmed by the tender words and the forgiveness his brother once again gives him even though he's a total prick these days. Fate meant it good when it shoved Dean and Roman at him.

Or rather, when Dean walked up to him all these years ago and announced he – his arch enemy – would be their missing link, their third member and that he has no say whatsoever in this. It's already decided and without Seth there'd be no Shield. For a whole week, Dean told him this and every day he had the same answer. _No, go screw yourself, weirdo._

Now they're here, former members of one of the most dominant stables in WWE history, brothers not by blood but by their own choice and boyfriends. Sometimes life is strange like that.

'You're amazing,' he breathes, relief flooding his veins. When Roman smiles down at his feet, he dares to move forward. He'll take all of this conversation to heart and consider it in the future. Seth doesn't want to use Dean. This is not the kind of relationship he aspired to have.

'I know,' his friend replies grinning, ruffling through his hair as soon as he's close enough. 'You're pretty baffling yourself.' No one else would swallow down their own acrimony for his sake, but his brothers do it over and over, not wanting to hurt him even though he does it more often than not.

He needs them to take him down a peg or two, this just proves it again. Without them he's unbalanced.

'Would you hold me?' He needs that more than ever after getting lectured by Roman. For some reason he always feels like his mom scolds him when his friend raises his voice, which also makes it so effective. Seth doesn't want to disappoint, not his own family.

Rome throws him a glance that makes his heart flutter around in his ribcage happily, pulling him in for the world's best big brother embrace. 'Like you need to ask, twerp.' He lets the other guide him to the bed, for once not caring that Dean still isn't back yet.

They can start the cuddling session without him – just like in the good old times. Being alone with Roman does have its advantages; when he's not being reprimanded, of course.

It's so peaceful and quiet that Seth closes his eyes and dozes off a bit, his subconsciousness only waiting to hear the door being opened. A part of him registers Roman switching off the light and letting him snuggle up to him. While his mind is wrapped up in warm affection and satisfying exhaustion, he distantly hears the telltale creak announcing the return of his true anchor.

He's too lazy to look at his brother – and to be honest, he doesn't feel up to getting another telling off. So he decides to do what he's done for most parts of the night: shut up and listen.

'One of us has to leave.' He hears Dean scoff disdainfully, can practically feel the other's anger crashing over him. It was a wise decision to stay out of this. 'Yeah, and it's all his fault. He stabs us in the back and now he expects us to abandon all we hold dear.'

Dean whispers, though he's barely able to keep his voice down. Looks like he couldn't get rid of all his ire while he was leaving a path of destruction in Corpus Christi. Seth refrains from biting on his lip in shame, only concentrates on breathing evenly to not give away that he's awake.

'You're just pissed he makes you long for him, Shakespeare,' Roman snickers, a heavy hand dropping on his head to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. Shoes are being thrown to the ground, undoubtedly joining the title on the floor, and the fabric of clothes rustles.

'I'm pissed that he thinks he can do whatever he wants, forcing us to somehow deal with the aftermath.' Has he really been so arrogant all this time, thinking he did them a favor while only helping himself?

The bed dips down at their feet and Seth assumes that Dean takes off his socks before he changes into boxer shorts and wifebeater. 'What else is new?' Rome jokes, calming their brother simply by making a dumb comment. Seth is infinitely glad to call him his family.

'You heard him, it was never about me. I'm not worthy enough to be close to him, not in his league. Pretty ninja boy is the measure of all things. He's the future and I'm just gutter trash. God, I can't even eat as much as I wanna puke.' He knew his words would offend him, saw it in Dean's eyes when he was trapped in the corner and that insanity slipped past his lips. As if Dean needs another reason to resent Seth. He's so utterly stupid sometimes.

'It was always about you,' comes the soft reminder, Seth's cheek tickling slightly when Roman's voice booms through his chest. It was, still is. He didn't mean it; almost everything he says in the ring or in promos is made up crap, but some of these pretend things ache more than others. He'll try to consider this before he spits out such hateful things in the future.

Dean heaves a long-suffering sigh and crawls under the covers to rest his head on Roman's right arm, muttering weakly, 'I love him.' Hands down, feigning to be asleep was the best idea he ever had. He's never before heard Dean admit so openly what he feels for him. It's almost enough to make him open his eyes and kiss his boyfriend while trying to push Roman out of the bed.

Their big brother stays silent, knowing there's more to come. Seth is barely able to keep on breathing, curious what else Dean has to say. 'But sometimes I wanna strangle him. Pull his limbs off his damn torso. One by one, while I make him drink his own blood. He keeps on fucking me, Ro.'

There's no interaction he could hear for a while and he knows they're having a discussion via furious stares and exasperated facial expressions. When Roman speaks up again, they've already moved on without him being able to catch up.

'It's been a year.' 'Not you too,' Dean moans, probably wishing people would already stop pestering him with this dreaded topic. Roman shrugs and Seth's head slips down a bit, but a protective, caressing hand immediately cups his cheek, holding him in place until his friend stopped moving.

He knows it's Dean steadying him and he wishes he could smile without giving him away. After everything his brother is still there whenever he needs him. In good times as in bad.

'Just sayin', 'Roman concludes, pulling the covers back over Seth. He's treated them like shit, stabbed them in the back and is still trying to lure one of them to the dark side and they have nothing better to do than condone his actions each and every time. How on earth does he deserve these two?

'Yeah yeah,' Dean grumbles, 'I heard you. Heard him the first thousand times too.' His boyfriend sounds tired, like he and Roman had this discussion so often that he's already fed up with it. It's obvious he has no desire whatsoever to change his current situation. Not if he can help it.

Like Roman said, he'd only do it for Seth. Which is flattering but he needs to think twice about doing this to Dean.

'What do you want?' Rome tries a different approach and Seth pricks his ears, eager to know what the answer will be. Dean doesn't need long, not even a second, to burst out, 'My brother, my family back. _This_.' The hand on his cheek returns, a thumb running over his jawline, the touch intimate and featherlight.

It's so different than what he did during their match, marking his back violently with his fingernails. But it all ultimately means the same. Dean wants him. Let that sink in, bitches. Dean Ambrose wants Seth Rollins with every fiber of his being.

'Then go get it.' Seth can sense that it's not that easy for his middle brother to just take what he craves without considering Roman's feelings and he stifles a chuckle when his boyfriend grits out, 'I hate you.' Like that would ever happen.

'You wish,' Roman snickers, clearing his throat in the following silence to whisper after a few minutes – in which Seth finally had the chance to grin from ear to ear since Dean turned off the lights again, 'Did you see his derp face? He's such a buffoon. I think I'll give him an XXL poster of that for Christmas.'

They both start laughing and he rolls his eyes, not begrudging them of some happiness, especially because they're giant dorks. 'Nothing beats his orgasm-face. I enjoyed it way more when I called you baby. That's what you get for pissing on my parade and boasting that you're the damn future, golden boy.'

'How did you know I was awake?' he mumbles, opening his eyes even though it's pitch black in the room. 'Are you kidding me? I've been on the road with you for years. Besides, you lit up like a candle when I touched you. You're so predictable, princesa.'

God damn.

* * *

**June 2nd, 2015  
02:48 pm**

'Son, you got some nerves. You shouldn't be here.' 'I know. That's exactly why I _am_. Where can I find him?' he answers more confidently than he feels, pushing himself into the man's house without getting an invitation. He's even able to momentarily forget the utmost respect he has for the other.

Being there for Dean during this fateful day is all he can think about. He's the reason his brother sought out the solitude of Taker's residence, so he wants to be the one helping him get through everything too. Roman has no idea he's here, though Seth can imagine he suspects as much.

'In my gym. Face him and I can guarantee you'll get hurt,' Taker warns him but Seth is only listening with one ear. He's well aware that he's the last person Dean wants to see and that interrupting him will entail serious consequences.

Seth came to help Dean put himself back together. After all, it was him who broke his brother exactly one year ago with the help of a steel chair.

The Undertaker leads him through his home and to the back, opening wordlessly – but with a hard stare that still manages to carry a lot of warmth – a door for him. He walks into the man's private gym, watching for a moment how Dean punches a sand back with all his power. Seth is surprised there isn't a picture of him sticking to it.

His brother hits with such ferocity that he gets second thoughts about this. Being on the receiving end of that might just rearrange his face – like his friend promised the night after his betrayal.

Dean is covered in sweat, his hair sticking to his head and falling into his eyes but he doesn't care. He keeps on unleashing all his pent-up frustration on the poor heavy bag, not yet knowing that he's no longer alo– 'The fuck you doin' here?' his brother grits out furiously, fist connecting with the sand bag so hard that it almost falls off its hinges. That's some Captain America stunt right there.

Mark him down as scared and horny.

'You,' Dean yells, stopping to destroy Taker's inventory for a moment to dash towards him and it takes all his willpower to not flee. Heat and wrath crash over him, making him gasp for air. 'How dare you? This is my– it's– I _need_ this,' his brother struggles for words and for the first time ever Dean has some serious trouble not attacking him outside of work.

It's heartbreaking to watch how he bites hard on his bottom lip to the point of drawing blood, the blue eyes so stormy that Seth feels like he's drowning in an ocean of loathing and love. Even now, at his most vulnerable moment, Dean can't stop forgiving Seth for everything he put him through and it's killing him from the inside.

Never before has Dean had to deal with so many conflicting emotions and he evidently has no clue how to properly do it.

His brother is shaking, a tiny trail of blood running down his stubbly chin. 'You can't be here. I don't want you close. Go.' No, no chance in hell. He didn't come all the way to just turn around and leave without having achieved anything. This has nothing to do with their feud or Seth insisting on breaking them up; by the way, he wants to tone that down in the future. He understood how much damage that does to their friendship.

'Rollins, fuck off. If you stay I will hurt you without having any regrets. I told ya, I wanna be alone today. Piss off, I don't wanna see your fucking face. Taker,' he yells, pushing Seth hard so he'll tumble backwards and out of the door. 'Take him away or I'll forget myself.'

'Dee, please.' Uh-oh. Wrong name. That's Rome's thing, not his. Predictably, it ticks Dean off even further. 'You piece of– _go_. Now.' Oh God. Look at his boyfriend trying to keep it together. Seth shamelessly called him a piece of shit mere days ago in front of the whole world but Dean doesn't want to stoop so low.

He shakes his head determinedly and grabs his brother at the wrist, revealing what he was hiding behind his back all this time. Dean's eyes widen and he staggers a few steps to the side, obviously shocked to see his beloved Shield mask in the traitor's hands. 'No,' he whispers, all the fight leaving his body and for a second Seth is convinced his brother will collapse to the floor. 'You don't get to do that. Not today. You have no right.'

Seth hears the door being closed again; Taker has left without a word, sensing that they need some more time alone.

'I didn't want you to see me like this. You weren't supposed to– I'm not myself– Why won't you ever listen?' Seth refuses to respond, just puts on his mask, breathing relieved when the cool fabric hides his flushed cheeks. He missed wearing it, even though they only had them for a short period. Dean keeps staring at him bewildered and Seth is tempted to say something but no excuse, no plea would make this any better. Or easier.

All he can do is meet Dean's gaze head-on and not crumble under the sadness and agony he can see on his brother's face.

Dean reaches out hesitatingly and touches the mask. A finger runs over the white painted teeth on it before he closes his eyes and leans forward, resting his forehead on Seth's, nose bumping against his hidden one.

'How can you do that to me?' The question pulls the rug out from under his feet and he has to steady himself. His brain is blank, not a single thought running through his mind. Seth expected Dean to beat him to a bloody pulp, not to break down mentally and be all soft and unguarded.

'It never ends. I can't shut it down,' his brother speaks on, irritated by himself, desperate hands holding Seth's head in place even though he'd never leave his boyfriend in a moment like this. Dean is in a dangerous place and he doesn't want to be held responsible if he harms himself like in the past.

'Can't stop what?' he croaks out, the mask on his face giving him enough confidence to dare talking. Dean presses his cheek against the well-known texture, whispering defeated, 'Thinking about you. Being close to you. Helping you. Finding flimsy explanations for everything you do, all the things you constantly fuck up.' Doesn't sound like such a bad thing to him.

'Needing you. Loving you. I can't– you're _everywhere_.' Seth doesn't get it. Has Dean not once had a partner that made him genuinely happy? Has he never had trouble breathing until he was in the partner's arms? Wasn't he ever blessed with someone who made all the colors shine brighter, who elevated his heartbeat just by thinking of that person?

Is it really that daunting for Dean to want someone so badly, to depend on another human being?

'I want you gone. You have to leave. Seth, I'm begging you, _let me go_.' June 2nd will forever be the day that has ruined a perfectly healthy friendship, even if a tentative relationship rose from its ashes. Whatever will happen, Seth has thrown away the trust and faith of the most loyal person this world has to offer.

He thought the past year was atrocious torture, but Seth never imagined Dean would break up with him due to one mistake that only brings him down to his knees once a year. They've come so far and now it's supposed to be over? Just like that. All the progress they made is gone because his what?, ex-boyfriend, he guesses heartbroken, can't get over it no matter how hard he tries.

Three hundred and sixty-five days ago, he sabotaged his own happiness. _Well done, Seth._

He averts his gaze, unable to look into his brother's pale face anymore. Coming here was a good idea, but the outcome isn't exactly what he had in mind. Story of his life, as it would seem. He's dicked around with Dean's feelings for too long, has to pay the price now. It had to happen, Roman warned him but he wouldn't pay attention.

He was too sure of Dean, took everything for granted. Look at him now. They've reached the end of the road.

'Still want your title shot at Money in the Bank?' he murmurs crestfallen, snapping his eyes open when Dean's hands leave his body, anger marring the other's handsome features. His earlier confusion dissipates, laying bare the raw, unguarded part of Dean. The one he only shows two people. 'You dipshit. This isn't about our job. It's– have you even listened to a single word I said?'

Yes. Dean is done with him because he loves him too much and it's making him sick. Seth doesn't want to harm him even further, so he'll retreat. Maybe one day Dean will be ready for everything.

'After all the crap you've put me through, you think I'd let you run off again? Making my worst nightmare come true before you can hurt me by doing it yourself? I've done a lot of stupid stuff, but I'm not that dumb. I just need you to let me be free. I'll come to you when I'm ready. You gotta trust me on this, Seth. I'm not giving up. I never did. You're the one taking off when it gets too hard, remember?'

No need to rip open old wounds that don't heal, no matter how well Seth tends to them. 'You said I should let you go.' Dean groans and rolls his eyes, screaming helplessly, 'This, _we_ , it's completely unknown territory. You mean the world to me and I'm so horribly afraid of tainting you, of losing you. I don't know where I end and you start. It's scaring the shit out of me.'

But Seth is as insecure as Dean, can't he see that? His biggest fear is that Dean will one day leave him the way he did. He wouldn't survive without the other anymore; his heart and soul already beat in unison with his brother's.

'I don't have all the answers either, Dean. I only know we're in this together.' 'Course we are. I'm with you till the end of the line, you wannabe Bucky,' Dean assures him, grinning weakly while nuzzling the mask, pressing their bodies together. Seriously, they even think alike. They're a match made in heaven.

'Don't worry, you're doing a fantastic job as boyfriend so far.' Definitely better than Seth ever could. Dean has so much to offer, so much love to give. It might be frightening but it's good. He's the most loving, caring, passionate and protective partner Seth ever had the fortune to call his.

'Sorry to interrupt your seven minutes in heaven, boys,' Taker suddenly butts in, making Seth flinch. Dean couldn't care less, just keeps on rubbing his nose against Seth's neck, grunting to signal the man he heard him. 'I have a strict no sex in the gym rule. You can have your room upstairs, I'm sure you still know the way.'

And with that the older man is gone, one of his huge dogs staying behind to watch them curiously. 'Did you bring Kevin?' Dean mutters and Seth yanks the mask down to free his lips. Just in case there'll be some kissing. 'Am I crazy? He'd get eaten by that hound over there.'

Dean chuckles, the life and fire in his eyes returning. 'Like master, like man.' He joins in his brother's boisterous laughter and entwines his hands with Dean's, feeling at least ten pounds lighter. 'Don't ever shock me like you just did. I thought you wanted to dump me.'

'You'd definitely deserve it, but like I said. You're hard to ignore and a huge pain in the ass, yet life'd be pretty boring otherwise.' Not exactly his words but Seth's fine with that. As long as Dean is willing to spend his time with him, he won't complain. 'I'm addicted to you.' Same here.

He never meant to say the following in a moment like this; it slips out of his mouth unforbidden but as soon as it's out in the open he realizes he doesn't even want to take it back. It sounds right to him. Since it's honesty hour anyway and he's been wanting to ask for quite some time. Anniversary of his treason quarrels or not, Dean's the right one.

As a matter of fact, he intended to do this the classy, romantic way. Mostly because his brother always claims it's too cheesy only to come home with a puppy, partner wristbands or another thoughtful gift. Seth can't imagine a better instant; not when the afternoon sun is giving Dean this ethereal appearance by reflecting itself in the countless beads of sweat covering his skin or with the whole truth finally being revealed.

It's only fitting that he wears Dean's most valued possession around his neck when he pops the question. 'Marry me.'


	9. thought i could take it but i am unable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _'How does an episode feel like?' Huh. No one ever asked him that. He thought it was quite obvious, with the struggling for air and bawling his eyes out, barfing all over the place. Fun times._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since today is my 30th birthday (shhhh ;_;) I thought I could surprise you all with a double update. Love you all!
> 
> **Trigger warning: panic attacks**

**June 2nd 2015  
03:12 pm**

'Marry me.'

He rubs over his ears, hoping, praying, he didn't just hear that. That fucking idiot dares to propose to him on _this_ day? After Dean just scared him to death by making him think he'd drop him. Which sounds like a great idea right now.

Giving in to the panic attack that's undoubtedly about to happen – he can already feel the telltale signs of a big one coming; the only question is _when_ –, calling for the Undertaker to save him or siccing that hell hound at the door on Seth to watch him get ripped to shreds are also very tempting options.

Just these dogs could never hurt anyone, after all their names aren't Seth Rollins, and Dean can't remember a time he saw them look remotely menacing. Even Kevin barks more and he's just an adorable ankle-biter. And always running to Taker for help isn't exactly Dean's style.

He only came here today because he didn't want to be around Roman. They've spend this day together last year and it ended horribly. Worst night of his life. And he's had so many shitty ones already. Dean really believed that with Seth and Ro by his side, nothing could ever break him again.

That one of them would stab him in the back and his heart alike seemed impossible. For the first time ever he only saw the good in people. Life kicking him painfully in the jewels at its finest.

Ro understood that he needed his time out from him, them, and let him fly off without a word or making a big deal out of it. It might seem whimsical to leave his brother alone like this but he feared he'd commit the same sin as Seth if he had stayed.

The wish to save this dumbo from his utter loneliness is so big that Dean has to fight it day and night. That Roman said one of them will have to do it in the near future not only made him mad as hell, it also showed him that he can't escape Seth. No matter where he goes, what he does, everything always revolves around that two-toned – well, not so much anymore; serves him right – pudding head.

Dean never wanted to merge with another person, but it just happened with Seth and now he has trouble keeping him at arm's length. There is no Dean Ambrose in his head anymore; only Rollins here, Rollins there and it's driving him insane. Not the good kind.

Every thought he has is directly linked to the other and he has enough stupid voices in his head, he really doesn't need _that_ in there too. Evil's already on his left, good on his right; telling him to hate, telling him to smile.

Seth is here, of course he fucking is, he never leaves him alone, following him like the lovesick ghost of a person Dean can't have. One that left him exactly one year ago by breaking him in half with a steel chair, selling that damn thing with a proud smile and a cocky tweet in an auction.

Dean will never be able to forget Roman's words from that night. _Trust is dead to me._ For the longest time, Dean thought so too. Sometimes he looked at his best friend and asked himself when the other shoe would drop. After Seth – the glue that bound them together, the person Dean insisted on having in The Shield because he saw his potential, his in-ring ability, his cleverness and knew instantly that he'd be their brain and high-flyer – left, Dean was sure the meager rest of his family would fall apart too.

Life has always been like that for him. He finds himself some happiness and it slips through his fingers. He's never been able to get it back, to prevent the inevitable. Scumbags like him are meant to be alone. Because everything he touches turns to shit.

All he was ever good for was tainting people, ruining them, leaving them wounded and half-dead in a ditch. Until he met Seth all these years ago. He was so bright and vibrant that Dean dared to doubt he could steal that light, that he was so powerful to ruin a creature this _pure_.

Whenever they stepped in the ring, every time he pulled another prank on Seth, he tried to persuade himself that maybe one day he could call a tiny fraction of that purity his. He knew that if he stayed around, Seth would fly too close to the sun and burn his wings because Dean is destructive. It's in his nature. Yet he refused to let him go and be free.

Seth beat him over and over, miraculously remaining the light in the nothingness surrounding Dean. Until one year ago, when he left him high and dry in the match against the Wyatts. He looked up the ramp, confused and aching, and saw only himself. Darkness unavoidably falls. There can be no day without a night.

After forcefully keeping Seth, his only source of innocence, close, he had managed to ruin him. Had created a monster but refused to believe it. Now he wanted Seth to fight it, to realize he is Dean's everything, only to see him walk away for good.

And to watch him crawl back, covered in tears and the stench of _Dean_ all over him.

Seth still shines as bright as the sun, is as beautiful as the stars and as pure as a holy virgin. But all of that is buried deeply under a new Seth Rollins. One that is exactly like Dean. Dirty, broken, so full of himself, lonely as fuck, filled with rage and hatred and uncertainty. A life ruiner.

He can't even tell anyone how badly he wants the old Seth to free himself from the fetters of everything that is Dean and just go back to be the man he would never be able to hold a candle to; the guy he admired from afar when no one was looking but the enemy he wanted to dismantle when people caught him observing the other.

Breaking up with Seth sounds like a fail-safe way to ensure he'll lay bare all the good in him but Dean knows it's just an illusion. Dumping his brother would only benefit himself, because he's too scared, too insecure, too convinced he's not worthy enough at his very core.

He has already dragged his friend with him into the darkness where the other showed him they're cut from the same cloth. There's as much light in him as in Seth. He too has a pure, innocent part, one that dares to love and hold dear with all its might.

Dean touched Seth's heart and left his fingerprints on it. So did his friend. He might have marred the other's grace, but Seth made sure to give him an untainted piece of his own.

When his brother turned his back on him, Dean felt like he just died. A part of him was gone forever and nothing could fill the void inside his chest. Until his brother contacted him again, tried so vehemently to make Dean forgive him and confessed his love.

He sometimes still feels dead – mostly whenever Seth can't join them because he has to do some Authority stuff –, hates the world he has to live in most days cause it's not one he created and rules with his family but one his little brother build on his own, away from them.

He's jealous that Seth seems to be able to easily live on while he can't breathe without the other by his side. He can't think straight, can't enjoy anything. There's always this stale taste in his mouth and he's freezing even in the summer heat.

'Dean, talk to me.'

He has no idea how long he's been standing here, watching Seth's warm brown eyes. He can see the other's lips move some more, the words however elude him. There's a steady drum in his ears and the sound of his own blood rushing through his body is too loud.

It's happening. And he can't do anything to stop it anymore. Thinking about the past years only made it worse.

'Come on,' he can finally make out his brother's voice in the distance. 'Don't you want to tell me I'm nuts or _how dare you ask me that on a day like this_? Anything? Dean?' A hand waves around in front of his face, trying to get some kind of reaction from him.

And then there's the understanding, slightly shocked, 'Oh.'

Yeah, fucktard. _Oh._ Thanks for another violent panic attack. As if Dean needed that today. One year ago he barfed because his whole being couldn't handle Seth being gone. Right now, he feels like he needs to empty his stomach cause this asshole just asked him for his hand in marriage, completely honest and heartfelt, and the only words on his tongue are _yes, please don't leave, I need you, I can't live without you, I want to bind you to me forever, don't go, oh God, please don't ever go_.

Instead of letting that slip out, he pushes Seth away, trying to make it as far as he can, spilling the rest of his breakfast on the Undertaker's carpet. Damn, he wanted to reach the bathroom, but well, can't be helped anymore.

The man comes running – great, just what he needed; another person attending his mental breakdown, as if Seth bearing witness isn't horrible enough –, thankfully not in the least bothered by the puddle of vomit on the floor, inquiring, 'What have you done?'

His brother scrunches up his nose and tries not to stare at the undigested contents of his meal while answering defensively, 'I asked him to marry me.' There's a raised eyebrow and a short moment of silence before the Undertaker barks, 'Are you out of your mind?'

Thank God one of them is saying this. Dean would love to but he can't since all the air leaves his lungs and he's not able to get new one back in. Oh, how he hates this part because it makes him feel like he's going to die for sure.

'What? I love him and I mean it. If not today, when then? I'm not taking it back.' Moping, little Seth, always making so much sense. 'No one asks you to. I thought you were the smart one, son.' And then there's his protector, a father figure Dean can actually look up to.

He tries to keep it together as long as they're still squabbling – they're not supposed to see him like this, especially his boyfriend –, making his way hand over hand along the wall, willing his feet to move forward so he can get away from both of them and find a quiet place to have his anxiety attack.

'I _am_ the smart one,' Seth continues to defend his fuck-up, stepping closer to never leave him out of his sight. Seems like he won't be able to escape his friend. Fine. _A_ _t least try not to cry, Dean_.

'Then stop arguing with me and get him to your room. I'll be in the yard if you need me. And take off that damn mask. It's like you want him to lose it.' One must respect the Undertaker for refusing to sugarcoat matters. He doesn't even need an explanation, the man understands everything on his own, knows instinctively how much it hurts Dean to see this meaningful object around the turncoat's neck.

Seth makes another attempt to stand up to the man but now's not the right moment. If he wants to be there for his friend during his episode, he has to follow him upstairs. Dean is already on the second step, shaking hands gripping the rail with the last bits of strength he has left.

He doesn't think he'll make it to the room in time, his lungs already begging for new air, vision getting blurry. So much for no tears. Fuck, fuck, _fuck_.

'How many have you had because of me?' Seth mumbles, putting Dean's arm around his shoulder to help him hoist his body upstairs. Good question. Countless. Way more than he feels comfortable with.

'D-don' f-f-fla-flatter,' he starts but stops himself again, feeling that he has not enough energy left for a coherent sentence. Besides, Seth could see right through the lie. No point in wasting the little amount of air he still has in him.

'Dean, you're awfully pale. And so hot. Not sexually attractive, though you totally are, but like really warm,' his brother rambles and Dean would love to roll his eyes but they're starting to release the oceans of tears he was desperately trying to hold back and his knees buckle under the pressure – the two of them sagging down halfway up the stairs.

He really hates how weak an attack makes him, how he loses control over his body and mind alike. How he can just wait and try to breathe until it's all over because suppressing his emotions and thoughts only works until the next episode and then _everything_ breaks out of him at once.

'Is there anything I can do?' He shakes his head, clutching his chest as if that would help, squeezing his eyes shut to concentrate on respiring. Dean bites on his bottom lip but he can't do that for long. Not only since he did that earlier but thanks to the sobbing and wailing and the need to inhale being too much to handle.

He's awfully loud, his voice echoing painfully in his ears. The whole house is filled with his cries and he registers a dog joining him. For some reason it makes him smile; for a moment he doesn't feel as lonely and helpless as before anymore.

The worst thing about a panic attack is that he's completely alone in it. Dean is the only one having it, the one who has to deal with the little episodes that plague him for the rest of the day.

'Is it okay if I hold you?' Seth asks and Dean's first instinct is to decline the wish – he hates being touched in a moment like this – but then he realizes he needs some support and his brother has always been able to ground him. So he nods weakly, pressing his face against Seth's chest to smother his horribly noisy struggle to breathe while simultaneously crying his eyes out.

His friend pulls him in, running a hand through his hair in rhythmic motions, all the while pressing his lips against Dean's forehead to murmur meaningless things that he can't even hear. Dean only concentrates on his brother's voice, lets it wash over him in the hopes it'll be strong enough to fight the crippling panic turning him into a wheezing mess.

'I'm sorry,' Seth apologizes but Dean has no strength left to tell him he should stop being so dumb. It's not the question that gave him this attack. He knew Seth would pop it, since he's impatient as fuck and always eager to make the next step.

Dean is sure that one day, he'll ask him to adopt a kid. He'd bet all his money on it.

No, it's the _I want this dipshit so much, it's a mystery why I can't stop thinking about him; I did everything in my power to get free, promised myself till this day I'd be but everything in my mind still circles only around him_ that is directly linked to it. The neediness and love that urges him to turn into a Daniel Bryan rip-off.

Seth would then be trapped in the darkness forever and one day his light would surely fade away.

The thought alone is enough to make his heart stutter inside his ribcage, pumping more panic through his veins once it finds a stronger, elevated beat. His whole body is on fire and the tears flow with brute force. Fuck, he hasn't had such a bad one in ages.

'I would pretend to take it back for you but it's already out in the open.' Warm breath ghosts over his clammy skin, the tears running down his cheeks burning a trail into them like he's shedding acid. He's going to faint if he can't squeeze some air into his lungs. Wouldn't be the first time.

Dean doesn't want Seth to go back on it, too relieved that someone loves him to this extent, that Seth needs him just as much. He also doesn't want to answer this question in the near future. His friend is right though, it's been said and now he has to deal with that somehow – on top of all the other shit.

'Dean, come on, you have to inhale. Just once, I'll do it with you,' Seth begs, cupping his face in his hands to make him look his brother in the eyes. He demonstrates how to draw air in, scowling when Dean doesn't follow suit.

Firstly, Seth looks like they're practicing breathing exercises for pregnant ladies and secondly, if it'd be that easy, he'd already done it himself. His boyfriend is running out of ideas, so he smacks their mouths together while holding his nose, forcing Dean to gulp down reflexively.

He draws in a shaky breath, clinging to his brother's clothes with all his might, tearing the Glamour Kills shirt in the process. Not really a big loss. Once his lungs are allowed to do their regular work, his body relaxes a fraction, the tears still falling but not as intense anymore and his mouth no longer produces this high-pitched Banshee sound.

Seth wipes the salty water off his face, a tentative grin on his lips. 'I'm really sorry you have to go through all this but I have to admit, I kind of like it. You not shutting me out for once.' He would love to punch this idiot right now but his arms are too heavy and he'd rather concentrate on quieting down.

If he doesn't do it correctly, he'll only have another attack and he's not sure he would survive that.

'It means I struck a chord and,' Seth keeps on talking but Dean blends him out completely. He doesn't want to hear anything anymore. Actually, he only wishes to lie down and sleep, escape the reality of Seth wanting to marry him and Dean having trouble keeping up with his friend's fast pace.

Alright. He still has some kind of authority. It's his turn to answer and he can do that whenever he deems fit. He can say _no, fuck off_ or _what are you dreaming of at night_ or something along the lines of _not now, asshat_. Because it seriously makes no sense whatsoever.

They aren't even able to show anyone they're a couple. Not only because Seth is his nemesis at the moment. Did his brother even think this trough properly? Why is Dean always the grown up in this relationship? The person who points out all the flaws in Seth's plans. The party pooper.

For someone so clever, his friend really stopped listening to his head and instead– Great. Just fucking peachy. Another thing he adapted because he spent too much time with Dean. Seth is now listening only to his heart, which is why he slips up constantly and blurts out a motherfucking wedding proposal at the most inconvenient time ever. It's like they swapped brains or something.

The damage is done. Dean can't save Seth anymore, they're already in too deep. But he can harness the light that's still left. And God help him, he'll do it. Or he'll die trying.

'You good?' Seth's voice finally reaches his ears and brain again and Dean listens to his body, trying to assess if the worst is yet to come.

He's still tense, a few stray tears falling on Seth's torn shirt and he's tired as hell – mentally and physically – but it feels like it's safe to say he's over the hum– Completely out of the blue, a new, way stronger wave hits him and the whole process begins anew.

Seth doesn't understand why he starts breathing in little, aborted puffs since his lungs once more seem to stop functioning and sheds even more tears than before. Fuck, this is so embarrassing. He's almost thirty years old and a question every other person on this planet wants to hear knocks the wind out of him and brings him down to his knees.

What the fuck is wrong with him that he panics every time Seth wants to move their relationship to the next level?

'Whoa, what's going on?' What does it look like, dumbass? As if he wasn't just present during the first one. Dean sobs so loud that it actually hurts his insides and throat, but he still attempts to give his brother an answer. 'S-s-s–' That's all he gets out and he hopes Seth knows him good enough to realize he wanted to grit out _second episode_.

'Another one?' Yes, could they stop discussing that now? He's close to passing out or drown in his own tears and he needs Seth to be there for him. An anxiety disorder breaking out is usually a sign of change, of transition. It's perfectly normal that he's scared and it's also fine that he's a blubbering, shaking mess.

Better out, then in. That's what his shrink said and also what Dean tries to make himself believe. It's pretty hard though if the only thought he can really grasp is _I'm gonna die and Seth wants to tie the knot_.

'Dean,' his brother whispers into his ear, 'I don't know what to do.' Like Dean has a clue. All he knows is that he doesn't want to be alone in this anymore. He's done dealing with this shit on his own. 'J-jus-st ho-hold m-me.'

So his friend hugs him close and holds his cheeks, trying and failing to kiss away the torrent of tears, a few of them getting stuck in the other's beard. 'What are you afraid of?' Didn't he listen to everything Dean said earlier? How many times do they have to go over this?

Oh, now he gets it. Smart idea. Maybe it'll work. So talking it is. Even if he has no breath left for it and his infant-like wailing keeps cutting him off. But Dean won't give up until he has muttered a weak, 'L-lo-sing y-ya.' Concentrating on forming sentences does make it easier to accept the crippling fear eating him alive, so he keeps on doing it.

Speaking is hella difficult, his violent sobs interrupting every syllable but soon he's able to stutter, 'You. Run-ning. Away. This. B-being. A. Dream.' One word after another is so much easier than trying to squeeze everything out in one go. He should've thought of that sooner.

Seth brushes his lips over his forehead, promising overly confident, 'I'll be here forever.' No. Dean only vowed to never leave, to not betray him and he's certain he can fulfill that. But there's always a chance that Seth will stop loving him one day. He has no clue what made him fall for someone like Dean in the first place, yet it happened and now he's so terribly afraid that someone might take it away from him.

Seth is his heart – without him he's completely lost and that'll never change again. He's opened up, let the other in, made himself vulnerable and there's _no way_ he'll ever be able to go on without his brother. Seth has left his very own scar on him, has buried himself deep inside of him and Dean craves that every day of his life. Without it he's nothing.

'You. Are. My. S-soul.' 'I'm your affianced,' his brother grins and Dean would like nothing more than to sink his teeth in the other's throat and bite out a chunk of flesh for that stupid comment. 'If it makes you feel better, I'm not able to go on without you either. You won't run off, I know that. But now you have to forgive me for my mistakes last year and trust me when I say I'm not letting you go.'

Easier said than done. 'I want to wake up next to you for the rest of my life. You're all I need, all that I live for.'

As by a wonder, breathing isn't that impossible anymore. He continues to wheeze shiftlessly, but he can feel his body shutting down after producing too much dread and terror. There won't be a third attack lurking just around the corner, blindsiding him. Seth somehow managed to calm him.

'How could this happen?' he is able to ask without taking tiny breaks, the tears wetting the collar of his shirt no longer burning his skin. 'Because we belong together. Like the sun and the moon, good and evil, noise and silence. We're two sides of the same coin.'

Seth's voice is even, no hint of mockery in it. He means every word he said, is a thousand percent sure of them being chosen by fate to spend their lives together. It's all Dean needs to let go of his fear for tonight and just collapse in his brother's arms. He's been fighting long enough; now he's allowed to rest.

'Soulmates,' he murmurs, remembering his friend calling them that. 'Meant to be,' Seth concurs, so awfully proud of them.

He's able to conjure up a smile that's neither exhausted nor too weak to be seen. 'You're a beautiful nightmare,' he says, closing his eyes in the hopes it might stop his crying. It doesn't. But that's okay. If it needs to be let out, then so be it.

'Hey Dean?' 'Hm?' he mumbles, eyes drooping shut, snuggling closer to Seth to not fall down the stairs. He's ready to sleep for at least a million years. Wake him up when the dinosaurs are back. He can feel his brother running a hand through his hair, playing around with it and a new, pleasant sensation runs through his body, replacing the weird stiffness the panic attack plagued him with.

'How does an episode feel like?' Huh. No one ever asked him that. He thought it was quite obvious, with the struggling for air and bawling his eyes out, barfing all over the place. Fun times.

Still he doesn't give a snarky reply. He's too tired to be sarcastic. 'I compare them to earthquakes. Sometimes there are certain signs that herald one. Feels like electricity running through your veins; the epicenter is your chest 'n each wave goes from head to toe.'

He rests his cheek on Seth's collarbone, breathing in their mixed scents. If he wouldn't smell some vomit too, it'd be a moment he'd love to file in his memory forever. Ah, what the hell, he's not as niminy-priminy as his brother, so he takes another whiff. Man, breathing is the most awesome thing ever.

'At this point there's a fifty-fifty chance it's just a tiny quake. One that only a few people feel but that doesn't make it into the history books.'

Against his will, Seth gently yanks him up, dragging him to the guest bedroom he once fainted in, due to the agonizing pain in his neck. All thanks to his brother. Why can't he have nice things in Taker's home?

He sags down on the mattress ungracefully, head hitting the pillow even though he's covered in vomit, snot, tears, blood and sweat – it's always a pleasure having an episode. But Dean is too tired to care. Seth surely won't allow him to stay in the sacred bed like this. Predictably, his friend takes off his shoes and shirt and comes back with a wet facecloth to clean him up.

Nurse Rollins, always there to make everything better. After getting Dean in this jam.

'A huge earthquake knocks the wind out of ya. Your heart races, ya lose control over your body 'n you stop breathing. Sometimes ya cry cause you need an outlet. Other times it jus' happens. Either way, it sucks.'

'Because you don't like crying in front of other people?' Seth queries, lying down beside him now that his work is done. Dean is too spent to snap his eyes open and glare at his brother for suggesting this. 'I don't mind that, idiot features. It's a perfectly normal, human reaction. I mind the unconquerable howling that sucks the last bits of remaining air out of you.'

He's not a control freak like Seth, but he'd at least appreciate to decide what his body goes through and what not. He can't domineer anything and he doesn't even wish to – life happens, no matter if Dean wants it or not, so that'd simply be a waste of energy – but he'd like to be the commander of his own thoughts.

'And now it's over?' The hand in his hair is back, tucking it behind his ear to wait until it frees itself only to repeat the motion. There's no false hope in the question and Dean is grateful for that. Seth is genuinely interested, eager to be prepared for the next time.

Dean wishes there wouldn't be one. But it's a pipe dream.

'No,' he moans, forcing himself to stay with Seth until he has answered all his questions. He needs to sleep, yet he doesn't want to ever have this conversation again. 'Earthquakes have aftershocks too. The electricity thing again. Specially right before I doze off. Makes me jerk outta my peaceful almost-slumber. Heartbeat picks up too. Might have seen that phenomenon already.'

Though he surely never associated it with a panic attack. Mostly because Dean played it down by saying he had a nightmare, heard something outside or he has to piss very badly before he'll wet the bed. He mastered the art of lying and deceiving to hide this specific mental affliction from everyone. Seems like those days are officially over – now that he's shown his family that he suffers from this.

'Does it ever stop?' 'Dunno,' he yawns. So far, he's had panic attacks ever since they first started in his childhood. Look at him, still not able to do something about them. He's swallowed pills a whole lifetime ago but he doesn't want to depend on them forever.

Seth moves closer, embracing him in his arms once more. 'Thank you.' 'For what?' Breaking down right in front of him? Successfully evading to give him an answer to his moronic marriage proposal? Proving he's completely fucked without Seth by his side?

'For trusting me enough to help you through it.' Dean almost retorts _you're welcome_ but he knows how hard it is for people to just watch their loved ones suffer without being able to help. So he whispers back, 'Thank you for being here with me.'

He's always hated people witnessing his episodes, because he abhors how they look at him afterwards. As if he's a ticking time bomb that could go off at any second or about to grab a razor blade and slash his wrists. Like he's a shattered being that needs sympathy and a good hug but _God help me, someone else please touch him in case it's contagious_.

Roman never looks at him like that, which is one of the countless reasons he loves this man so much. And today proved that Seth doesn't either. All he could see in those brown eyes was the wish to help because he aches whenever Dean does.

'They scare me,' his brother admits, entwining their fingers to give himself the anchor he needs after being compelled to watch Dean have a hard time. 'I never know what to do. I feel so useless.' That's how everyone feels, himself included.

'You did everything right,' he assures him, adding quietly, 'Not much one can do.' He's ready to fall asleep, has willed himself to stay awake for too long now. His body demands rest, screams for it, so Dean gives in. He's said everything he needed to and now it's time to retreat into dreamland.

He can still hear Seth's voice but it's already far away, like it's coming out of a crackling radio. The other's voice is so soothing that Dean decides to let it lull him into sleep instead of concentrating on the words being spoken.

'Dean? You can't run from this. Sooner or later you have to give me an answer.' Then nothing for a few seconds or hours, he can't tell. 'Can I keep your mask?' Sure. It's in good hands. But Dean wants it back one day. It's the only thing he still has left from The Shield. The one object that is directly tied to _all_ his good memories. The only ones he has.

'I'm going to hold on to it for you. Sleep now. I'll still be here in the morning.' And then there's only darkness surrounding him, this time though he doesn't feel lost in it.

When he wakes up, it's still not dawn and Seth is lying next to him, mouth open, light snoring sounds escaping it and his hair is all over the place. Dean looks at the broken blond patch, nuzzling it before grazing it with his lips, thinking about the times it was still going strong.

Back in FCW Seth wore it a bit differently, a few thin, blond strands combed into the brown patch. He looked breathtaking. Sure, Dean always made fun of it, but secretly he thought Seth was stunningly handsome. It pissed him off because he couldn't stop looking at the other, wanted to possess and claim him.

He gets up, scribbling down a note for his brother and taking it with him downstairs. Dean has no idea why he does that but as soon as Taker greets him he understands. 'Come whenever you need some wind-down time,' the man suggests and he nods thankful. He'll totally do that.

'What should I do with him once he wakes up?' He smirks, replying gleefully, 'Surprise me.' Before he leaves, he wants to clean up the mess he made yesterday but it's already gone and he didn't even hear a complaint. This man truly is the father figure Dean always longed for.

The Undertaker walks him to the door, opening it to let in already hot air. 'I suppose you won't say yes, but instead intend to ask him yourself. Get even.' Probably. He hasn't decided anything yet, needs some space to think about everything.

Without Seth being there, since he can't concentrate on anything with his friend distracting him.

'This is so fucked up,' he shakes his head, looking at the rental car his baby brother bought to drive here. How on earth does he keep finding him? Did he inject Dean a tracking device or what? Knowing Seth it's something along those lines. 'I got no clue how he thinks it'll work out. We can't just walk into a Vegas chapel and get married. Not now, not ever.'

The man looks at the red sky, giving Dean the privacy he needs. 'Do you have to?' 'That's the whole purpose of proposing,' he shoots back, doubt making him turn it into an insecure question.

Taker hums thoughtfully, a small smile on his lips. 'It's the idea of sharing your life, your everything with the person you love. You don't have to be married for that but I think calling you his fiancé and husband would give him a sense of security. You too.'

He sighs, handing his older friend the note for Seth. It says _Don't talk to me till MITB. Don't talk to Ro & ask about me. Don't text, don't call. The next two weeks we're enemies. Anything goes, nothing will be held against the other. No matter what happens in Ohio, who will win or lose, I'll be at home the week after. Alone. Find me if you really mean it._

'Give him this when you're done scaring him,' he jokes, stepping out the door. 'Sure thing. Tell my brother to stop being someone's bitch.'

Dean chuckles, turning around to face the man once more. 'Tell that mine.'

Three hours later he gets a text. How foreseeable; Seth will never change. Though Dean doesn't even want him to. This ninja dolt is perfect the way he is.

_Did you allow him to put me in a casket, lock it and make me believe that earth is dropping down on it, burying me alive? Waking up to that is NOT funny. You guys are not funny. This isn't funny._

Reading the message and his brother's reaction, it totally is.

_With that being said, poop chute, I'll see you Thursday on Smackdown and in two weeks at home.  
It's a date. Take care. S_

Of course he wouldn't be able to simply live with the radio silence without having the last word. Maybe Dean has to accept that Seth might be an alpha male too. He's definitely as stubborn and headstrong as one.


	10. i'm sorry for the demon i've become

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _'I said anything goes and nothing will be held against each other. I keep my promises. No hard feelings, Biebs.' Dean Freaking Ambrose. His greatest ally and bitterest foe._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something light after the last chapter =)

**Tuesday, June 16th 2015  
11:31 am**

When Dean said, he'd be at home waiting for him, Seth immediately booked a flight to Vegas, ruling out Cincinnati since his brother has no residence there. Though it would have been way more convenient, with Money In The Bank and RAW taking place in Ohio.

What he didn't expect was turning around the key of his own house in Davenport because his boyfriend – maybe soon-to-be fiancé; the hope never dies and Seth came to prove he really means it – went here. Makes sense, because it's closer than Nevada but that's not why Dean chose this place.

Home is where the heart is. As cheesy as it may be, seems like it's true. And the thought alone is making Seth forget the hell he's been through to get here. Not here, as in his own sunlit and clean house, but here, with Dean. And Roman to a certain degree.

He still can't believe that both Rome and Kane failed to climb that ladder and retrieve the briefcase. Sheamus is not really someone he had on his radar when he thought of people he'd like to defend his title against. But now he wants the man to try and cash in, so he can kick his ass for ever ripping the US Title out of Dean's hands.

Seth is sure though that he as well as Dean will watch with great pleasure how their big brother shows Wyatt to never mess with the Big Dog and his little daughter. This is their yard and they will run it until the day they die. Besides, no one gets to threaten Jojo.

A strong wave of guilt and shame crashes over him as soon as he walks into the huge living room area and sees Dean sleeping on the white couch, an ice pack wrapped tightly around his bruised knee. The very part of his body Seth attacked relentlessly two days ago to prevent Dean from grabbing his championship.

He hurt his brother to get what he wanted and even though he got as good as he gave, Dean was the one losing it all on Sunday. Because his grip on the belt wasn't strong enough and it slipped through his fingers when they landed on the canvas.

One tiny second decided over win and loss.

Don't get him wrong, he _is_ relieved he has his belt back by winning it fair and square but deep down he knows that Dean is every bit as good as him. They had an even battle and his brother showed so much heart that it surprised Seth – and he knows this man better than anyone else in the entire world.

In the end, it wasn't talent that ended the battle. It was luck. And that's the problem Seth has with this match because luck has never been on Dean's side even though he deserves it more than anyone else. So he really hopes his boyfriend will keep coming after him and his title until he can call it rightfully his. Seth will do everything in his power to maintain the belt until then because he wants to be the one Dean takes it from.

He thinks they're done for the time being, now that Seth won all by himself. Hunter told him to show them all, but he couldn't have cared less. It weren't those words that spurred him on. It was the wish Rome had – _be the real you when you face him_ – and he finally did that.

Before the two of them drove off to their motel, his big brother hugged him in the moonlight, telling him how proud he is; thanking him for giving Dean a real chance. 'You're indeed the future. But we're right behind you.'

Seth wouldn't have it any other way.

He walks backwards out of the area again, tip-toeing to not wake his friend from his peaceful slumber, climbing up the stairs to unpack his suitcase and hop under the shower. The past two weeks have been wearing him down. Not only because he woke up in a freaking wooden box with no Dean around and got humiliated over and over by his brother in front of the whole world.

The forced silence was what almost killed him. It drove him up the walls because he wasn't even allowed to talk to Roman. This time he gave his brother the space he needed, even though it was so unbelievably hard. Every night he caught himself typing a message only to delete it again.

He felt like the destruction of The Shield had just happened and his brothers wouldn't speak to him, thinking he had stabbed them in the back on purpose, wanting to cut him out of their lives forever. Seth knew it wasn't like that – Dean just needed to think without him being there distracting him – but his mind told him this in his darkest hours.

Dean has already been in his private bathroom, his stuff is scattered all over the place and Seth sighs with a small smile on his lips, cleaning up after his brother. Some things will never change. At least he didn't leave a chaos in the kitchen; that's Seth's holy place.

After making sure there's a nice path in between his friend's pile of clothes on the floor he steps into the shower, letting the warm spray of water wash away all his guilt and doubt. There's enough time to deal with that once Dean wakes up and they'll have a grown-up talk.

He's more nervous than on Sunday night because Dean's answer means so much more to him than the World Heavyweight Championship and he's terribly afraid it's a _no_. Sure, his boyfriend loves him, has made that pretty clear, but that doesn't warrant a positive outcome.

It wouldn't be the end of their relationship but it'd be a setback Seth couldn't handle. He knows he's getting overly clingy and that he's pushing Dean into an emotional corner but he recently felt like he was losing him – which is ridiculous – and he couldn't let that happen.

He knows he rushed things with proposing yet he's perfectly fine with the question finally being asked. That Dean had a panic attack – or two, to be more precise – and fled right afterwards to forbid him to talk to his family was something he should have seen coming. He didn't. However, he's not angry that it happened.

Dean's first instinct will always be to shut him out because it's something he's done his entire life. It's some kind of defense technique he has perfected over the years. A way to ensure no one can hurt him any more. That his brother allowed him be there during his anxiety attack felt like some kind of reward; he's earned the right to be trusted again.

And his friend didn't just leave him without a word, like he might have done a year ago. They're getting somewhere, moving forward in their own pace. Seth runs ahead and Dean slows them down, brings him back to earth again. The carelessness of youth meeting the experience of an old soul that has suffered way too much already.

He won't pester his boyfriend with giving him an answer right after he'll wake up, but he came here so they could talk. Not even Rome knew what Dean wanted to chat about and Seth believes him. His big brother wouldn't lie about something so important.

Needless to say, the suspense is killing him.

Seth is so engrossed with rubbing Dean's shower gel all over himself that he doesn't hear someone step into the tub with him, making him flinch and scream when a strong hand gives him a smack on the butt. He swears, he didn't mean to kick Dean in the jewels, it's purely the only reaction his body is able to do – with his brain telling him he's in mortal danger and trapped in the bathroom with a pervy stranger.

His brother bites on his bottom lip and sits down on the edge of the tub, fingers clenched into fists so he won't retaliate by ripping Seth's dick off.

'Motherf– the fuck's wrong with ya?' Dean croaks out, holding his hurting member while throwing a death glare at Seth. 'Oh my God, I'm so sorry. You should have said something,' he tries to defend himself, ignoring the scowl on his brother's face.

'What kinda surprise is it if I tell ya what Imma do?' Yeah, now that he points it out. Whoops?

'Why did you come in here?' he deflects, blame and shame crawling back into his system as he watches his brother writhe in pain once more. As if the swollen knee staring right at him wouldn't be bad enough. 'I was thinking shower sex, since you bought yourself that dual locking suction handle. Now I gotta hold myself back to not throttle you with your own intestines.'

That's very considerate.

'We can still have the sex, it's been over two weeks.' Predictably, he gets a frown for that and he's already opening his mouth to change the topic but then Dean grins. 'You do the work, you just killed my dick. Besides, I can't lift you up since you also fucked up my leg, buddy.'

He'll do whatever it takes. Who the hell says no to shower sex? 'Let me get the rubber bath mat, I don't wanna slip and injure myself,' he mutters, listening to Dean complain, 'Yeah, cause not harming me isn't one of your concerns.'

Seth snickers, bending down to dry the tub, so the mat will stick to the smooth surface. He could never explain to anyone how both he and Dean hurt themselves in the same shower if he falls in the wrong moment. Before he gets up to dash into the bedroom and get some silicone-based lubricant he gives Dean a kiss on the cheek.

Hurting his boyfriend is the last thing he ever wants. Weird that he continues doing so.

'You done preparing everything like a boy scout?' Dean inquires once he's back, leaving a trail of wet footprints all over the floor and jumping over Kevin who decided to lie down in front of the bathroom, looking at Dean sitting on the tub with his huge Bambi eyes as if to beg to be let in and have fun too.

For a moment Seth considers closing the door but he doesn't have the heart to do so. If Kevin won't like what he sees and hears, he can still go back to the bedroom. The dog has been with him for four months now and he's probably already emotionally scarred.

If he isn't, Seth will make good for that now.

'Stand up, loser and grab the thing,' he chuckles, ducking under Dean's hand that wanted to whack him on the head, turning the water on once more and closes his eyes to just feel it soaking him while his brother is standing right in front of him, trying to take as much pressure off his knee as possible.

'Are you comfortable?' he asks after a while, resting his forehead on his brother's left shoulder blade while his hands play around with Dean's six-pack. 'No, but it won't get better than this. Make it quick.'

'Jeez, don't be so romantic,' he grumbles, though he doesn't really mean it like that. Seth knows Dean is only doing this for him, because shower sex is his fantasy – hence all the little applications to make it easier and safer. And the fact that he's doing it with a bruised knee and all the other little marks and wounds all over his body from their match at Money In The Bank is only making Seth fall more in love with his friend.

'Just fuck me already,' Dean groans, though Seth can hear the smirk he's undoubtedly wearing right now. He'd really like to do that but for once in his life, Seth would rather take it slow. Yet he knows his brother can't only stand on his right leg all the time. Not with someone pounding into him.

'As you wish,' he mutters distractedly, accidentally pouring enough lube on his hands to cover both their cocks with it, but hey, at least it sashays better this way. He eases himself into his friend, stopping to move altogether when Dean tenses, breathing deeply to deal with the pain in his left limb.

'I've missed you.' Not really what he wanted to say, but it's the only thing coming out of his mouth as soon as he starts moving and his brother rolls his hips. 'You better,' comes the cocky reply and Seth watches fascinated how drops of water fall from the tips of Dean's hair and glide down his boyfriend's back while a hand on the tiles tries to steady them.

Seth can't restrain himself, he has to reach around his boyfriend's waist to start jerking him off, taking as much pleasure in boning him as in getting Dean off. He should have known that his brother's intact knee would give out the moment he comes, but for some reason his brain is too preoccupied with the alluring sounds that escape Dean's sinful lips and so they almost tumble down – Seth preventing the worst at the very last moment.

'Sorry,' he mumbles into his friend's dripping wet hair, chuckling, 'Not my fault you're so hot no matter what you do.' Dean says something – and it's most likely sarcastic yet endearing – but Seth can't hear it; with the slightly colder getting water running over his head and the whole shooting his load into Dean without a condom hindering it from filling his boyfriend from the inside.

He keeps his brother in place after pulling out, cocking his head to watch every last drop run down those yummy legs. 'Enjoy the view, asshat?' He can only nod satisfied though his brother doesn't even see it, wishing to be able to freeze time, prolonging this moment for as long as possible.

At some point they have to clean their mess up, but at least Dean lets Seth soap him thoroughly and he takes extra long to wash his friend's hair, slicking it back, making a Mohawk out of it, massaging tiny circles into Dean's scalp with a content smile on his face.

Dean has his eyes closed, cheek resting against Seth's pelvis and he's not sure if his brother is even still awake. While his boyfriend is out – one way or another – he continues to shower them, all the while staring at the swollen knee. Now that the post-coital bliss is gone, he feels awful again for doing this to his flesh and blood.

It's not like Dean didn't dish out but Seth almost took his leg off with the help of a ladder and a chair. The thing really haunting him though is the face his brother made at the end of the Pay-Per-View. Hopefully, he'll never have to see that ever again. Dean looked so heartbroken and goddamn _tired_ that Seth wanted to run down the ramp and hug him in front of everyone, reassure him that one day he _will_ be the champion but that right now Seth is the measure of all things.

Like he said, it isn't arrogance if he can back it up.

He's at the top of his game and he did it without any help. Seth already is the man Hunter wanted to mold him into. If things go as planned, he'll be able to distance himself from the Authority in the future – not just to be a champion _he_ can be proud of too but also to get his family back.

'Dean?' he asks once he's done with everything, toweling them down while his friend's eyes snap open again; even if Seth can see disappointment and exhaustion in them. Both is not linked to him, but he still feels like he needs to do something to cheer his brother up.

'What did you say to Rome when he called you a whack job in that interview with Tom?' Without further ado Dean deadpans, 'Do that one more time and I'll piss in every beer you'll drink from now on. You two know how much I hate that.'

He does but he kind of thought Roman had the BFF bonus. 'I get he didn't mean it but I'm done with that bullcrap. He got what he deserved.' Which probably means they've had a brawl, destroying yet another motel room until they made up and laughed about it for the rest of the night.

Seth wouldn't get away so easily. Being a boyfriend also has its disadvantages. 'What would you have said if I had done it?' Dean scoffs, stifling a yawn while putting on some underwear, getting ready to resume his earlier nap. 'You've done way worse already and I'm still here.'

Obviously, but he needs to know what his sentence would have been for calling Dean a nut job on television without asking him beforehand if it's okay. 'Tell me,' he begs, slipping into leggings and a tank, following his brother into the bedroom where Kevin is dozing in front of the bed since he can't jump on it.

His friend flops down on the mattress, mumbling into the pillows, 'I'd prolly've threatened ya to piss in your shampoo or put Nair into it till we're old 'n wrinkly.' He doesn't care about the gross, rash action his brother would have taken and instead concentrates on the one thing that makes his chest swell with pride and love.

He said old and wrinkly, which is not a definite _yes, I will marry you_ but it's close. Seriously, sleepy Dean is so honest that Seth wants to keep him in this state forever.

'What's your next move?' he mutters, helping Kevin up the bed before lying down next to Dean, who's a second away from going out like a light. 'Dunno, we had a clean finish,' comes the deep rumble, followed by a hearty yawn. 'Made a man outta ya.'

That he did. Though, to be fair, his mother was the one giving birth to him and evolution chose him to be a male being, so the credit doesn't only go to his family, but he'd rather burn his tongue right in his mouth before he interrupts his brother. Not while he could hear more lovely stuff Dean usually keeps locked inside.

'I want that title. 'n I want you. Le's make it up 's we go,' his friend slurs due to his drowsiness, the words coming out of his mouth slower and slower. It's actually really cute and Seth is fine with knowing that Dean wants to keep on supporting him in any way he can.

''Sides, Brock's gonna kill ya. Should buy a condo nex'ta Ro. Suplex City. Need a front row seat fo' that. Can't miss it.' Okay, now is time for his boyfriend to sleep. Seth so didn't need to hear that. He'd hoped Hunter would give Dean another chance since their matches always tear the whole place down but of course he got punished with the Beast Incarnate.

The Authority is turning against him which is maybe the best thing that's happened to Seth since Dean and Roman, because it means the way to a reunion with his family isn't as unreachable anymore as it was before. His brother gave Seth what he craves the most – him – so it's his turn now to make sure Dean gets what his heart desires: The Shield.

Eyes on the prize.

First he has to stand his ground against Lesnar though. It'll be fun playing the scared, snotty champion until Battleground, but God help him, he'll put up a fight. If he didn't lose his belt to Dean, he surely won't want to let Brock take it away from him.

That three-hundred pound gorilla doesn't deserve this chance, is only in the title picture because Seth pissed off the one power couple he officially shouldn't have angered. The guy was bound to return sooner or later. Seth just wishes he could have worked some more with Dean in front of the camera.

He hates it when he can't control what's happening to his brother and is only reduced to watch helplessly.

'Seth?' comes the tired mumble and he hums gently to not disturb the slumber Dean will fall into once he's said what's on his mind. ''m not ready for it yet.'

There is his answer. And it's as honest as it can be. He nods, a smile dancing over his face because his friend didn't lie to him. Nor did he crush his hopes with a _no_. Everything is happening too fast for Dean – who is a creature of habit, which is so odd since he's as wild and unpredictable as a black hole – and he needs to take it slow until he psyched himself up.

As long as he won't get dumped, Seth doesn't mind. They've already come so far, he thinks he can wait a bit longer for Dean to leave his shell once and for all.

'But you're mine. Ya belong t'me.' Yessir.

* * *

'I'm so sorry,' he says for the umpteenth time, finally ticking Dean off enough to explode. 'Stop apologizing,' his boyfriend groans, rolling his eyes impatiently, making a show of getting up to leave Seth behind as some kind of punishment.

He gently but determinedly pushes his brother back down on the couch, so he can rub some more ointment on the swollen knee – how Dean could ignore the pain on Monday at RAW to dash after him and thankfully cut his self-adulation short is a mystery to him – before he bandages it meticulously.

His injury, his duty to take care of. Just like Dean already gave him a refreshing back massage for breaking a ladder with his body.

'I said anything goes and nothing will be held against each other. I keep my promises. No hard feelings, Biebs.' Dean Freaking Ambrose. His greatest ally and bitterest foe. 'Not even for dropping my Dirty Deeds finisher and adopting the Pedigree.'

What can he say? He's a daddy's boy. Just kidding. He did that to get on Hunter's good side. Didn't exactly work out the way he wanted since he still has to face Lesnar for his title, but this outcome – the constant alienation – is more desirable.

'Since I'm going to get squashed on July 19th, think until then we can have sex at every arena?' 'You want an entry in the Guinness Book?' Dean shoots back grumpily, but there's a smirk on his lips that Seth captures with his own. Just because he can. They should meet at home way more often. He wouldn't even mind Roman joining them. After all, he could play around with Kevin while they are at it.

Though their big brother will probably rather stay with his daughter until Bray doesn't drag her into their business anymore. Which means Dean has a lot of free time on his hands, so they can spend their days off here or in Vegas. Every time a door closes, a window is being opened, he reminds himself with a heavy heart. He hasn't seen Jojo in so long, he's afraid she stopped thinking of him as Uncle Seth because of what he did. She's still in the dark about his double life.

Seth shrugs, mirroring Dean's happy expression that falls off his face as soon as his friend says, 'Let's make a bet outta this.' Uh-oh. He's never won one against his brother. 'Enlighten me,' he prompts nonetheless, finishing his task and placing a tender peck on the bandaged knee before he makes sure to not touch it while lying down on top of his friend.

'I grant ya one quickie in each arena, whenever, wherever, however you want.' There's an _if_ coming and Seth has never loathed that word more than now. Dean's probably going to tell him that he has to find him first, since he's the master of hide-and-seek or to do a weird task like walking around naked backstage or stealing someone's title. As if they're playing truth or dare and Seth always gets the end of the stick.

' _If_ you can convince me each night anew you've earned it. Be smart, be funny, be a spoiled brat, a coward, a hero. Surprise me. I wanna see a certain glint in your eyes and if you can't gimme that, you lose.' So he has free reign, doesn't have to interact with Dean at all and the only thing he needs to do is have fun and entertain his boyfriend, be the little Shield brother Dean grew so fond of?

Believe him, he _can_ and he _will_ do that.

'It's on, Ambrose. Get the lube, bring the condoms cause at my funeral you won't be able to walk anymore.' A loud, surprised chuckle fills the air, bouncing off the huge walls surrounding them and Seth hugs his friend to not fall down thanks to Dean's whole body moving while he laughs amused.

'Bring it, baby.'


	11. everyone would love me if i could fool the world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _'Don't worry, pretty boy. You'll survive.' Great. He didn't encourage him with a_ you'll beat him _. 'Thanks for the vote of confidence,' he moans, hugging Dean close when the other wants to leave him behind after giving him a good luck kiss on the top of his head, not ready to let his friend, his beacon of hope go just yet._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this, only knowing the spoilers about a babyface Shield reunion at SS. Now though it looks like someone else takes Seth's place. Which makes me very mad. Mostly cause I thought WWE would help me finally finish this fic. Seems like you're stuck with me a bit longer =)

**July 17th, 2015  
06:18 pm**

'You still mad?' Dean asks him once they're done, as if they didn't just redecorate his hotel room by having intercourse on everything with a smooth surface, buckling his belt with the world's most gleeful smirk on his lips. 'Never before did you vent on twitter like that.'

Oh, he was wondering what his friend was talking about. 'You saw it?' he shoots back, averting his gaze because he fears he'll get a lecture now about breaking character and sounding butthurt as heck. But this isn't Roman talking to him and after a second of pondering over it, he's sure not even his big brother would mind his tiny outburst. This had to be said and since no one else had the guts to do it, Seth did.

Dean nods, slipping into a black wifebeater and getting up to search for his socks. 'Got a Google alert for you,' his boyfriend mumbles absentmindedly, letting out a victorious yell when he finds the left one on the fan at the ceiling.

Hold the horses, young man. Google alert. How does Dean even know that exists? 'You have that? For me?' he wants to know, taking the briefs Dean is holding out for him to put them on. He doesn't get fully dressed though and Seth seriously wishes his brother would stop with it too. He's seen the other's body in all its imperfect perfection almost every day for the past month and now that it's coming to an end, he starts to miss it already.

Dean shrugs, muttering a bit forlorn, 'Ro did it. Doesn't matter, answer my question.' It matters a lot. But he won't pry if his friend is trying to play it down. Seth knows better now than to coerce Dean into doing or feeling anything. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. That's what he realized while waiting impatiently for his lover to accept his proposal. And the countless apologies.

So he rolls his eyes and contains the delighted squeal that wants to escape whenever he thinks about how terrifyingly perceptive and loving Dean is and that _he_ managed to catch and keep him. 'Bunch of hypocrites,' he gripes, anger seething inside of him now that he got reminded of Brock Lesnar, his title match on Sunday and all these so-called fans who jump on every bandwagon out there.

'Some of them are,' his brother agrees, watching Seth with a curious glance. He expects more, knows there is a whole assembly of complaints and lots of justified whining that needs to be let out. And he's waiting for Seth to open up, to confide in him, so he does exactly that. Mostly to get it off his chest but also to show Dean that this is indeed a thing and that he too is allowed to do it. Not only Roman has a sympathetic ear for him.

'I'm a good champion. Fighting, defending, always there. Authority or not, I don't come back every leap year, injure a lot of people and valuables, can't do my own promos, send everyone to Suplex City and take off with a title that no one will see again until I deem it fit to fight over it. I wish he'd have stayed in MMA.'

Jeez, he feels so much better now. And at least ten pounds lighter. That Dean looks at him with these warm, endless blue eyes that hold nothing but affection and relief revives those butterflies in his stomach that are only reserved for this goober. 'That's the first time our Seth was shining trough,' his brother explains the happiness in his face, only to – typically – ruin it with a sarcastic but well-meant remark. Can't let the world think Dean Ambrose is a giant teddy bear in real life.

'And you only needed a whole year.' There's even some fake applause and Seth lets himself fall back, unfortunately forgetting his aching back and jerking back up when pain shoots through his body. God, they really took the cake with the belt whipping during the house shows. He's dead certain his skin will never heal again.

'I know I shouldn't but I _hate_ this guy. He's so not the one I want to lose my title to,' he admits, conveniently leaving out the part about him handing his precious baby over to his brother. Or his other brother. They're the only ones he'd accept a defeat against.

'Then don't,' is all his friend has to say, as if it's that easy. As if shouting at his reflection _You're not going to lose, assbutt_ for an hour will help him win at Battleground. He'd feel a lot better if he'd have The Shield in his corner. Too late now, that ship sailed a long time ago.

'You going to help me out?' Can't hurt to ask, right? He follows Dean lacing his boots with his gaze, too lazy and spent to move even a single muscle in his limbs, wincing slightly when his boyfriend laughs out loud and sardonically. 'You wish, princesa.'

It was worth a try. As much as he wants to take it slow, to give Dean all the time in the world he needs to bid farewell to Roman and join him on the dark side, he'll never stop with these little pinpricks, in the hopes of bothering his brother so much that he finally says _yes, okay? But God dammit Seth, leave me the fuck alone or I'll snap your neck, you wannabe giraffe_.

'I thought you wanted to prove that you’re better off on your own. Nah, baby, these times are over.' It’s meant to be a joke and they both do laugh but Seth's chest constricts nonetheless.

He faced Dean all alone because he knew that no matter how competitive they are, his brother would _never_ harm him. Brock though loves breaking people in half and even though Seth is ripped as heck, he's still a beanpole compared to that three hundred pound gorilla. And contrary to his brothers, he has no one who would metaphorically die for him. He alienated everyone – which was the plan, sure, but he starts to think he might have made a grave mistake doing that right before Battleground.

'Don't worry, pretty boy. You'll survive.' Great. He didn't encourage him with a _you'll beat him_. 'Thanks for the vote of confidence,' he moans, hugging Dean close when the other wants to leave him behind after giving him a good luck kiss on the top of his head, not ready to let his friend, his beacon of hope go just yet.

He hears his brother snicker and feels a protective hand rubbing over his bruised back before there's a reassuring whisper in his ear. 'You got this.'

* * *

**Battleground  
July 19th, 2015  
03:01 am**

'I made it,' is the first thing he screams joyfully – albeit a bit breathless – when he barges into their motel room, the title resting on his shoulder. He got so used to the extra weight on his body that he'd hate to lose it again. But he's not here to brag about his controversial victory. He's here to celebrate.

Dean looks up, not even remotely as excited as Seth. 'Holy shit, the missing champ. Congrats, you retained.' He's not the only one to take credit for that. 'Thanks to a very unlikely ally,' he reminds his brother, wanting to cheer him up, knowing that talking about his kind of surrogate father figure always lightens up the other's mood.

It works. Partially. 'I don't think he likes being called that. After all, he's on my side, not yours.' How could Seth ever forget that? After all the scares and dressing downs he got from the man and the very serious talk they had the day after he proposed to Dean, he'd never think even for a second that Taker would willingly join forces with him.

Which is why he suspects that his brother asked the man for a huge favor. And he's not really sure if he should be offended or happy about the Phenom's interference.

'Is this your doing? Did you ask him to help me because you knew that animal might be too much for me? Did you help me keep my title?' Which warms his heart, but he _did_ want to make it alone. If he'd beaten Brock Lesnar, the Beast Incarnate, the one behind blah blah, no one would doubt him anymore. Thing is though, he was close to losing. Horribly close. Too close.

Dean scoffs, shutting the bathroom door to give Roman some privacy. 'So we have to listen to you jabber about it on RAW? Do I seem that stupid to you?' He cocks his head and takes a step forward, putting his championship belt on the couch before cupping Dean's chin in his hands, urging him to meet Seth's gaze. 'Not stupid. Caring.'

He has the overwhelming urge to kiss his friend, to chase away the slightly broken look in the unusually dark eyes, but before he can do anything, Dean puts his game face back on and smiles lopsidedly. 'No one can give the Undertaker any orders.'

True. But there's always an exception to the rule, isn't there? He gets it, Dean is not in a particularly good mood but at least he's not about to slip into a dark spot either. By now he can thankfully differentiate those two. Took him a lot of hard work, but being present during several of his brother's panic attacks helped Seth understand these things better. 'You could,' he breathes against Dean's mouth, mirroring the half-hearted smile. 'He has a soft spot for you. _Son_.'

That someone calls him this, once again welcomed him into their little circle of family is enough to shatter Dean's mask. And to make him drop the act. Finally, his friend utters, 'Hate to break it to you, ninja dork. His idea, his revenge. You only got lucky. He brought Brock to _Tombstone City, Bitch_ to avenge his streak and his brother's broken ankle. Family business, no favor for good ol' me.'

Huh. Whatever. The man came to his aid when he needed it the most and even though he retained another time by cheating – even if he didn't even want to, just so that that's clear; for once, he's completely innocent – he's still the World Heavyweight Champion. The future continues to go strong.

'Never thought he'd help me,' he mumbles, letting go of Dean before he realizes what he's doing and presses himself against the other, almost tackling them to the ground. There's an amused chuckle and Dean steadies them – just like he always does –, murmuring teasingly, 'Actually, he only wanted to _not_ see Lesnar as new champ.'

'Don't ruin it,' he grumbles, hands sneaking under Dean's shirt to get rid of the piece of cloth separating him from his boyfriend's body. Which reminds him. 'And by the way, that's not even what I meant by _I made it_. We had sex in every arena,' he proudly announces, still not quite able to grasp that he managed to win his brother over each and every night.

Though he has to admit, fate was on his side, since on most shows he was lucky enough to work with Dean himself. It's always easier to be face to face with him than thinking about his friend being backstage, waiting for that one spark that ignites the fire.

'Well done you,' Dean snickers, letting Seth undress him. At least until he's about to take off his jeans. There's no annoyed _stop it_ or a disbelieving _you still not satisfied_ , but Seth knows that tonight there won't be any action. The fun really is over now. Hey, on the other hand that's the first bet he won. Although he has the suspicion that Dean deliberately didn't play hard to get like he usually does. Like he does right now.

Perhaps a little talking will help. Seth has no idea why he thinks that _that_ could make anything better – since his big mouth tends to get him into trouble –, yet he can't stop himself. 'Even at the house show in Boston. I never would have thought my belt hurts so much.'

'Don't complain. You started it, I only defended myself. Sorta.' They both grin, moving over to the bed to lie down and wait for Roman to come join them. Seth can't wait to be back together with his brothers but he does enjoy the time he can spend with Dean alone.

'Yeah,' he muses, 'we took the belt whipping to a whole new level. Kind of hot though. Very good foreplay, a bit rough but I can totally dig that.' Judging by the long, passionate kiss Dean practically ravages his mouth with, his brother thinks the same. They should have started to try out a few new kinks way sooner. So far they've experimented with handcuffs, belts, blindfolds, sex bets and most importantly the Shield mask. All really good assets in the bedroom.

The minutes tick by and Seth is content just lying there in his brother's arms, ready to pass out after making it through another match with Brock Lesnar, but there's still one thing bugging him. He needs an answer; something he can work with. This state of not knowing drives him up the wall.

'Hey Dean?' he breaks the silence, listening to the shower running in the other room. 'Hm?' his friend hums back, sounding as if he's about to fall asleep. Funny, he didn't have a physically draining match tonight. In fact, he didn't have one at all. To be fair though, he went through seven tables this week.

'How much longer do I have to watch you call Roman _baby_ and him stating you're the only family he has, the only one he likes and trusts? I mean, I know he can't say _Seth is still my homie_ but what about his cousins? I don't think Jimmy and Jey or Tamina were very happy about that.'

There's no answer. Either Dean has none or he doesn't think the question warrants an explanation. He's not sleeping, since Seth can hear him breathe deeply but uneven. It's most likely Seth's fault. He brought up Roman and now Dean's mind took him back to earlier tonight and how he abandoned his best friend without even knowing or wanting it. Seth is sure that Rome won't hold this against Dean but it's in his nature to take the blame and guilt and load it only on his shoulders.

He was in town for moral support, watching the Pay-Per-View on television, trusting his buddy to take care of someone he couldn't defeat. If he'd known that Wyatt would pull the Harper card, Dean would have been there to even the odds. He was reduced to watch helplessly and that's something he can't stand.

'Roman okay?' Seth mutters, simultaneously asking for Dean's well-being. 'He lost. Whaddya think?' So, no. They're both angry, disappointed, ashamed and whatnot. Why is it so hard for his brothers to defeat someone who messes with their heads so badly? They're masters at detecting bullshit and they can play mind games just as good as anyone else. Seth wishes he could help them against this foe. Especially now that it looks like it'll end in three against two. And because he doesn't want to be the only Shield member that gets left out of this never-ending feud.

He runs his hand over Dean's stomach, traces the muscles there and his mind briefly takes him back to the day the other's Body Series video came out and how he spend his waking hours with watching it over and over locked in the bathroom. Good times.

Sighing, he yanks himself back to the conversation, trying a different approach. 'You and Rome had a lot of fun these past few weeks.' Dean huffs and pats him on the head, playing around with a loose lock of his hair, rumbling softly, 'I wouldn't call dealing with Bray fun, but yeah. Sorry man, bros before hoes.'

Is that so? Since when does Seth not count as a family member anymore? 'I'm your bro too.' Two strong arms hold him tight and Seth's cheek tickles when Dean laughs heartily. 'Sure you are, kiddo. Stop pouting, we simply have the same annoying problem and no one gets to drag my Jojo into all of this.'

As much as Dean always claims that he hates children, he's totally smitten with Joelle. Seth can understand it though, he loves that sweet crumpet to death too. Even if at the moment he doesn't get to talk to her and explain the situation because Roman wants to keep her out of everything. His private life should stay exactly that: hidden. If he wants to share something, he'll do it. His big brother is very strict on that score.

'Are you saying goodbye?' Does this whole buddy thing mean that Dean is finally coming to terms with the fact that he and Rome had enough time together and that Seth deserves some of that happiness on-screen too? The end to his utter loneliness seems to come closer at full speed yet not at all.

'Maybe,' Dean groans, body tensing and Seth is very thankful that his brother doesn't push him off of him like he would have done a year ago. 'Don't rush me, Seth. Sides, Harper intervening leaves the door open for everything. And by that I mean everything.'

He heard it. And he also understood it perfectly, has had the same thought himself too. Even a longer lasting Shield reunion is possible. However, Seth doesn't know if he's ready to let go of his mission yet. If he's able to accept that he failed. The only thing he did was getting crowned champion while his family only occasionally got to sniff main event air.

Rome won the Rumble, headlined Wrestlemania, but Dean didn't have a chance to prove himself up until now – and they all know he's capable of shining the brightest of all of them. Seth doesn't want to take that away from his boyfriend. He sure as heck doesn't wish to listen to people claim Dean was only good in The Shield, that alone he can't amount to anything.

Seth only knows one thing. He is ready to get his family back, even if he has to eat crow in front of the whole world. He'll do anything his brothers demand to get back in their good graces. And maybe, one day, Seth will even be able to accept that alone he couldn't do what the Hounds of Justice would've done with no sweat. It's true, together they're so much stronger.

Roman turns off the water, so their time is running out and there's still one matter Seth wants to discuss. He's been dying to ask but he always forgot, being too busy banging Dean instead of talking. It bothers him for a while now, so he starts reluctantly, not quite sure how his friend will react, 'Your new shirt.' Or, he should say shirt _s_. How come Seth is the champion but Dean owns the whole merchandise? People love him so much and his brother doesn't even realize it.

'Yeah?' comes the equally hesitating question and Seth can tell that Dean already knows what this is about. It's just something Seth noticed and it hurts every time he looks at his boyfriend backstage or sees a fan wearing his shirts. It's a sharp, stinging pain in his chest, dangerously close to his heart and it won't leave him alone for the rest of the night. He needs some clarification or he'll be the one committing himself to a mental institution.

'Let's ignore the asylum thing for a sec–' 'I don't mind anymore,' Dean interrupts him almost a bit too quickly. Seth doesn't have to finish his concern, his friend explains himself with his next inhale. 'I mean, I _do_ mind but I started to think I can represent people who are afraid that anyone knows something's not right with them. Though a mental illness doesn't mean something is wrong. It's hard to explain. Anyway, I'm happy to stand for all those people who hide their worries and fears because society would outcast them. I'm proud to be one of them.'

There is the answer to a question Seth never dared to ask, but now that Dean said it himself, he assumes it's safe to press on. 'Are you, I mean, mentally ill?' Not that he cares or that it'd change anything. He's been in love with Dean for so long now, has seen the good and the bad, there's nothing that could surprise him. Nothing that could make him abandon his brother once more.

He just wants things to be out in the open and this is a great opportunity to show Dean that he can tell him everything. Needless to say that he's as pleased as he can be that his friend accepted the label the merchandise guys gave him and turned it into something good. Something that's entirely _Dean Ambrose_. Seth would have burned down their office if anyone had ever dared to rubber stamp him as unstable or the most infamous patient in the Ambrose Asylum.

'I was diagnosed with an anxiety and a personality disorder when I was young.' He doesn't specify on which disorder but Dean doesn't need to. Seth is already way too hyper because he gave him an honest answer instead of changing the topic.

It's cute and very, very sad that Dean doesn't leave it at that. He's probably doing it purely on instinct but Seth thinks it's the proof of society's inadequacy that he defends himself and his illnesses by stating the obvious. 'Doesn't mean I'm less of a human being or that people gotta treat me with kid gloves. I'm still me.'

Seth knows. So does Rome and they sure don't mind. They'd even love Dean if he'd drop them for good.

Now that they've established that, Seth can mention what's on his mind, what makes his eyes water and mouth go dry over and over. 'The date.' That's all information Dean requires to understand his worries. Seth asked in the merchandise department who came up the design and they told him that his _former brother_ – to which he automatically replied _business partner_ – only had one condition, if they'd want to go through with the unstable shtick. He demanded that specific combination of numbers on the shirt.

'June 2nd, last year,' his friend mumbles, and for some reason Seth's stomach sinks. He'd hoped so badly that it was just his imagination. That they'd buried the hatched once and for all. He can't even tell how horrible he feels at the moment.

'You're not over it,' he sighs, wondering how he's still able to lie on top of Dean instead of tearing all the other's hair out and shoving it down his brother's throat. It's not exhaustion or laziness keeping him in place. It's hope. And foolish love.

'Doubt I ever will be,' Dean admits, flicking his fingers so Seth will look up to him. He does it begrudgingly; quite frankly, he'd rather stab his friend's eyes out until he sees the overwhelming fondness directed at him. The raw, open emotions Dean barely shows anyone. 'Hey, don't worry, I'll never forget what happened but I'm _not_ pissed at you anymore. The fans though, they expect me to dismantle you before I let you back into my heart.'

Let him get this straight, Dean insisted on the date on his shirt to show the fans that this wound won't heal. That Seth's betrayal still stings so deep that he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to forgive him. Dean, the wrestler. Dean, the hopefully soon fiancé though is over it? For real this time? No pesky arguments about it anymore? Never again?

In that case, he can see the message on the shirt for what it is. 'A constant reminder.' Dean nods, a huge smile plastered on his face and it's awfully contagious. Soon Seth beams at his brother too, even more so when the other adds, 'That we're playing enemies.' _Playing_. Pretending. It _is_ over. Not for the world, but for them; their tiny, once-broken and still not entirely but almost fixed family.

'You know I made up for that this year,' he grins, chest still swelling with satisfaction when he remembers Dean's violent reaction to his marriage proposal. 'You could have put that date on the shirt.'

There's a gentle chuckle coming from beneath him and from the bathroom door alike. Roman finally joined them, in every sense of the word. Okay, maybe not every but he's too tired to care. Dean winks at him before he scoots over – with Seth still clinging tightly to him – to make room for his best friend.

'I couldn't exactly tell them that my arch enemy popped the question and that next year on June 2nd we should get married to complete the trilogy.'

Aweso– wait, what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those interested (and who didn't see it on my writing tumblr already) I'm recovering slowly but surely. Babysitting is literal hell and I don't know how to do it until mid-October without going crazy. I miss writing more than I can tell ;_;


	12. we found love right in front of us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _And then he spots Seth, blinking twice because he can't believe his eyes. Is that the gear of someone who's about to turn face? Or did he, New Day and Bayley just all agree to a white and gold gear because it's fit for winners? His boyfriend looks a bit like a Power Ranger and an actual angel and Dean is speechless for a second._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeez, it's almost 11pm here but I wanted to post this before RAW tonight (what a weird day in the wrestling world, huh?) and so I can concentrate on other projects again. This'll be the last chapter for a while, since I'm having a second surgery on Thursday and I don't know how long I'll be gone this time. The first surgery didn't go all too well for me. But I hope that I can cover NOC again, because I'm hoping for some interesting matches and title changes. Also, you might ask what the second part of this chapter is about. I've read the rumour several times and I thought if they wanna drag out the Ambreigs angle, then at least make it go in a certain direction. (I'm this fic's Seth by now, tbh.) So I wrote it in the story, in the hopes it'll come true. Man, that was long. I'll shut up now. If you want any surgery updates, you can find them on my [writing tumblr](http://ambrollinsgirl.tumblr.com/) or follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/kura_gonzalez). See you guys soon. Hopefully.

**SummerSlam  
August 23rd, 2015**

'You done with your Arrow stalking?' Roman greets him as soon as he enters the small room they chose to be their quiet, secluded hideout.

'Never,' he shoots back, grinning from ear to ear even though he is slightly embarrassed that he's been so obvious about this. 'And it's Stephen Amell, not the Arrow.'

Batman might be his favorite superhero but Oliver Queen isn't far behind. Dean also admires the workout schedule and dedication the actor has for his show and match against Cody – excuse him, Stardust – as well as Wade tonight. Besides, the man has a great sense of humor and doesn't take himself too serious. Plus he's super hot. What's there not to like? It's been a lifelong dream of both of them to stand in the ring and Dean appreciates everyone who takes a look behind the entertaining part and sees the hard work.

'Why don't you ask him out on a date? 'm sure your, what's he now, soon-to-be groom? I'm sure he'd make an exception for Stephen.' Ro is mocking him, trying to take away some of the pressure he's only feeling himself. Dean doesn't have any doubt that they'll win. He worries more about the possibility of one of them turning on the other.

They've come to the conclusion that neither of them is eager to change anything, nor do they want to leave their baby brother alone anymore. Because they can't decide who will have to bite the bullet, they agreed to do it spontaneously, so the other's reaction is genuine. Whenever they think the right moment has come, they'll act on it. Seth wasn't too thrilled about that prospect, but he stopped constantly nagging them to finally stab someone in the back. Instead Dean has subtly hinted at him turning face, since that's a possibility too.

Dean rolls his eyes, successfully ignoring the not serious suggestion to cheat on Seth. Instead he gets down to do some push ups while he listens to Stephen Amell talk to Tom, doing a tiny Q & A.

Dean might be claiming he got into the business for some skirt-chasing – as he calls it in interviews – however, he'd never endanger the thing he and Seth had so much trouble with building up. There are a lot of things he can forgive; that isn't one of them.

'He's my brother. One of the two people who love me no matter what. Stop pestering me with the goddamn wedding shit,' he groans, sick of his family asking him if he's made up his mind yet. Roman just chuckles, bandaging his wrists as cool as ice.

Silence falls upon them as they follow the events on the screen, listening to Jon Stewart and Mick Foley kick off SummerSlam. And so it begins.

Seth is currently getting dressed – he teased Dean with the info that he'll have a new ring gear tonight and he's curious what this buffoon came up with now – in the locker room of the Authority while Taker roams around the arena, scaring people to get into the right mood for the main event. He's talked with the man briefly a few hours ago, not wanting to disturb the other's concentration, making sure Taker is ready. Still, Dean can't help but think that this match is kinda pointless. The Streak is gone and it won't come back. The Undertaker could kill Brock and it wouldn't change a damn thing.

But he knows very well what it's like to want closure and hell will freeze over before he'll stop someone from possibly making a mistake.

Sheamus and Randy have the first fight of the night and Dean realizes anew how weird the Irish looks with a briefcase that he got to associate only with his boyfriend. It's been a while since Ro got screwed over at Money in the Bank and Sheamus climbed the ladder to retrieve the case, but Dean is still not able to get it into his thick skull that the French braiding jerk will be champion in the next year.

When Orton gets pinned, Roman throws a surprised and confused glance at him. Yeah, he too never thought The Viper would lose. Must've gotten off on the wrong foot today.

He's not really interested in the Fatal 4-Way, but even Dean can't fight a smile when he sees the New Day celebrate. Titles changes are always fun, except for when you're the dupe. Speaking of championships, Dean can't wait to see Seth's match. He better not lose to Cena. The guy having his baby is one thing but tying a record and taking away his friend's biggest accomplishment is a completely different matter.

Like many other people Dean is done with Super Cena. He respects the other's career highlights and everything he achieved, but it's time for a new era and Seth is the one heralding it. Dean is more than ready to follow him wherever he'll lead them.

Dolph versus Rusev is another natch that doesn't mean much to him, so he tapes his wrists and puts some more water on his hair, making sure it's dripping wet. He'll put on his wifebeater shortly before he walks out. The ladies accompanying them on the other hand do look stunning. Summer might be a bit creepy due to the Bulgarian dressing her like his ex, but at least being with Ziggler helped Lana loosen up considerably.

'Look at the thing on Dolph's head. No one is allowed to say a bad word about Seth as long as _that_ 's walking around,' his big brother mumbles while slipping into his vest, not really expecting an answer since he's already in his own world, which gives Dean time to fully enjoy Stephen Amell's performance and fanboy as much as he wants to without Roman witnessing it.

But it's true, Dolph and Seth should go to a hairdresser as soon as possible. To be honest, Dean's missing the blond patch more than he wants to admit. It's been a part of Seth for so long and he loved to play with it for the past four years, so it's hard for him to get that it's almost gone now. And his friend isn't intent on bleaching his hair to give it a break to recover. Dean understands that, but he sighs loudly every time he realizes that the thing making Seth's face so soft and a million times more interesting is vanishing.

He sits down on a chair, resting his feet on another one, to watch the drama on the screen unfold, waiting for it to be over to finally get his Arrow match. He's never conceived why people need to wage war with their exes in front of the whole world. If you claim to be done with them, be done with them and move on. Be the better person and let things rest. Don't drag innocent girls into your shit and force them to be a copy of what you used to have. And then this battle ends with a double count out, which basically means it didn't end at all.

Groaning, Dean rolls his eyes at the screen, zoning out until he hears the promo for the villains versus heroes match. That's his cue to pay attention again. Okay, hands down, he might have a tiny crush on Stephen Amell. But seriously, who can blame him?

It's impossible not to laugh when the actor makes his way to the ring – not because he takes off his Arrow hood and showcases his fine upper body that's _nothing_ compared to Seth's – but because Dean can see how in character the man is. How much he wants to compete in that very ring, despite having only had two weeks to train for it. Dean can practically feel the intensity and it's not just some act. Stephen wants to get even with Cody and he's hellbent on proving that he's not someone to be messed with.

Fuck, Dean wishes he'd be part of that match too. Amell is on fire, not showing any signs of hesitation or fear – sadly, he also doesn't spare a moment to look around and take in his surroundings. Once it's over, Stephen will curse himself for not doing it, since this is not a chance he'll get many times in his life. Dean knows how overwhelming it can be when you fully understand you're performing in front of millions of people. It's a feeling that still settles deep inside his chest to spread warmth and adrenaline through his body. He's addicted to it.

'Damn; guy's a natural. That Enzuigiri was a thing of beauty. Goddamn, two weeks and he can do more than me when I started,' Dean mutters, feeling Ro's hand clap him gently on his shoulders before he hears words he'd much rather erase from existence. 'According to some people, he's even better than me now.'

_Fuck_ those fans. The ones that still think Roman is in this for the fame, that he gets everything thrown at him because of his lineage. That he's not improving and doesn't have enough passion for this job. Screw all of them. 'Don't listen to that bullshit. They have no clue and just like to hear themselves talk. They're the same ones telling me I can't do shit and am just a raging lunatic, and Seth he should die. Bunch of childish jerks who can't see the sacrifices we make each day, the risks we undertake. They're the same ones putting down our girls or chanting stupid shit during matches. Blend those morons out, Ro, they're not worth it.'

It's bad enough that they all have to listen to the nasty voices in their heads, telling them the same things. They don't need fans – who pay money to see them just so they can complain – to make everything worse. Is that all they wanna do at a live event? Disrespecting hard working athletes? Dean wouldn't even spend a single penny on stuff like that. If he detests something, he steers clear of it. It's that easy.

Roman huffs out a fond laugh and ruffles through his hair, cherishing his words but Dean knows that it's not that easy to forget. As a wrestler you want the crowd to react to you. Nothing is worse than radio silence. But no matter what people say, if you get booed for no reason, it messes with your head. As a heel, you want that. You feed off the fans' hatred, make it your weapon. But if you didn't do a thing to deserve it – and just living _isn't_ a justified reason – then it's the worst thing that can happen to you. One day, Dean's gonna explode. He won't let anyone treat his family like that. If they wanna hate on Roman so badly, they're gonna get a war they can't ever win.

His brother just needs to say one word and Dean will open the gates of hell. But he got the order to stand back and let the big dog handle it, so he tries to support his best friend in any way he can. Though his whole being itches to slap some bitchy fans who dare to talk shit about his brother but still wanna have the fist bump to brag about it online. Hypocrites are the worst.

'Come on, we gotta get ready,' Roman jerks him out of his thoughts and Dean grunts, mad at himself that he wasted his time with ignorant people instead of enjoying Stephen's win over Barrett and Rhodes. 'We're next.'

So he stands up and puts on his black wifebeater before slipping into his boots and following his friend through the arena. They hug before he strolls to gorilla and Ro gets to his spot to walk down to the ring through the crowd. Seth is nowhere to be seen – he's scheduled to fight right after them – but he can make out the Wyatts, so he hides behind a black curtain, not wanting to start the brawl back here, even if he can't wait to get his hands on them; to finally win against that family rip-off.

As soon as the Intercontinental Title bout is over and his music hits, he jumps into a world he feels the most comfortable in. There's just him, his best friend and two foes he needs to dismantle. Though his chest still seizes up whenever he looks at the ring corner and there's no Seth – and no Roman for that matter; what's he doin' outside, waiting for better weather? Dean fights for his family, taking bumps until Ro has recovered enough to aid him, clawing his way through this match.

It's not pretty but then again, that's not really their style anyway. Seth will take care of that in a few minutes.

Dean has to admit, due to their agreement to turn on the other whenever they deem it fit, his heart beats faster every time he thinks the moment has come. Each time he goes for the tag or helps Roman to execute the leftovers of the Triple Powerbomb he's sure it's gonna happen. It's nerve-wracking and he has no idea why they even came up with this.

Maybe they should put it aside for a while, should keep on working together just to piss people off with their bromance. Not Seth, obviously. The people continuing to diss his best friend, the ones that want to boo him out of the building or hit him with a prop even though he's done nothing wrong. Ro shouldn't have to fight his way back into their graces, yet he still tries every day with all his might. These asshats better start to appreciate his brother or they'll lose him too.

The match ends with them standing tall and it's such a rush to be victorious at a Pay-Per-View with his buddy by his side that he yells, 'That's what you get for messing with family.' They might not be bonded by blood but they still are a real family. Not just a leader and his minions. They're equals and everyone will learn that lesson if they think they can take them on.

He knows it's far from over, this petty feud, and that Bray will come up with another annoying thing but Dean is sure that he and Roman can conquer anything. After all, they're still members of The Shield – no matter if it's inactive or not – and the Hounds beat everything that dared to cross their way. This won't change just because they're two instead of three.

Once backstage he sees a camera directed at them, so he pushes Ro towards it to search for Seth. Cena's music blasts out of the speakers and the man walks past him with his baby in his hands. Well, Dean is sure Seth will fight for her as much as he'll want to retain his own belt. Anything is acceptable, except for Cena holding both championships.

And then he spots Seth, blinking twice because he can't believe his eyes. Is that the gear of someone who's about to turn face? Or did he, New Day and Bayley just all agree to a white and gold gear because it's fit for winners? His boyfriend looks a bit like a Power Ranger and an actual angel and Dean is speechless for a second.

Seth has never been so handsome, though Dean already misses the black outfit. By ditching that, his brother has severed all ties to The Shield. He'd be really mad if he wouldn't be so fucking proud right now. Finally, his friend is standing on his own two feet and doesn't depend on anyone else. _That's_ the Seth he and Roman wanted to see all this time and after fourteen months, he's here.

His brother turns his head – as if he'd felt that Dean was there – and smiles. Not in the cocky, superior way he fools the world with. It's the honest, slightly nervous but heartwarming smile that Dean immediately returns before he winks and nods at the other's hands with a frown. Where are the gloves? The ones Dean loves to bits and pieces. Surely, Seth could've found white ones to match the outfit.

God, he'll miss them during sex. Seth better occasionally put on his old gloves or Dean will throw him out of his room.

His friend shrugs, pointing at the customized wristbands and then to the tape covering Dean's skin – that lovestruck fool –, jutting his chin towards Roman while tapping against his ear. Seth's music echoes through the arena and Dean should be joining their brother for the fallout video. Alright, he gets it. No more ogling Seth in his God-like gear. He'll have enough time for that later.

Dean has no clue what he's blabbering into the camera, just tries to concentrate on his match instead of Seth and follows Roman as soon as he thinks he's said enough. They don't make it back to their hideout because Dean doesn't want to miss even a single second of Seth's match, so they gather around the first television they find, following the events – in his case, watching the screen spellbound.

The longer he stares at his baby brother, the prouder he gets; almost to the point he wants to scream _that's my boyfriend out there, whoopin' Cena's ass_. The moves Seth pulls off are breathtaking. He knew that he would wrestle as beautiful as Dean had brawled ugly right before him. And even though he'll never stop dreading his friend doing top rope stuff, he continues to raise an imaginary fist every time it pays off.

Sure, Seth lands on his face once but that's the risk he takes. Most times it does work; however, he can't expect Cena to make the same mistake twice. Silly Seth. But then he does things like the Running Shooting Star Press – moves that Dean would be afraid of, because he tends to think he'd break his neck due to him not being as agile and quick in the air as his brother – and all the missed spots are forgotten.

The way his partner wrestles, Dean can't help but think he's got this one in the bag. No matter what offense Cena gets in, Seth is always a step ahead. Really, his goddamn chest is hurting, trying to contain all the elation that wants to burst out as he watches his friend mock his opponent – and fuck, does he love that – by using his signature move and finisher against him. If he's standing on his own two feet, Seth is invincible. Well, _Dean_ beat him, but look where it got him.

The moment he's finished that thought his moronic brother manages to get trapped in the Figure Four in the middle of the ring, making Dean scream, 'Come on.' Roman nudges him in the side but the damage is already done. Tamina has heard him – so have all the other members of Team B.A.D. and their opponents, as well as all the staff walking around this part of the arena –, arching an eyebrow at him. 'You cheering for Cena?'

'Hell yeah,' he automatically grits out, waiting for her to walk away shaking her head, so he can mutter, ' _Fuck no_. Cheerin' for my boy.'

Roman chuckles and crosses his arms over his chest, whispering secretively, 'Don't let anyone hear that. He's still Hunter's little–' Dean whips his head around, hissing something not even he can make out, though he thinks it's a _don't ya dare call him bitch_.

'Relax, lover boy, I wanted to say _son_. Look at you, being all defensive and cute,' his best friend teases him and Dean demonstratively rolls his eyes, punching his fist against the other's upper arm because no words could ever distract Ro from the embarrassment he can see on Dean's face.

'Shuddup,' he mutters, but they both grin. It's true that Seth makes him soft, is his Achilles' heel, but he somehow is fine with that. As long as it doesn't affect his work, it's okay to love someone so dearly that he doesn't recognize himself at times.

He wants to add that Seth is always up to something; he'd never lose sight of the ultimate prize. Not in the long run, at least. But as soon as he opens his mouth, his baby brother pulls off another move that makes him speechless. No wonder does he almost always lose against such a tremendous wrestler. Every month Seth is able to notch up his performance without fail.

'Don't worry, he got it,' Ro says more to himself the moment their friend hits Cena in the face. Okay, that's kind of a low blow, but Seth knows where to strike to gain the most and Dean waits for him to do a Pedigree and finish this fight, making history once more. His mouth drops open when Jon Stewart thinks he can get in the ring with a fucking chair and Dean growls against his will, hoping for the man's sake that he won't hurt Seth or he'll face a different kind of wrath.

The Pedigree comes, on the chair at that, and Dean is bummed out that his brother once more couldn't prove that he can win on his own. This time though because someone who has no business in the squared circle intervened in a match to help his sworn enemy. Seth never mentioned the host being on his side, so Dean assumes this wasn't planned.

'He made it,' they can hear several people utter astonished – as if beating John Cena is as impossible as defeating Brock Lesnar and oh wait, Seth has done both. Suck on that –, but all he can think of is the interference and how horrible Seth will feel once he's come down from his temporary high. And then there's another comforting whisper brushing over his earlobe. 'We're gonna be there for him.'

There's no time to thank Roman for being the awesome brother that he is because Seth steps through the curtains and Hunter and Steph immediately crowd him; as well as dozens of other people that want to get a good shot of the new double champ. Seth will be busy for quite a while now but he still takes time to look over to them. There's no smile or wink; they don't need that to know what's going on.

Dean nods, turning towards Naomi, Sasha and Tamina to wish them luck. 'Look at you Naomi, all golden too. Considering all the ones who won titles with that new gear, I'm sure you'll kick ass,' he sends them off, crossing his fingers for his extended family. That they'd be the first ones to be eliminated was not something he'd ever have pictured. That the Bellas would lose was another thing surprising him though he is impressed by Becky Lynch.

On their way back to their hideout they walk past Natalya and Dean stops in his tracks, wondering why she isn't a part of this revolution. Or other wrestlers that are stupidly called Divas. He's always hated that term.

Before she's out of sight he yells she should greet Tyson and she waves happily, claiming she'll wait for Cesaro to finish his match so they can hang out a bit. It might sound horrible but ever since her husband got injured, the Swiss really took the opportunity and got himself a few steps up the ladder. Though Dean has to give it to him, still wearing his tag team gear in honor of his buddy. There's nothing better than true friends in this world.

And speaking of, _his_ sits down once they've reached their destination to watch the main event with him; knowing how important it is for Dean to follow everything involving Taker. It's not that he doubts the man's ability to get his revenge. It's more that he's afraid of the other's condition. Taker isn't the youngest anymore and Brock is a beast – no pun intended. Harming people is what he does best and Dean couldn't bear witnessing his father figure break down once he's back gorilla again.

Taker has so much passion but his body is getting older really fast. Dean doesn't want the man to retire, since a whole era would come to an end and he'd be terribly missed. But he also knows it's only a matter of time. Soon he won't ever hear that gong again; his heartbeat won't pick up in anticipation and joy because of it anymore.

'What the fuck was that?' he asks as soon as the match is over – this time for real –, watching worriedly how Taker carries himself backstage with his head held high while Paul and Brock flip their shit in the ring. 'That was the knowledge of the veteran beating the inexperience of a part-timer.' Burn.

'Come on, lets get you back to the hotel. Seth should be done with his boasting soon too.'

Dean scoffs and gets up, packing his stuff to wait in their room for his brother to arrive, hoping he'll still wear at least his new pants. He wants to take them in once more, just to get used to the new sight.

Three incredibly boring hours later, their brother honors them with his presence in casual clothes, beaming at them, his cheeky smile shining brighter than the two belts on his shoulders. 'I got you your baby back,' is the first thing he says, shoving the US title at Dean as if it's rightfully his.

He refuses to take her, simply flips off his friend and walks a few steps back, shaking his head. 'All I need is you.' He doesn't want her back like this, without a fight and having earned the right to wear her again. But he is glad to see she's in the best hands she can be. God, he can't wait to hear Seth's bragging speech at RAW tonight.

'Just hold on to her, she's a very special lady to me,' he warns his friend to not lose her to the first contender that comes running at him and Seth nods with a grim expression on his face, taking this matter very serious. For a while he just stares at Dean, and he can tell the exact moment the inevitable questions threatens to bubble out of his brother's mouth.

'Why don't you come and get it?' Ah, nice try. But Dean is on a different mission right now and that's helping Ro at all costs. His baby needs to wait. So does his title. 'Don't get greedy,' he laughs, embracing Seth while kissing him on the tip of his nose, adding gleefully, 'You're so fucked at Night of Champions.'

* * *

**RAW  
August 24th, 2015  
02:14 am**

'So, just hypothetically, would you mind us going after the Tag Team Titles?'

'No?' Seth sticks his head out of the bathroom before he fully steps out, showing them his new gear in all its blinding glory as if he's on a catwalk. Dean asked him to put it on, just for him.

His brother looks as breathtaking as he did two nights ago, but he seriously misses the dark color complimenting his features. And the gloves. He really mourns the loss of those. What a great thing that his friend promises him in that very moment that he didn't ditch the black gear. The white and golden one is reserved for special nights.

Roman looks like Seth just said he'd go after the Intercontinental Title too, to unify all three of them, so Dean decides to not trust his earlier answer either. 'Is that so?'

His friend stops walking, peeling the tape off his hands to divert his gaze, mumbling, 'I'm not exactly in a position to tell you what to do.' Are they still not over this? How many times does Dean have to tell him before he finally believes it?

'Dude, it's water under the bridge. You're my partner, you have _every_ right to tell me your opinion.' Dean thought about it long last night, after Seth and Roman had already gone to sleep and he had a nice, civilized talk with his best friend during breakfast. He's not hellbent on pursuing the titles yet but it's an idea he thought he could throw in the mix and he wants to know if Seth is fine with it. Especially since he's still hoping Dean will dump Ro and marry him in the middle of the ring.

Seth sighs and plops down on the bed, cuddling up to Roman as if that would melt Dean's heart in any way. 'You won't listen to it anyway,' he gripes, burying his face in their big brother's chest. What a cunning strategy, using his adorableness to get to Dean. It almost works.

Almost. 'True, but I'd take a sec to consider it,' Dean jokes, swatting Seth's feet away to sit down too. This might be a half-assed plan so far but he'd rather get this out of the way before any feelings are hurt. No more of that special kind of bullshit. He got roughed up enough tonight when Bray's newest toy destroyed the last bit of pride he still had, there's no need to stir up drama with one of the only two people Dean feels safe with.

His brother nuzzles the broad chest and Dean knows it's a childish sort of punishment for suggesting to leave him to his own devices some more. But he won't give in; his boyfriend doesn't need him. Not even a fraction of how much Dean needs Seth. He just thinks this because he turned his back on them and tries to mend things even though – just between the three of them – there's nothing left to fix. Except for the stolen Wrestlemania moment maybe.

After a while his baby brother stops to act like a kid and moans, 'Go for it. You guys deserve a title. I just– I thought one of you, preferably _you_ , would come after me.'

Yeah, he knows and believe him, he loves wrestling with or against Seth more than anything in the entire world but they've all started to go their separate ways. It's just that for the time being he and Ro have a common enemy. One day the same will happen to Seth and Dean. Until then they have to follow the plan.

And he does exactly that by smacking his partner gently on the hip while taunting him, 'What, Sting not good enough for you?' Briefly he wonders just how many legends will return and why they decided to crawl out of oblivion right now. Though he'd never say no the 3D executed by the only team that should ever do it. Feels a bit like the return of the Attitude Era. Seth should text Jeff and ask them to swing by too.

'You know what I mean,' comes the weak reply and Dean's heart finally melts. His friend knows exactly how to wind him around his little finger. But to be fair, he's not putting up a lot of fight to do resist it.

Taking Seth's hand in his own, he entwines their fingers and gives them a small peck, promising without knowing if he can fulfill it, 'Hold on to her until we're done with the Wyatts.'

Seth knows it might never come to another championship match between them, yet the prospect alone lifts his mood considerably. Yeah buddy, two know how to play that game. Dean can be pretty charming too.

'Don't you want my help?' Want? Yeah. Depend on? Not really. Would it be horrible to throw that at Seth? Absofuckinglutely. So he only runs his fingers over the white fabric – noticing happily that it's the same material as the black gear – and grins at his boyfriend.

'You got other problems to worry about. We'll manage.' He's a great significant other. Dean even kisses the sad expression off his brother's face, begging quietly, 'Hey, don't gimme that look. We'd love to have you in our corner but we got different agendas. One day we'll be together again. Until then, you and me, we'll do the sneaking and hiding unless we're alone. I know it sucks but I'd rather die than ruin this thing you got goin' on for you right now. You made it, man. You're on top of the world, so don't ya dare fuck that up for me.'

Shit, where did _that_ come from? That was way more than he wanted to say and also a lot deeper. Even Roman throws a warm smile at him that tells Dean how happy they are that he finally opened up and decided to let both of them in – even if he can't be sure that he won't get hurt once more.

Seth tops that loving glance by stating loudly, 'But you're worth it.' _No, please, don't go there_. Dean isn't worth giving up everything for. He'd never forgive himself if Seth would blow it for a boyfriend he can never show off. One who's still reluctant to accept his marriage proposal. One who continues to even make fun of it because he can't handle it all.

But Seth is looking at him with his huge, puppy like eyes, expecting an answer that doesn't involve his default emotion: self-loathing. But honestly, what could he possibly say to that?

'I– uh– thanks? Fact of the matter is, don't do that. We're _us_ and no one can tear us apart. You don't ever need to worry about that. So go out there, be the champ and have the time of your life. You're destined for great things, your time is right now. Don't worry about us, we'll follow once ours has come.'

He really doesn't like being the responsible one – that's Ro's job. However, he could clap himself on the shoulder for this. That was a stroke of genius. And very grown up too. Look at him caring about people's feelings and all.

Seth waits until he is lying next to him, letting go of their big brother to hug him around the waist, lips brushing over Dean's barely visible stubble until he's reached his destination, putting his mouth gingerly on Dean's. Neither of them says a word; not even Roman. He could tell them to get a room or to at least roll off of him but he takes one for the team and endures their lazy make out session until Seth ends it to lie flat on his back, poking their friend in the side.

'I'm not saying this to coerce someone into doing anything, but a heel turn would benefit Rome. With the fans being all dumb and booing him. Kofi and his friends did it too, once they realized how ungrateful the crowds were.'

Great minds think alike. Doesn't mean a turn is the only option they have. Or, that there has to be a face to heel one. And Dean is certain that he dropped enough hints to make Seth understand that he enjoys whatever he gets to do in the ring at the moment. His baby brother has been tag team champion too, with Ro, so he should know that they could change the division to the better; raise the bar a bit and get people interested in the matches. With the Dudleys being back things could get really heated. God damn, Dean loves these odds. If he could, he'd challenge them right away.

'Siding with Dee works too,' Ro deadpans, beating Seth with logic. It's crystal clear how much it upsets him to not have a good counterargument, which is why Dean opens the zipper at the white ring shirt and helps Seth out of it while there's a miffed, 'I guess.'

Huh, imagine that. Suddenly, out of the three of them, he's the most over with the fans. It's a shame he can't live up to everyone's expectations. His solo career sucks so far. All he ever managed was get so close to winning and ending up losing anyway. Well done him.

If it wouldn't be so adorable Dean would ban Seth out of their room for being such a goddamn sorehead. Seth can trust them; they might not be as smart as he is, but they're not stupid either. They know very well what they're doing – or Roman does while Dean just acts purely on instinct – and they don't think that the time is right yet.

Ro quickly catches up on Seth's bad mood and puts a protective hand on the broken blond patch, giving their friend affection and guidance at the same time. Seriously, without Roman, they'd be totally lost. Dean can still learn a lot from him in the matter of showing emotions the right way while Seth can internalize the other's calmness. They've adapted myriads of little character traits from each other and Dean sincerely hopes that this won't ever change. Together they're so much stronger. They do work as a duo too, but he doesn't feel complete if it's not the three of them.

'Look at it like that,' Roman tries to reason or to make a postponed turn more tempting for Seth. 'We get the gold, are relevant again, don' interrupt me – you know it's true –, get to enjoy each other's company while you walk around with two different titles and once we lose 'em, I can be all pissed at Dean and give you your heel brother.'

Seth scrunches up his nose but thankfully Ro can't see it. Dean though does and he retaliates by flicking his baby brother on the forehead. Brown eyes stare at him, yet they're not brimmed with anger. There's a lot of fight in them but it's the good kind. The one he has come to admire so much.

'No offense, but I want Dean,' Seth murmurs loud enough for everyone to hear while continuing to look right at him, trying to communicate with his gaze. Dean doesn't even blink, hesitating to pick a side.

Ro snickers, shooting back an equally snotty, 'No offense; ya gonna get me.' Alright, time to intervene. So far, nothing is set in stone and Dean is sure if he doesn't stop this right now, these two dickheads will start arguing for real and as much as he loves to watch those fights, he'd rather take a nap with his two brothers by his side.

'Probably,' Dean squeezes out of this too tight throat to prevent Seth from turning away from him, so he can get up and start an hour long discussion about who's the best candidate to turn heel and why he _still_ prefers Dean's company over Ro's.

Seth wants to spend more time with Dean, they get it, but that's one of the reasons he's so reluctant to leave his best friend. Not because he doesn't want to be around Seth, that's stupid. No, he rather thinks these two could use some time alone to reforge the bond that binds them. It's still going strong but it suffered a lot and Dean wants them to be the inseparable unit they were before again. He wants a lot of things but he's a hundred percent sure that this ain't just a pipe dream.

Dean is the one to sit up, so he can make sure they're both looking at him, lecturing them in the most annoyed tone he can muster up, 'Depends on how things work out with us as a tag team. And no offense guys, but _I_ 'm tired of this whole heel face crap. Seth, you okay with it or nah? Cause your opinion matters.'

He wouldn't let it ruin his plans, but he'd execute them somewhat reluctantly, knowing Seth is vehemently against it. Dean is done harming the people he couldn't live without.

Gladly, his baby brother flashes a smile at him, repeating what he said earlier. This time, Dean believes him. 'Go for it. Let us be champs together.' Now that's a goal they can achieve – if the Wyatts let them. Worst case scenario? They follow them into the tag team division and their endless feud begins anew. God, why does this so-called family just keep growing? What is so damn appealing to people that they give up their free will to follow some bushwhacker?

No, stop. No more dragging his work into his private life. Seth is here, so is Roman and he should treasure every second because Dean has a media day ahead and needs to leave his brothers in a couple of hours.

So he just climbs over Seth to lie in the middle, waiting for them to turn off the lights to kiss his boyfriend one last time while murmuring in his ear as softly as he can, 'That's my boy.'

It's good to know that Seth supports them, even if it means he's lost in the darkness for a while longer. Having Seth backing him up means so much to Dean; it's almost enough to help him forget that his brother can't be there for him in a match anymore.

No one knows what the future will hold for them, what the fuck they're gonna be but one thing is certain. Now that they've made it through the past year in one piece, _nothing_ will ever break them apart.

'Anything for you. If you choose to do that, do me a favor and rule the division with an iron fist. I only settle for the very best.' Pfft, sure he does. What a bighead.

'I'm perfect the way I am, dumbo,' he mumbles back, brushing his lips over his boyfriend's cheek. An amused chuckle reaches his ears and Dean grins into the twilight when two hands glide under his tank top to hold him tight. A beard scrubs over his bare shoulder and a smooth mouth come to rest on his neck, opening its doors to let out a deep-felt, 'You are. Whatever you end up doing, I'm with you until the end.'

Ditto.


	13. catch me if i fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Roman's moth drops open and he hisses bewildered – which only amuses Dean more –, 'Would you two stop aggressively flirting in public? Everyone can hear you.'_
> 
> _'Everyone just did.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ**
> 
> Some of you might already now how mixed my feelings for this fic are at the moment and I just want to beg you to refrain from asking me about updates. I will write another chapter when there's something inspiring me to do it. And if that won't happen until The Shield reunites, then I'll write about that and fill the gaps somehow. I know people love this fic for whatever reason but I've come to think it's become everything every "bad" comment ever criticized. I need a break from LTWK, a longer one. I guess, I need to recharge my batteries for this. So please, please, as much as I love you showing your support and all, _please_ don't ask for an update. Because as lovely as it's probably meant to be, it only pressures me. I hope this'll pass sooner or later, I pray for it, because this story means a great deal to me, but I can't change the here and now. And I don't want to end up hating this series. Hopefully you understand. I'm sorry for all this.

**RAW  
Monday 19th, 2015**

He acted like he wasn't thrilled when he agreed to team with Dean and Roman but truth is, he was freaking out on the inside. Finally, he could intervene in that never ending nightmare and join forces with his beloved family. Shawn Michaels is a genius who thought he would punish Seth with this. Ha.

He imagined it'd be like in the golden days of The Shield. Just them and the Wyatts, fighting in the squared circle for all their worth. Seth had been looking forward to play a little _will he really be able to coexist with them after everything_ , teasing the fans and himself alike because competing with – or against – Dean and Roman has always been easy. Like breathing. It's just natural.

Sure, he was the one claiming he doesn't want The Shield back, that he's fine with his solo career – and looking at his accomplishments, who wouldn't? –, but he's come to realize that he misses his family more and more with each passing day.

Ever since he had thought Dean and Rome meant it when they Triple Powerbombed Randy at Elimination Chamber, Seth has begun to understand that it was a lie. Winning, or rather cheating, is only half as funny if he's all alone.

So, Seth being more or less forced into teaming up with his brothers was definitely the best thing happening to him since Kevin. But then Dean had to go and ruin his good mood before the match started by whispering, 'Be a dick. And walk out on me like last time.'

His problem isn't that his friend wants him to be a jerk in front of all these people; Seth is used to that already. Sometimes, it's terrifyingly easy. Even when he trash talks about a living legend in the face of said legend. No, it's that Dean is crushing all his hopes, closing the door on a possible longer-lasting Shield reunion.

Well, he has to admit, he does deserve this after everything he's said and done not only tonight but in the past one and a half years. A lot more time has to pass for that.

Don't get him wrong, his current feud with Kane is a nice change and it's also quite entertaining, with the Demon randomly scaring him or dragging him to hell. He couldn't deny his ally his wish for a Pay-Per-View bout after all the things he did for Seth. Kane asked for one last title shot, one more time feeling relevant after being someone's lackey for so long. Besides, the veteran is the first opponent since Dean Seth trusts not to break his spine in a fit of anger.

And he was even able to fulfill his side of the deal, watching satisfied the brief reunion of the Brothers of Destruction at a house show in Mexico. At least these two made peace on and off-screen and got to enjoy all the advantages that come with waging a war side by side with your family.

Seth feels like it's time to put all that in the past and rule the division together again. Yes, his brothers have their own plans – that don't include him – but they've been backing each other up the whole summer while he has been stuck in the midst of the enemy. By his own choice, sure, yet that doesn't count.

Undoubtedly, Dean urges him to be his arrogant other self to help Seth stay in character after he stupidly gloated that he'd break The Shield again. He's _The Man_ and the Architect and only he can toy with his creation. God, those words will haunt him even in the afterlife. They'll probably be the only sentence on his gravestone.

And his ego is hurt, okay? Last time he got his hopes up and thought his brothers were fine with giving him a second chance in public, they played him like a freaking fiddle. To make all of this worse, it's that that night was the first time he could really understand how Dean felt when Seth first abandoned him during their match against the Wyatts and then stabbed him in the back a couple of weeks later.

Seth isn't sure if Dean thought this throu– wait, this is Dean Effing Ambrose they're talking about. Of course it's a spur of the moment decision.

His boyfriend is protecting himself by telling Seth to leave him before he does it on his own. Dean prefers to hurt himself so no one else can do it. Especially because Seth has done it so frequently in the past seventeen months and his brother is more than just done with that.

The roar of the crowd gets drowned out the moment Dean realizes what his order did to Seth. His fingers twitch and Seth has to stop himself from grinning, thinking it's rather cute that Dean is fighting the urge to hug him right here. Hushed whispering it is then.

'Don't worry, buddy, I know you wouldn't make the same mistake twice,' Dean mumbles in his direction as they stand in the corner, watching the match he wanted to start only to end up chickening out. He's a great heel; Dean has been a marvelous teacher.

'And while I'd love to just forget everything and bring The Shield back, this'll only be a one night thing. Stop sulking, I won't be mad at you. Wrestler-me can just act like he'd never should've trusted you again, that we should've known _once a turncoat, always a turncoat_.'

Despite the good intent, these words sting like fire, burning him alive. But fine, whatever, no time to be mad now. Should be easy enough for him; after all, Seth has done this before. All he needs to do is fake an injury and jump down the apron to deny the one person he'd die for the tag. It's going to be a walk in the park.

As predicted, after some accidental cheerleading and encouraging touching, it all goes smoothly. Dean can reassure him as much as he wants to though. Looking into his blue eyes, hurt and betrayal flashing through them as convincingly as it did in March last year, is _the absolute worst_. Seth feels sick and he's so appalled by himself that he can't even glance in the mirror after he's alone backstage, forcing himself to never turn back – otherwise he'd run down the ramp and do what every fiber of his being wishes to do for over a year now.

How could he ever intentionally hurt his family like that? He's the most selfish, disgusting human on earth and Dean deserves so much better.

Seth is so lost in thoughts, so busy hating himself for being such an awful person, that he doesn't know where he is when he comes to his senses again. Checking the area, he can't help but scoff. Seth found the perfect place to succumb to his self-loathing. It's a barely lit hallway deep in the maze that is the arena with lots of cables and equipment lying around.

Ironic, isn't it? He stumbled over the hideout of The Shield; if they'd still be a thing, they would have cut their promo right here.

His subconsciousness must really despise him.

'Knew you'd be here, dumbo. You're so predictable,' a familiar voice yanks him out of his dark headspace, and a warm hand caresses his cheek before someone wordlessly pulls him into a hug from behind. At first, Seth wants to break free because he is not entitled to this but Dean's grip is too strong to fight against. And quite frankly, he craves the intimacy, the safety of the embrace.

It doesn't last longer than a few seconds but to him it feels like a whole wonderful eternity, and when his brother speaks on to end this tender moment, hot breath tickles his ear. 'It's okay, Seth. Wasn't real. What happened out there was the plan, alright? We're keeping it alive until we're ready to come back.'

So, after all his hard work Dean and Roman still can't quite find it in them to let things go. But on the other hand, after incidents like this, Seth isn't sure if he'd be able to move on just like that either. There's a lot of crap he did – before and after he left them – and they need to get it all out of their systems before they can start anew.

Dean nuzzles his neck, gingerly grabbing his naked arms to pull him out of the place that's filled with the most wonderful memories. 'C'mon, let's get ya outta here. I think someone needs a lot of cuddling t'night. And, lucky you, I'm in a giving mood. I'll get us our own motel room, whaddya say?'

As long as Dean will stay at his side for the rest of the night – or the rest of their lives – he's able to do everything.

'Never ask me to abandon you again,' he blurts out, flinging his arms around Dean's waist to hold him back, drawing the moment out as long as possible.

'I didn't. _You_ didn't. Not today, at least.' Dun dun duuun. God, he's getting so frustrated now. Seth knows that fleeing had been the only believable thing for his character to do, but nothing in his whole life has ever felt this wrong.

'It was a part of the game, best to forget it. If we dwell on it, we'll just fall back into who we were last year. I don't wanna do that.' At least they're on the same page here. Seth would rather kill himself than turn on his only true family another time.

To emphasize his words and to convince Seth they're not just empty reassurances, Dean gives him three small pecks on the nose, the left corner of his lips and the forehead. And because he knows Seth better than anyone, he presses their cheeks together jovially, announcing overly confident, 'Never again. We're together and no dumb act can change that. Stop worrying so much and for fuck's sake, stop overthinking everything. Sometimes nights like these don't mean a damn thing.' It _does_ matter and they both know it, but maybe Seth is really making a mountain out of a molehill. The loneliness is getting to him, as it would seem.

Dean is still shielding himself from Seth in fear of getting hurt and left behind once more, this time unable to stand up after being kicked down. But it's like he said – and Seth is slowly starting to believe it –, the traitor tonight was his gimmick, not the real Seth Rollins. He seriously needs to learn to separate these two again.

His brother is in this for life. How weird that, out of two of them, Seth is the one constantly having doubts and insecurities. Or, Dean is much better at hiding them.

He buries his face in his friend's sweat-soaked wifebeater, muttering loud enough for his brother to hear, 'I'm lucky I have you.' He really is and he won't get tired of admitting it.

'Yup,' Dean chuckles, guiding him towards the parking lot where Roman is already waiting. 'I'm the best catch in the world. Now follow our car, ninja dork, got a surprise for you.'

Oh really? Hopefully it's a good one. Seth could need some cheering up after still feeling uncomfortable in his own skin. 'What is it?' he asks curiously only to hear the immediate reply, 'Nope. Ya need to wait.'

That just won't do. Dean is always so good with doing these little, loving gestures but the suspense and his remorse are killing him. After a night like this he'd rather know what awaits him.

'Is it sex? I could use some mind-blowing sex.' He watches Roman's head whirl around and waves embarrassed when he sees the disapproving, exasperated expression. 'It's not,' Dean snickers, clapping his best friend on the chest in an effort to calm him, 'but I'm gonna fuck you senseless, if that's what you wish.'

Roman's moth drops open and he hisses bewildered – which only amuses Dean more –, 'Would you two stop aggressively flirting in public? Everyone can hear you.'

'Everyone just did.'

Seth's heart skips a beat and for a second he's too petrified to check who caught them in the act, but as soon as Dean starts laughing heartily, he feels safe enough to turn around.

Thankfully none other than the Undertaker is smiling down at them, shaking his head all fatherly – Seth never thought he would one day witness that, but Dean has a way of touching people's hearts. It's beautiful, to be completely honest. And it makes his friend even more unique and special than he already is.

'You can keep our secret. Great to have you back, old man.'

Taker nods and looks at the arena before he gets into his rental while muttering, 'Good to be back.' There's a hint of sadness in it; they all know time's running out for The Phenom. But he's rarely looked better than these days; at least no one is afraid anymore that the man will break down and die every second.

Seth seriously hopes he will conquer the Beast in a match that he made famous. As depressing as the thought is, but Hell In A Cell will definitely be the last time he'll step into a cage.

'The fans are coming,' Roman warns them in his strict big brother voice, nudging Seth towards his own vehicle so people won't see them together. 'If ya can't keep up, use your love mumbo jumbo to track us down. See ya, kiddo.'

There's nothing magical about it, but it's so sweet that they've given up asking how he keeps finding them even in the middle of nowhere and just accepted it, by now downright _welcome_ , as a matter of fact _count_ on it. Sometimes they make a game out of it; their own little treasure hunt. It's a huge sign of trust, a rare gift, and Seth will do everything in his power to never lose that. Not after sweating blood and tears to earn it back.

He doesn't answer because flashes of cameras blind him and he's momentarily deafened by the loud screams. Everybody wants a piece of his brothers, not the sellout, so Seth walks to his car and carelessly throws his title on the backseat. A while ago they had celebrated his two hundred day reign and now he curses the darn thing. Mostly, it only caused him trouble.

Before he can get in, a black pickup pulls up and the window scrolls down. The Undertaker is looking at him long and hard, and Seth's neck starts prickling because he's sure the man will give him an earful now. Oddly enough, all Taker says is an ominous, 'Son, your night will be a good one.'

Sure, with Dean banging his brains out it can only be, but Seth doesn't want anyone picturing them doing the dirty deeds. Oh, see what he did there?

* * *

Two hours later they're both freshly showered and finally about to forget tonight's events with lots of awesome intercourse. The lights are dimmed – apparently they don't work properly anymore, according to Dean. Seth can tell it's a lie but he doesn't mind the cozy atmosphere.

Could there be a better setting for what they're about to do? Aside from a clean room or their own beds at home, of course.

All of this goes from almost romantic to terribly awkward in zero seconds when his friend gets down on one knee in front of him.

'Dean, it looks like you're about to give me a blow job and I hate to break it to you, as good as your oral skills are, this still falls under the category sex.' As much as he yearns for some intimacy, he's equally excited to see the surprise.

His brother rolls his eyes and gives him a light punch on the belly, obviously biting back a sarcastic remark. 'Shuddup,' he grumbles, taking Seth's hand in his, tilting his head to lock gazes. 'I'm trying to propose to ya.'

'You're trying to propose to me, very funny,' Seth apes his partner before it hits him and he chokes on his own spit. His eyes and throat burn once he's done with coughing and his voice cracks when he stutters, 'You _what_?'

Dean sighs and lets himself fall on his butt, dragging Seth down with him until his head is resting in Dean's lap and he can run his fingers through the remnants of his blond patch absentmindedly.

'I mean, I can't promise you an actual wedding or kids or whatever you had in mind,' his brother starts explaining, eyes fixed on a nonexistent spot on the wall. 'But I can promise you _this_.' Dean makes a vague hand gesture that includes the two of them, _together_ , and quite frankly? That's all Seth wants.

He's about to breathe out an overwhelmed _yes_ when a plain silver ring appears in his vision, dangling at the end of of a fine, long chain. Even from his position he can see words written on the inside. Oh God, Dean bought them engraved rings.

Hold the phone.

Dean bought them engraved rings, attached to long necklaces so they can wear it underneath their clothes even during official appearances and no one will notice. How come he is the one Dean lost his heart to? No words on earth can describe how he feels right now.

'So, whaddya say, yay or nay?' Seth takes the collar in his hands and for a blissful moment he beams at the ring, pushing back the thought of the weirdest proposal ever – because somehow it's perfect and still beats his –, feeling the cold, smooth surface of their engagement ring on his skin.

Yes, yes, a million ye– 'Hey, _I_ already asked you. _You_ owe me an honest answer first.' No matter the circumstances, he's still a Hound of Justice and as such, he demands it.

Instead of finally giving him one, Dean bends down to gently brush his lips over Seth's, once more saying everything he needs to know with his actions alone.

So now it's finally formal. _They’re_ exclusive and just took the next step in their relationship. God, this feels like such an unbelievable dream come tru– 'Shall I tap your ass now?'

Against his will, Seth laughs when he sees the big smirk on Dean's face, and puts on his new pendant – he will be damned if he won't wear it during their first sex as an officially engaged couple –, while chiding his brother mockingly, 'Jeez, don't be so romantic, Romeo.'

His friend just shrugs, chuckling, 'You agreed to the whole deal. Ring's the proof. No way out anymore now.' As if he would ever let go of Dean again.


	14. at night we're conspiring by candlelight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _'And Seth? It's gonna be okay. You will recover, take a break and when you come back, you'll take over the world in no time. You're the future, Seth. I believe in you, so you should too.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this today after waking up because I think we're all sad to hear the news (though it means I'll most likely get to see Dean live next week instead of Seth), so please excuse any mistakes I might have seen if I had taken more time to edit this. But with NaNo going on and me being on a roll with the actual fic I'm writing for it, I thought I could post this now. It's not long anyway, so have some hurt/comfort and fluff XD
> 
> Also, we've officially reached chapter 60. I'm gonna die ;_;

'We leave you alone for a couple of days, in the capable hands of someone we trust, and you,' Dean mutters under his breath, the sound of footsteps and people chatting telling Seth that his brother isn't alone, meaning he can't talk like he wants to.

'I know,' he whispers back, though there is no one around to listen in on him. He's retreated to a hotel room for the night before he flies back to the States tomorrow, where a whole bunch of nothing awaits him. The prospect of being forced to have a six to nine month break is throwing him right in the arms of a full-blown depression. Seth hasn't missed a major show ever since he debuted three years ago – and God, he could beat himself until he's black and blue for missing Survivor Series because it's the single most important Pay-Per-View ever, at least for The Shield – and now he'll be reduced to watch everything on a too small television.

'No, that's not what I meant,' his brother corrects him immediately, voice suddenly very gentle. 'I was about to say, and you have to go through this all alone. If I could, I'd–' 'I know,' he repeats, tears of frustration shooting to his eyes. Dean can't just cancel the European tour and be with Seth. He couldn't even do that if they weren't a secret couple.

They have a job to fulfill and they got assigned to different cities and oh dang, he just realized how many people he's letting down. So many fans paid a lot of money to see him – don't forget the CrossFit experiences – and now they all stand there empty-handed because he was stupid enough to injure his knee.

It wasn't Kane who did it, no, it was all Seth. He can't even be angry at someone else. Things like this happen, they're part of the profession, but he never thought it would happen to him. Like a heart attack. There's always a possibility it hits you but you never expect it to since the chances are very slim.

He's lucky it was just the knee and not something along the lines of Daniel Bryan's or even Tyson's injury. His chances of coming back are way higher than theirs.

Still, right now, Seth feels like it's the end of the world. It's worse than when he turned his back on his brothers; mostly because this time he really _is_ all alone. He might have his family back but they can't help him. They'll come back from the tour in a little over a week and until then, Seth has to survive on his own somehow.

Every time one of them has been wounded, at least one of the other two Hounds were there – even after his betrayal – but now his family is together on tour and Seth is facing the most arduous time in his career with no one else to keep him company than his own reflection. And believe him, he's more than sick of that already.

'Can you tell Rome that I'm so sorry?' he asks quietly, breathing in deeply to get this out all at once. 'It's like the universe is telling us that we can't feud. Last year, he got the hernia thing and now this. I wanted to give him what he deserves–'

'Slow down, kiddo. No one's blamin' ya. An' don't worry bout that, Ro doesn't waste much thought on it either. We only care bout you, alright?' But they should. To him it feels like he found yet another way to weasel his way out of a feud that could potentially cost him his precious title.

Oh no.

No, no, no, no, _no_. He's going to have to forfeit it. Like, in this very moment. Seth will have to be the better man and do it before someone strips him of the belt in front of the whole world. This is just unfair. He fought so hard to get and keep it and now, after two hundred and twenty-one days, it's over? Just like that.

If he was going to do it, Seth wished to lose the title to someone worthy, not because he was stupid enough to botch a move he's done a million times already.

What about the Triple Threat match he wanted them to have at Wrestlemania? The last step they had to go through before they could finally reunite as The Shield. That will also not happen now. This freaking injury screws up all of his plans.

'Seth?' Dean asks hesitantly once the silence turned awkward and he lets out something between a whine and a grunt. His whole leg is throbbing, pain flaring up every time he moves it and the bandage around his knee is so tight and thick that he feels like it's crushing his bones. Yet he can't keep still; he has to crawl across the room to get to his title.

Once this conversation is over, he will call Hunter and tell him he's letting go of it, so Seth wants to spend one last night with the belt. Lying in bed, watching the stones reflect the moonlight, fooling himself into believing it's his and he'll never lose it.

First, he let John Cena take back Dean's baby and now he abandons his own. Maybe it's his fate, his special kind of punishment after his family forgave him without any true, harsh sentence.

'I'm here,' he answers slowly, finally giving in to the urge to just let all his emotions run wild, sobbing silently into the pillow. 'Where else would I be?'

'Hey, don't– Seth, please, don't. It's gonna be okay. _You_ 're gonna be fine.' No, he won't. He will wither away without his job, the fans, the heat and love, Rome, Dean. Especially Dean. He needs his family.

Seth opens his mouth to say something – anything – but no word comes out. Great. On top of everything, he's lost his will to talk too. Could this day get any worse?

'C'mon, babe, it's not– fuck,' Dean sighs, his voice suddenly far away and muffled, as if he left the phone in his duffel to go and talk with some other person. Seth pricks his ears, yet he can't make out all of it. He only catches the words _can't leave_ and _cover for_ and _appear_ _on time, I hope_.

Before his brain can connect the dots, Dean is back, murmuring, 'Don't fly home just yet, I'll be there in a few. Text me your hotel. And Seth? It's gonna be okay. You will recover, take a break and when you come back, you'll take over the world in no time. _You_ 're the future, Seth. I believe in you, so you should too.'

But what about manipulating the Authority and the Shield comeback and everything else? What about the momentum Seth had? All of that is gone now, evaporated, and no matter how soon he returns, it'll never be the same. A lot can change in six months and it might even occur that he won't be relevant in two weeks anymore.

'Hey, don't think I can't hear all the negative shit going through your mind, even if you refuse to talk t'me. Just hold on, I'll be there soon. No gloomy stuff anymore, okay? You're strong, Seth; you'll make it. If anyone can, it's you.'

The suffocating fog in his head lifts a bit and it's only now that he realizes what Dean just said. He's coming over to be with him, to help him through this tough time. His brother won't leave him alone and keeps the sacred ritual of taking care of a wounded family member alive. All that while he should be miles away and get some sleep before performing in Barcelona in the evening. But instead, he's driving over to his hotel, spend the night wide awake consoling Seth and fly to Spain right before he has to compete in the ring, just so that his whiny boyfriend won't be alone.

He loves Dean with all his heart. No one else would do that for him.

Seth should tell his friend that it's not necessary, that he will indeed be fine once he's slept a bit and is back home with Kevin, but his lips won't move. Truth be told, he's infinitely glad that Dean is already on his way, moving heaven and hell to be there for him in this awful time, and he can't lie anymore.

'Get some shuteye, kiddo. Be there soon and hey, chin up. We'll make it work, you're not alone in this.'

How can Dean always tell what's going on in Seth's head, what's troubling him the most? Even through the crackling phone line he's able to read him like an open book, though the only hints he gets from Seth are silence and more silence.

It's weird, but for a while there, he actually believes it. That together they will find a way.

But as soon as they've hung up, Seth told Hunter he's giving up his title in order to let others shine – though he didn't say that, since he still has to keep up the act of the spoiled brat – and he's by himself once more, reality comes crashing down on him.

For the first time ever, he has no plan and no matter how much he wracks his brain, he can't come up with one either. All there is, is depressing nothingness. Seth isn't someone who can just lie down and relax for more than a day or two. He needs the thrill of performing almost each night, of driving around the country and honing his ninja skills while he spends as much time with Dean and Roman as he can without anyone witnessing it.

He wasn't made for being stuck at home. A month, okay, he could somehow deal with that, but more than six? That's like a death sentence. Now he can't pull any strings backstage and needs to watch helplessly what his brothers will be up to; all his hard work from the past one and a half years went down the drain too. Everything is going to be different and there's nothing he can do about it.

Darkness is about to claim him for good when the voice of his savior stops it, gently yelling out, 'Open up, kiddo. I brought junk food. Special occasions and all.'

An honest smile appears on his face and he doesn't even mind the pain shooting through his body when he wobbles over to the door and lets Dean in, hugging his boyfriend close to the chest, intending to never let him go again, not even when his brother announces proudly that he'll replace Seth on the tour and bring honor to his name, and if it's the last thing on earth he'll do. No one gets to tell Dean Ambrose what he can and can't do.

* * *

An hour later, Seth is _laughing_.

So loud and happy that he's crying again, holding his hurting belly and aching knee. But Dean is telling this really funny story about this one night, when he was performing as Jon Moxley and everything was going wrong. Just imagining bad boy Mox dropping brick after brick is enough to let him forget the events of the night and that Dean shouldn't even be here.

He stuffs another chicken nugget into his mouth, chuckling amused when Dean's arms fly around to emphasize his words.

_This_ feels good. Normal, though it's everything but. With Dean by his side – even if it's only two or three days a week – he might be able to make it through the next eight months. Six, at most, if he has a say in this. His brother has already made plans to fly to Davenport after each RAW and back to whatever towns for Smackdown and the house shows, so they can be together as often as possible. And what's best is that they don't need to hide anything once they've closed the door behind Dean.

They won't have to meet up and sleep in shabby motels anymore, neither do they require waking up early to sneak out. Finally, they can get a real taste of what it's like if they'd live together. _Always look on the bright side of things_ ; that's the one important lesson Dean is trying to teach him right now with bags full of burgers, pizza and chicken nuggets and a very sinful milkshake.

He's out of every picture, job-wise, but so many doors opened in their relationship right now and even if he's more than just bummed about the forced break, Seth can't help but feel giddy and excited when he thinks about all the possibilities that present themself.

His fingers dart out to roam over Dean's chest, searching for the pendant that he's wearing day and night – it's like that ring and chain are already a part of his body –, grinning when he finds its counterpart hidden underneath layers upon layers of clothing. It's a different kind of anchor he needs at the moment.

Dean just smiles, resuming his silly story while taking Seth's hand into his own, stuffing his mouth without stopping his tale. It's partly gross, partly endearing and so entirely _Dean_. Maybe injuring himself isn't the end of the world and just the beginning of a new chapter in his life, another challenge he won't quit prematurely.

They squabble about their sex life – Dean is against anything physical as long as he hasn't reached the recovering phase yet while Seth demands that he's entitled to at least some foreplay – for a while, before he inquires nervously if they could spend Christmas with each other, knowing that Dean loves to celebrate it with his extended Samoan family.

His brother doesn't even need a second to consider this, smashing their lips together before exclaiming, 'Hell yeah. We all gonna purchase our new ugly sweaters and no one can stop me from wearing yours while you won't get away without wearing mine. Buy some mistletoe too. I'm all for traditions.'

And this wonderful human being is _his_ man.

'Thank you,' he breathes against Dean's mouth, closing his eyes to not start crying again. It's so peaceful right now, with the sun going up and half-eaten burgers and pizza crusts scattered all over the bed, his injury almost forgotten, that he doesn't want to ruin the moment by weeping over something that can't be changed anymore anyway.

Warm lips brush over his forehead, leaving a tender kiss there, and Seth melts in the protecting hug his brother gives him. 'Not for that, buddy. Never for being there when you need me. Hey, you still eatin' that?'


	15. #redesign #rebuild #reclaim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'You guys had _one_ job.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this directly after SS last night, which means my emotions were running high and also that it's not been edited as thoroughly as other chapters, but I wanted to have this outta my head =D To anyone who's still on board: You guys rock!

**Survivor Series  
November 22** **nd** **,** **2015**

When Dean had lost fair and square to his big brother, he'd made his way backstage even though he knew that Hunter's music could only mean trouble. But he also was convinced that Roman could handle that twat.

And he wanted to give his best friend the moment in the spotlight that he deserved for so long already.

Ro won the Royal Rumble just to have to fight for his title match at Wrestlemania against Daniel Bryan and getting fucked over by their baby brother, who snatched the title away from him. Then he was the Number One Contender, ready to tear Seth's head off when their friend managed to get injured – doing a move even Dean botched tonight –, just to be thrown at the back of the line again after refusing to sell his soul.

And now, Dean has been defeated by the man who scratched and clawed his way through the tournament with a tiny bit more passion than him. He's pissed, no doubt about that, but he is also very proud of his brother. If anyone deserves to own this company, it's Ro.

Dean initially wanted to watch the confrontation with Hunter backstage but his body demands a breather after enduring two very physical matches, so he makes his way to his stuff and looks at his phone, not even surprised that Seth has written him a million messages.

He opens the last one, feeling exhaustion take over him, and plops down to the ground, resting his head against the wall with closed eyes to take a moment for himself.

The crowd goes crazy but Dean is too tired to get up and check for the reason, so he stays where he is, squinting his eyes because he has to blink away the frustration over his loss to read the tiny letters.

_Watching Rome cry is the worst, even if those are happy tears._  
_Sorry you lost._  
 _Wish it would have been you but I'm glad that he is the one keeping her warm for- you know what? Never mind._

Never mind? What's that supposed to mean? Dean thinks that Seth needs a good smack over the head after this comment. Being away from work, not getting his brain shaken up on a daily basis has definitely affected him.

Seth doesn't send him any clarification and so he skims over the rest of the texts, smiling and frowning at the Pay-Per-View live commentary his brother provided him with. As if Dean wasn't there when it all happened.

His partner has been rooting for him – obviously – but it's crystal clear that he would never take this away from Roman either.

Several voices outside the locker room start arguing about this controversial ending and Dean strains his ears, fury bubbling up inside. There's nothing _controversial_ about Roman winning the World Heavyweight Championship. His brother reached for the stars and tonight he finally was able to grab them.

Dean would get up and bark at those idiots to shut the fuck up and get out of his hearing range if they wanna bash his best friend, but then he hears it too. Sheamus' music.

_No_.

He didn't dare to cash in. Nor did he dare to take everything away from Roman. Dean is gonna kill someone – very pale and with stupid, French-braided hair – if his brother won't walk into this room with the title in his hands.

That Irish jerkface didn't steal Ro's moment. Not tonight. Not again.

His phone vibrates and Seth ends his silence, writing the words that cause Dean's heart to sink. So it is true. And he wasn't out there to help him, to prevent this atrocity from happening. Roman won and lost everything in the span of what, five minutes?

_You better make sure to do everything in your power to cheer him up. He's crying, and not the good kind.  
Hey, how many years do you think I would get for murder? And would you break me out of prison?_

He'd grin if the reality wouldn't sink in at that moment. Roman's biggest dream came true and he was looking forward to have a title run he could be proud of, but now it's all over before it even began.

Sure, he can call himself former WWE champion but fuck that. No one wants to be champ for only two minutes. That is not why they all bust their asses day and night, why they don't mind coughing up blood and wrestle even with injuries. Each of them would die for their dream and to watch it get ripped away from you just a moment after you finally managed to achieve it, _that_ must be the worst feeling in the whole wide world.

_Never_ , he types back grumpily, heaving himself up into a standing position again to be ready to comfort his brother once he's back.

_You have to get me outta jail because I swear to god Imma kill that bastard_

Seth staying quiet speaks more than a thousand words. So does Roman's face when he opens the door as soundlessly as he can, slipping into the room as if he doesn't want anyone to see him. Dean wishes his brother would hold his head high, would say that he's gonna come after Sheamus starting right now until he gets what he deserves, however, Dean can understand that Roman needs a few minutes to gather his thoughts, to retrieve his will to fight again.

This sure ain't easy for him.

There's a sharp pain in his chest when he sees the red-rimmed eyes of his best friend and something inside of him breaks as Dean wordlessly pulls Roman close to hug him, giving him yet another kiss on the top of his hair.

No words could ever make this right, no amount of love will fix what happened tonight. The only thing Roman can do is pick himself up and emerge stronger than before, kicking Sheamus' ass into the next millennium. If he won't do it, Dean will gladly offer his help.

He knows his brother, Ro won't give up that easily. He will pursue his lost title, his shattered dream until he can rightfully call it his. Maybe his friend will just snap, being done with playing Mr Nice Guy for fans that don't appreciate his sacrifices. Dean would love to watch his big brother destroy everyone in this arena show after show, giving people a real reason to hate on him.

Tonight though, the strong and indestructible side of Roman gets a well-deserved rest. He doesn't have to fake anything around Dean; he knows his brother inside out.

Roman doesn't shed more tears though his eyes stay dark red for the rest of the night. Neither does he make a fuss about tonight's events. All he does is shower quickly to retreat into bed and hide under the covers like a hurt, lost boy until Dean joins him, having given up his attempts to lighten the mood with beers, fist fights and murder fantasies. Once Dean has settled, Ro snuggles up to him, arms and legs sprawled all over him, forehead resting against his chest.

If Roman wants to hide from the world and cuddle to feel better until he's come up with a new game plan, then Dean won't deny him the affection his brother so desperately needs.

Watching two of his co-workers cash in on his matches must be so discouraging. And Sheamus? Of all damn people on that roster it had to be him? Dean can't imagine anyone worse. What is Hunter even supposed to do with him? It's not like the guy could fill Seth's shoes.

Fuck. They'll have to listen to another motherfucking sleep-inducing, stupid sounding promo tomorrow. Roman should handcuff Dean to a pipe, so he won't storm to the ring and throttle that dream stealer himself.

What's even worse is that Roman should have been the one winning Money in the Bank. Damn, his past year hasn't been the best either but Dean never – not a single time – heard any complaint from his brother. All he did was take it to heart and work even harder. Just to come up short; like Dean. They haven't exactly covered themselves in glory.

He thought Seth's injury was a curse for him but a blessing for everyone else, especially Dean and Roman. Looks like he was fucking wrong once more.

Speaking of Seth, their baby brother doesn't text either of them, waiting for his family to calm the storm all by themselves, though Dean is dead sure he's on pins and needles at home, glaring at his phone as if that would help. He must feel as useless as Dean right now, just with the addition that he's hundreds of miles away, unable to repair a mess that he'll blame himself for.

Dean simply lies there, for once being the silent safe haven, the loving protector Ro usually is, running his fingers through the black hair to prevent himself from dozing off. He wants to be there for his brother and drifting off to lalaland wouldn't be something he could ever forgive himself for.

Not after he foolishly thought they were protected from Sheamus cashing in after he competed in that Elimination Match. Another proof of his stupidity.

It's only when Ro's heavy breathing hits his ears and he can feel his brother relax in his arms that Dean allows himself some shuteye too. Just another shitty night to add to the pile of crap they've already gone through together.

Tomorrow – or rather today – they will get up because that's what they do, what they've always done, and fight again. Grimly determined and merciless until their bloodlust is satisfied. Now though they can be Dean and Roman, escaping reality for as long as possible. Or rather, required.

Setbacks happen. The important thing is that you get up once more, wipe the dust off your clothes and move on. New day, new target and new shenanigans. Roman's time will come and his first real title reign will let Seth's pale in comparison.

He has to smile at that thought, humming lowly before a fuzzy feeling takes hold of him and he falls asleep, guarding his brother even in his dreams.

* * *

**Tuesday, November 24th, 2015  
04:27 am**

'You're back,' Seth mumbles sleepily, yawning heartily before a grin spreads across his face when Dean kisses him on the cheek.

'Yeah,' he replies, ruffling through Kevin's fur and taking off his clothes. Dean promised to be there for Seth during his recovery and once he was sure that Ro's broken heart was glued back together enough for him to be fine with spending the next few days apart, he left his best friend in the good care of his daughter and wife to fly home, finally able to take a moment and realize that he failed to win a title yet _again_.

At this point it feels as if he'll never be champion a second time. Not that this'll stop him from trying until the day he dies but sometimes he asks himself why he's still running against brick walls. Why he strives to prove that all those people in his past were wrong when they called him a fuck-up and ne'er-do-well. He'll never amount to anything because there'll always be someone who's better than him.

One day, he _will_ show everyone his worth. For now, he's happy with Seth and Ro knowing the real him, the changed him.

'How's Rome?' Seth whispers, rubbing over his eyes tiredly. Dean puts on a wifebeater and PJs, crawling under the covers cautiously to not kick the dog off the bed.

'Better, refocused. Things like that can't keep him down. Never thought we could have a champ I'd despise more than you,' he jokes half-heartedly, since he really can't look up to Sheamus or take him serious.

His friend snickers, murmuring, 'Jealousy does not suit you, Dean.' He chooses not to give a reply and instead uses Seth as the little spoon, pressing his cheek against his partner's neck.

'Rome deserved better.' Yeah, no shit. Wasn't supposed to be though, not yet anyway. But Ro wouldn't be a true Hound if things like that would make him quit. His brother has tasted blood, has set his sight on the title and nothing will stop him. All he needs is to spend some time with his loved ones to recharge his batteries.

That's also why Dean is here. Promise or not, at the end of the day, Dean can't find any real rest unless he's with Seth. Yeah, his body can sleep and relax, but his soul and mind are wired up until he can drink in all that is Seth.

'Ya can be glad he's not out to kick _your_ ass. Man, he's dead set on ripping everyone who wronged him apart,' he chuckles, hand sneaking around Seth's waist to keep him close. The muscles beneath his skin tense in trepidation and his baby brother groans pitifully. 'But I wronged him too.'

Exactly. It's gonna be a sight for sore eyes when these two finally feud and Dean will sit back, enjoying every second. Maybe he'll get some popcorn too. Until then, he'll help Seth come back and join Ro on his mission to tear down the company, his main focus being the Authority.

'Don't fret,' he teases his dumbo, 'I'll make sure he leaves something for me to destroy too.' Hitting your own family in the ring is painful at times but the matches are pretty fun. He gets why Kane and Taker turned on each other so many times, just to beat the living shit out of the other and make up, saving the next beat down for another petty disagreement.

Seth chooses not to answer but Dean knows that he's rolling his eyes, ending this particular conversation. He couldn't care less; there's nothing left to be said about his match with Ro or their brother's emotional state. All three of them are fighters, can take beatings like no other – though Dean would go so far as to say he, judging by the types of matches he survived as Jon Moxley, is better than his brothers in that aspect –; something like this might cause them to stumble, maybe even trip and fall, but it's not enough to keep them down.

Dean is ready to stay unconscious until SmackDown, content with just being back home with his favorite puppy – and Seth – as well as being away from everything. He can truly come to rest at home, now that his baby brother has to face the long road of, what does he call it?, rejoice, reset, redo. Nah, as if he could ever forget the words _redesign, rebuild, reclaim_ again. They're etched in his memory, also thanks to Seth mumbling them every time he collapses exhausted on the bed. They're helping him stay focused through all of this.

Whoever came up with the slogan, Dean is eternally grateful for it. Whenever Seth is about to succumb to frustration or defeat, those words give him back his fighting spirit, spurring him on to be better, faster, stronger than the rest of the ragtag and bobtail. They're all Dean needs to say when he catches Seth staring into space with his _why am I even doing this? I'll never recover_ gaze.

His friend blows out some air, letting a sound follow that's stuck between wanting to be teasing and cute or just short of pissed off. Dean likes to call that blissed off, since there's nothing more adorable than Alexa Bliss being mad and she kinda reminds him of his own buffoon during one of his temper tantrums. Plus, it elicits the most hilarious reactions out of Seth.

As much as he loves to bicker and banter, Dean is really beat. A little sleep would be hella appreciated. When Seth utters his final words for tonight, wisely not expecting a response, he has to grin, his amusement soon turning into a mixture of sleep-deprived hysteria and gleeful guilt. It's too confusing to get to the bottom of it but also, for some odd reason, too funny to stop laughing about it.

It's probably Seth's tone when he gripes sullenly, 'You know I'm super mad at both of you for letting that stupid looking person win my baby. You guys had _one_ job.'


	16. and nothing is obvious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _'Kiddo's a real keeper; you two better not ruin this.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a long, unplanned hiatus, here some more stuff from me. What can I say, I tried? Oh, and in case someone wants the original link to the video mentioned in here, you know where to find me. ~~Yes, I share porn XD.~~

**Tables Ladders Chairs  
December 13th, 2015  
02:11 am**

He's just about to slip into his pajamas when the phone on the table starts ringing. Roman is tempted to let it lie there but he knows that tune all too well and Seth won't like being ignored. Not after Dean finally managed to snatch the prize and their baby brother is dying to talk to his boyfriend. Or, fiancé. Those two, adorable idiots.

So Roman picks up, even though this is Dean's phone, looking right at his brother's bearded features. Facetime call it is then. They exchange some pleasantries but Seth doesn't take long until he asks predictably, 'Where is Dean?' He surely wasn't planning on chatting with Roman first, so he's forgetting his manners, as it would seem.

Not that he minds though; Seth is always the first thought Dean has after waking up and the last before falling asleep. Roman knows that feeling all too well, so he only smiles, sure that his friend won't ignore what happened to him tonight for long.

'Outside,' he nods towards the door Seth can't even see, sitting down on the edge of the bed closest to the heating. His brother squints his eyes irritated, muttering haltingly, 'What is he doing outside?'

Ah, that's a good one. 'Oh, ya know, I threw him out till he was done with his celebration.'

The grin on Seth's face turns upside down for a second but then he remembers that Roman can see all of his reactions, so he clears his throat and grits out, 'You _banned_ him? I'm surprised you didn't _bang_ him.'

Yeah, Seth definitely didn't get this whole Facetime thing yet. And even if he couldn't look right at his brother, Roman'd still be able to tell that _that_ was anything but not funny. 'You do realize that when you attempt at making a joke, it does have to sound like one 'n not as if you're goin' to kill me on Tuesday.'

He decided to join Dean – who hasn't had a chance to go back home in almost two weeks – to visit Seth, seeing for himself that everything's fine and that Dean is more than able to handle this added stress. Cause it's showing; their brother has lost a lot of weight and is more edgy than ever off camera, but at the same time he's also strangely calmer and more responsible than anyone thought him capable of. If he continues to grow that much as a person, Roman will soon be out of his big bro job and he can't have that.

Seth rolls his eyes demonstratively and composes himself, the jealousy fading away quickly. No need to still believe that Roman would try to drive a wedge between them. No force could ever do that. 'Okay, once more, why did you throw him out?'

Honestly, it _was_ cute to watch Dean letting out his inner kid, but Roman wasn't exactly in the mood to deal with all the joy till he got a shower to wash his anger and hatred off, which is why he put some distance between them by ushering Dean out of the room.

Roman grins lopsidedly, shrugging, 'He was jumping around in circles, doing victory dance after victory dance, yelling whatever – it's all a blur to me. Point is, he was _really_ excited. Which he's totally allowed to be. Just not when he constantly tramps on my toes.'

Seth smiles fondly at that and there's a slight stab in his chest, making him feel guilty for some reason. The sentiment's gone with the next heartbeat and instead he drinks in the warmth his little brother unintentionally radiates whenever he thinks about Dean being Dean. God knows, they didn't get to experience that in a while.

'So I said, if he wants to play with his ugly belt, he's gotta do it in the parking lot. That way he ain't my problem.'

They both laugh amused, but soon the sound gets stuck in his throat. What if his actions don't just have consequences for him? He shouldn't've lost his cool like that. Roman can only hope that this time the Authority won't find a bullshit way to take the title away from Dean again, just cause Roman made a mistake. A justified one, but a mistake nonetheless.

Funnily enough, back then it was also Sheamus who got Dean's baby. It's always that guy screwing up their plans. Only now he has his chaps, or how Dean calls them, the League of Dicks, backing him up.

Roman's sure, if he'd just get one more chance, he'd win the World Heavyweight Championship. Maybe, by some miracle, tomorrow on RAW. He'd bring it home for his daughter, as a special gift for her birthday. He knows he can do it; given a fair chance.

A faint chuckling jerks him out of his thoughts and he blinks confused when Seth requests, 'Can I see it?' For a while he has no idea what they were talking about just a minute ago but then he remembers. Dean being adorkable.

'Sure, hang on,' he winks at his brother before walking over to the door and opening it, holding the phone towards Dean and his limping cousins who dance around their rental like newborn deers, unable to stand on their feet for more than two seconds. It's been a hard night for all of them but they'd never miss a chance to celebrate Dean's long overdue title win. They're incredibly proud of their uce.

A few minutes neither of them says a thing and Roman doesn't peek at the phone, giving Seth some privacy to enjoy this moment in all its glory.

'Looks like he is having a good time,' his baby brother breaks the silence, the tender gaze melting Roman's heart. It's a shame, really. Seth should be here with them, but first he went astray 'n now he's injured. Those two deserve to spend as much time as possible together. If only they wouldn't've to hide anymore.

He'll be damned though should he let Seth's hoarse tone pass unnoticed. 'Sounds like you got a major boner and would love to get laid by a champ.' His little brother coughs awkwardly, changing the subject completely. Ah, as if he couldn't see right through that. But he'll come back to this topic later, since there's still something Roman would like to address.

'So, my angry Samoan friend, seems like you finally had enough,' Seth praises him, sounding hella delighted. Roman can't stop himself from grinning too, sitting back on the bed to sip Dean's victory beer – that his brother never even touched; how weird –, justifying himself, 'I'm done with people walking all over me.'

To his surprise Seth's eyes stay warm and affectionate when he cocks his head and softly says, 'Was about time, wasn't it?' Of course Seth is the one who's most happy about this. Cause it means Roman is one step away from turning full-on heel.

But their clever brother forgot one thing. He wants Roman to turn, so he can have Dean to himself once he comes back. Thing is though, Dean – even if he continues to be a tweener – couldn't care less about heel or face, as long as no one betrays him. Stab him in the back and he's your number one enemy. If Roman refuses to go against his best friend, they can continue traveling together and all that.

Sure, they'll have to have a serious talk now, once Dean comes off his high, to decide if their paths are still the same. Should Roman miraculously not get fired for attacking daddy, he needs to know if Dean will be by his side or if they're done on-screen for now.

He will face the Authority, Hunter, the League of Nations on his own, if he must – after all, his slogan's _One Versus All_ – but he kinda enjoyed standing in the ring with his family. Though it made him miss Seth even more. Dean too.

His friend shows none of it in the squared circle, but as soon as they get backstage, no cameras pointed at them, his mask slips and Dean's mind retreats to a place Roman can't follow, worry and sadness darkening his eyes. Seth was really disappointed when he saw his brothers forming yet another stable, without him at that, and Roman hated himself for dragging Dean into his mess after seeing how torn he was between not hurting his boyfriend and supporting his best friend.

Neither Jimmy nor Jey suspect anything, cause Dean's always acting as if nothing's amiss around them and they're still in the dark about the secret the three former Hounds hide from the world, but it's weighing heavily on him. Telling lies comes natural to Dean; lying to his true family though is probably the worst punishment he can imagine.

That's also why Dean hasn't seen Jojo for so long. He'd break if she'd ask him why Seth can't be with them. Roman's barely able to keep quiet about it, though it's also quite easy cause he doesn't want to unnecessarily complicate her life. One day, she'll be able to hug Seth again without ever knowing about their double life.

His daughter never gave up on Seth anyway, which is astonishing on its own, so there's no need to confuse or hurt her with the truth. Besides, ain't his secret to tell. But he's sure Jojo'll freak out when she sees Dean and Seth kiss for the first time. She's always loved the idea of the two of them _gettin' it on_.

'You wouldn't go after Trips,' he picks up the conversation, 'so I thought a second Spear couldn't hurt.' And it felt so damn good to do it, to just let it all out and attack the one person that's responsible for most of their problems.

Seth snickers and helps Kevin on his lap, holding him up with one hand, so Roman can wave at the dog Dean got him as a present. Their own little baby to take care of and they're doing a pretty good job of it.

'I talked to Stephanie earlier,' his brother shares matter-of-factly. 'She was beside herself, screaming in my ear all the time, switching back and forth between cursing you and yelling at the doctors to tell her her husband is alright. Jeez, when you snap, you really go totally berserk. It was such a beautiful thing to witness. A bit scary though.'

Oh please. That's all Seth The Sellout ever wanted. 'Ya called it all these months ago, didn't ya?' There's a shy smile directed at him and Seth tends to his dog for a while, muttering bashfully, 'Bruce Banner is still one of the most humble and gentle people.'

Now it's his turn to roll his eyes at Seth and his dumb comic references. This ain't some fantasy book, it's reality. As much as Seth thinks he'd be Tony Stark while he claims that Dean is a perfect combination of Captain America and the Winter Soldier, they're not heroes. They're just three guys, trying to make it in a competitive, manipulative world.

'I'm kind of glad you didn't unleash all of that on me,' Seth mumbles, lost in thoughts, still petting Kevin. 'Would've been you though,' Roman breaks it to his friend, taking the first deep breath since TLC ended. He's finally calmed down, which means he's also ready to join Dean's party outside. Sulking time's over. He'll tear down the arena tomorrow, taking out as many people as necessary to get what he deserves, what he worked so hard for. Roman's done being Mr Nice Guy.

'I know,' Seth breathes relieved. 'Lucky me.' Lucky him indeed. Maybe Hunter can show him his battle wounds though, so Seth will get the picture.

In a moment of companionable silence, Roman can hear Dean and his cousins sing loudly outside, as well as some other wrestlers staying here shouting that they should – for the love of everything that's holy – shut up already, which naturally results in them roaring even louder. Dean won't stop anytime soon; not after he got himself the best belated birthday present ever. Speaking of. He promised he'd come back to this.

'Hey, you remember the thing you sent Dee last week?' It's a rhetorical question but it's still pretty hilarious to see Seth blush and stutter helplessly, 'O-of course. H-how do you know though? Don't tell me he showed you.'

'No,' he shakes his head, feeling a headache forming at the back of his head. It's the typical _my brothers are a pain in the ass_ one he gets when dealing with their shenanigans. 'No, he didn't.' Though they both know, under normal circumstances, Dean totally would've. Just, this time, he didn't need to. 'You accidentally sent it to me 'n I opened it, thinking it was some kinda message for me.'

Seth blanches in the fraction of a second, perfectly blending in with the white wall behind him and Roman tries his hardest to not burst out laughing. That one tiny mistake made his entire, fucked up year.

'Dean didn't mention it. No, of course he didn't. Don't say another word,' his baby brother begs mortified, already looking a bit green around the nose. As if Roman would back off now. Seth knows him better than that. 'Never imagined Dean was such a sucker for touch deprivation.'

A groan fills the room and his friend laments another time, 'Rome, please.' But it's just gettin' really funny. No way he'll miss out on a chance to mock Seth. Heaven knows, they need some light times these days.

'Pretty interesting kink,' he drawls, smirk firmly in place, the beer bottle half empty already. How he longs for Dean to be in the room right now, listening to Seth's embarrassed, flustered attempts at cutting this short. 'Rome, stop.'

Yeah, he'd like that. It's too much fun to tease his baby bother though. If he can't get a proper feud – after all, it seems like it's just not supposed to happen – he at least can do this. 'Nice briefs you wore there.'

'Oh God,' Seth moans, covering his face with his hands. 'Tell me you didn't see the whole video.' Oh, how he wishes curiosity wouldn't've gotten the better of him. 'Afraid I can't do that.'

' _Oh God_.'

It's not the same without Seth being with them, but this'll do. Has to. Tuesday, before he'll fly to his baby girl to finally celebrate her birthday, he'll give Seth some more hell, cause that's what big brothers do too. Dean sure would approve of it. It's also his favorite pastime. 'Don't you two bone each other enough?'

' _Rome_.'

What? It's a perfectly reasonable question if Seth’s so horny that he sends Dean some kinda sex tape of himself masturbating without his hands, cumming in his boxer briefs for his birthday. And his best friend _never_ talks about this part of their relationship – just about what they did or didn't do; the rated PG, mostly uninteresting couple stuff –, not even to shock or prank Roman, so Seth is the only reliable source he has. 'No sex for Sethie boy then?'

'Show me Dean once more,' his lil brother demands, wanting to make sure his lover's out of hearing range before he dishes the dirt. Fine, Dean's still outside, dancing in the parking lot with his limping cousins, some other wrestlers having joined them by now.

Roman can make out Becky's bright, orange hair – poor girl's getting fooled by her friend too but hopefully she'll have a chance at payback soon – and the whole Team BAD. Of course Naomi wouldn't let her husband party alone.

After Seth's satisfied, Roman raises his eyebrows expectantly, taking another swig of Dean's beer. It's not like his brother'll empty it tonight. But he'll be damned if he won't force a sandwich down the other's throat for breakfast. Now that he thinks about it, he hasn't seen Dean eat in ages and there's no way he'll neglect his brotherly duties anymore.

Seth huffs loudly and his big Bambi eyes beg him to not ask any more questions but Roman simply wiggles his brows, now impatiently. He genuinely wants to know how his family is doing and if their relationship is coming along just fine.

It's a bummer that Dean got so secretive and tight-lipped and also a big – slightly disappointing – surprise. Seth sending his unique jacking off session to the wrong number is a curse and a blessing at the same time. It allows Roman to squeeze himself into their strong bond for just enough time to step away reassured again.

'We do have frequent intercourse, if that is what you are interested in.' Ah, sounds pretty sour to him. 'Okay, Grumpy Cat, gimme the _but_ already. I hear there's one coming.'

His friend heaves a long-suffering sigh and Roman needs to bite on his cheek to not make a single sound. Seth can be such a child; at times he even reminds him of Jojo.

' _But_ not as often as one would expect.' As one would expect? What fantasy does Seth have, that Roman believes they're like bunnies? The novelty of that sure has worn off already.

'Ya mean, not as often as you need to get off?' he clarifies, aiming for a cheerful tone but ending up mocking his brother again.

Seth growls angrily, hissing desperately, 'Roman, please. This is serious.' Is it now? He barely can contain the laughter bubbling up at that cause it's kinda funny Seth can't see the bigger picture here. So much for being the smart one. It's just like when Roman had to tell him that Dean's indeed in love with him. Good to see he's still needed for some things.

'Seth, come on,' he urges his friend fatherly, 'use your brain. He ain't Mox anymore. Ya really have no clue why he doesn't need to screw you every time you two see each other?' It's not like he really has any idea why Dean's all for sex that actually means something – like he said, his brother stopped talking about that part of their relationship – but he can perfectly imagine the reason, since his best friend is a _from one extreme to the other_ kinda guy and refuses to do things the normal way.

Dean's turned into such a softie, thanks to Seth. To be quite honest, he never thought that'd one day be the case. Dean just seemed too wild to ever willingly give up his lifestyle. Seems like he found the right reason to do so though.

The kiddo stays silent and frowns, thinking hard about his words. Roman can watch Seth getting awfully close to having an epiphany but ultimately, he just shakes his head, muttering crestfallen, 'All I can come up is that he doesn't want it and I would rather not think about the reasons for that. Like, I am not attractive to him anymore or that he stopped loving me like he did. Rome, help me.'

He'll gladly do that cause Seth is on the completely wrong track. Why won't he use his smart wits when it's about Dean? 'No, idiot features. He's still hopelessly in love with you. Look at his life. He once used to think of sex as purely fun and a convenient way to pass time. It wasn't intimate. Nor did it ever mean a thing to him.'

At least that's what Roman thinks. Sounds perfectly understandable to him and judging by Seth's face lighting up, as well as the overjoyed bouncing on the other end of the call, his baby brother can live with that explanation too. 'Get it now?'

'For the sole purpose of being sure, you want to tell me, he prefers lying in bed next to me than sleep with me because he loves me and being with me so profoundly?' Yeah, that's pretty much his opinion on this matter. Just that he didn't sound like the Queen when he said it.

Roman listens to the singing outside – they now started to do their best, or worst, versions of some entrance songs, currently rapping his cousins' one –, thinking about the broken, aggressive Dean he befriended in FCW and the Dean that understood that both his brothers fight for his attention and found a way to give them what they desire. 'He's changed, huh?'

And only to the better. Out of the three of them, Dean has made the most progress. He's come a long way and he sure ain't done yet.

Seth nods happily, giving Kevin a peck on the head as well as an Eskimo kiss. Dean loves to have those with their baby brother, as Roman was privileged to bear witness to on countless occasions already. 'You're good for him.'

'He also has a huge influence on me,' Seth reminds him immediately, wanting to give Dean some credit too. Fact is, they're both each other's soulmate, the yin to their yang, the better half and they'll continue to mature together.

'Alright, lover boy, want me to fetch him for you?' he snickers, feeling that it's time to reunite the couple. Dean's probably wondering why Seth hasn't tried to contact him yet. He's surely not even realized that he left his phone inside. And nothing spoils a celebration like thinking your boyfriend forgot all about you.

Seth though gently shakes his head, the loose hair falling softly on his shoulders. Roman'll never forget how Dean's been moping for a whole day when their baby brother admitted that he got rid of the blond patch; seeing the dark strands framing Seth's face for the first time he kinda gets why Dean still gets all snappy and sullen when someone mentions the former dye job.

'No, he looked so at ease just now. Let him have his fun. But you will tell him I called, right?' What kinda brother would he be if he wouldn't? 'Just like I showed him my phone with your sex tape 'n we watched the thing together before I forwarded it to him.'

To his delight, Seth blushes furiously, ordering sternly, 'Rome, seriously, stop.' Nah, not when he still has some shots to fire. He could milk that forever.

'Oh, but he liked it. Should've seen his face.' Roman's caught Dean being aroused quite often in the past four years but when he saw Seth's birthday present, he got all quiet and feral grin-like, looking positively proud. It wasn't the usual _I'm about to get a boner someone needs to take care of and it sure ain't me_ , but it was enough to signal him that he should go for a long walk.

'Rome, I swear–' 'Locked himself in the bathroom with my phone.' That's not entirely true, but Seth's mortification is priceless and it's close enough to what really happened.

'I will end this call now,' Seth attempts to threaten him – as if he'd ever intimidate Roman –, eyes as huge as golf balls, lips pressed together to a thin line. Someone's about to lose his shit, so he's gotta have the last word. Or at least put the last nail in the coffin that is Seth's self-control.

'Got it back all sticky.' That his friend doesn't put his fingers in his ears is little short of a miracle. Instead Seth all but screams, ' _Bye_.' And the call's over. That was fun. He could do that all day long.

Chuckling, Roman puts the phone away to slip into his shoes and coat and grab Dean's leather jacket, joining the party outside after making sure Dean won't get sick in the cold.

It's a nice little get-together, friends and family alike showing Dean some much needed love, helping him forget that Seth can't be here during one of the most important times of his career. Roman chooses a moment when no one's paying attention to them – because they're all focused on Becky and his cousins teaching her the Samoan war dance after she showed them some of her own moves – to whisper into his brother's ear, 'Kiddo's a real keeper; you two better not ruin this.'

Dean jerks his head around, blue eyes shining brightly even in the dark night. His friend laughs lightly, a tad surprised when he murmurs back, 'Not on my bucket list.' Yeah, if there's one thing Roman's sure of it's that. Dean won't sabotage his own life anymore. Nevertheless, Roman had to say it.

'I'll tell him too.' Just to be on the safe side. He really wants this to work out.

His best friend stops moving, expression going serious. 'He won't either.'

Dean's unwavering faith is still baffling him every time he gets to see it. His brother doesn't just believe in Seth and their shared future but also in Roman and the path of destruction they'll leave behind as Intercontinental and World Heavyweight Champions. Dean's vision, the _statement_ , isn't just some fantasy to him and that was also the first thing he told him in gorilla earlier. For a guy who never got kissed by luck, Dean sure learned to hope for happy endings. Possibly also thanks to their lil pup.

It's satisfying to be blessed with the biggest grin on Dean's face Roman has ever seen, warming him from the inside. This ain't the title win still pumping through Dean's veins, making him lightheaded and giddy. It's the bond he shares with Seth – the one that's becoming stronger with each day – keeping him alive and going.

Their future might be written in the stars but Roman can feel it in his bones that Dean and Seth were meant to be together and he'll do everything in his power to make sure nothing will ever separate them again. Seems like he still got one particular job to do.


	17. encore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _'You sure bout this? After all, it's Seth. Biggest dork on earth.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY SHIELD BETRAYAL ANNIVERSARY!
> 
> I'll keep it short, just **please, pretty please, read the notes at the end afterwards**.

**June 2** **nd** **, 2016  
1:11 am**

It wasn't unexpected but still disappointing when Seth woke up on his birthday and Dean was nowhere to be seen. Only Kevin had been snoring lightly, sleeping on the empty side of the bed as if to fill in for the missing person.

Seth had insisted on Dean not stressing himself even more – after the cage match he had wanted his brother to take it slow and concentrate on the house shows instead of rushing back from freaking Canada before flying to Wisconsin just so he could congratulate Seth.

It had been _his_ request and yet he couldn't help but feel sad for being all alone on his special day. Somehow he had nourished the hope that Dean would once again pull another ace out of his sleeve and manage to be in two places at the same time. Seth has a very high opinion of his fiancé, which might be a bit unhealthy.

As it turned out, Dean _did_ pull off another stunt – his biggest one so far; Seth just didn't realize it until the very end. To be fair though, his friend didn't give him a lot of good clues, only irritating Seth with his mysterious demeanor that further gained momentum on the night of Extreme Rules.

Seth had told them he was cleared to come back and ready to take care of the unfinished business with Roman – and quite frankly, he wanted to hold his baby in his hands again; the title, not Dean –, so they agreed on that Pay-Per-View. Mostly to show AJ Styles who is the real boss in the ring and that he should let go of his title ambitions. With Seth around, no one gets another shot. Oh, and no one will hurt his family, of course.

So when he was standing backstage, Seth had waited for Dean to finish his painfully to watch match, too engrossed to pay attention to anything else happening around him. If he wouldn't have had to keep up his game face, Seth would have publicly despaired because Dean was as reckless as ever, throwing caution in the wind, even though Seth had begged him to not, under no circumstances, use thumbtacks.

As Dean was walking past him – alive, mostly unharmed and so full of himself – he waited for the signal, which his friend revealed to him after the Wizard World Convention in Des Moines. Yes, Seth couldn't resist to go there, just to spend some quality time with Dean, which earned him a whack on the head by Roman because they didn't even try to keep it low.

The signal was so typically Dean and also exactly what Seth had been missing these past months. When he got hit with a right forearm Seth didn't duck, although he knew it was coming. All he did was take Dean's hand into his own to snatch the tiny envelope out of it. Instead of just sending it to their home in Davenport or handing it to him during the rare occasions he managed to come back to Iowa like any normal person would have done, Dean had to make things unnecessarily complicated.

Unfortunately, the thing was sealed, his brother's handwriting all over it, warning him to not open it until his birthday. All this meticulously planned fuss and Seth still had to wait almost another week? He couldn't believe it.

Needless to mention, he did not listen. Dean wasn't there to see it, so he thought he could open the letter anyway, get a sneak peek to appease his hunger. Patience was never Seth's strong suit, so he couldn't understand how Dean expected him to hold out until his birthday.

No one heard the frustrated scream bouncing off the insides of his rental when he read the note. It shouldn't surprise him anymore but every time Dean proves to be smarter and craftier than Seth, he gets mad. Not at Dean but at himself. His boyfriend knew very well Seth wouldn't behave, so the only present in the envelope was a torn piece of paper, saying _Told ya not to open it, dumbo. Now suck it up till Saturday._

So, with no other option left, Seth waited half angry, half out of his mind for his special day to roll around, only to wake up alone and to find another one of Dean's letters in his mailbox. It took him a while to rip it open, mostly because he was pouting like a nine-year-old, but ultimately, his curiosity won.

This time it read _Come to our motel after SD on June 2_ _nd_ _; you'll know the place when you see it. Don't freak out, you'll get your gift there. Wear a tux. Happy 30_ _th_ _birthday, Biebs. Welcome to the club of grown men. Glad you're back with us. Whip Ro's ass for me. D._

'A suit?' Seth had asked Kevin at least a dozen times that day, never getting an answer from his beloved dog. Other than his puppy eyes that begged for another treat. A suit could only mean that Dean had planned for them to have some fancy dinner in a run-down, shabby motel with a special, heartbreaking surprise in store for Seth since he asked to see him on the worst day in the Shield history.

Never ever was he prepared for what really awaited him in his brothers' motel room. Which, oddly enough, is room number 02. Uh-oh. Seth can be glad if he makes it out of this in one piece. Maybe Dean wanted him to wear a tuxedo so he'd already be properly dressed for his funeral.

First of all, there is no food on the table, like he thought. Neither are there candles or rose petals on the bed or whatever romantic thing Seth had imagined, and there is also no trace of a wrapped birthday present.

The moment Seth's eyes fall on Dean, all of that doesn't matter anymore. There he is, standing right in front of him, being a natty dresser just like him. His brother's Hall of Fame outfit was nothing compared to the expensive looking suit Dean is wearing now, including a waistcoat and a perfectly knotted tie. Totally dressed to kill. Looking like this, his brother could easily model for Abercrombie & Fitch. Though, then again, Seth doesn't like to share.

The dead silence is getting awkward really fast, so Seth chuckles helplessly, trying hard not to think about the bruised body hiding beneath all that fabric. What is Dean's angle tonight?

'I can't imagine Tyra Banks would have a picture for you,' he jokes; a futile attempt to laugh away his own uncertainty. But it is always suspicious if Dean goes out of his way – especially on _this_ day –, and looking like this, not even hiding his eyes behind a pair of sunglasses, frightens Seth more than he wants to admit.

Alright, fine, it scares him to death. A year ago, in the Undertaker's home, Dean was talking about breaking up and all, so maybe he finally has had enough of Seth and thought about dumping him while sporting an outfit that usually hints at a marriage proposal. One never knows with an Ambrose.

'Don't need one,' his fiancé replies casually, running a hand through his extra curly hair, finally stepping closer to drag Seth into the room and shut the door behind them. His friend hums lowly while eyeing him up and down, nodding kind of lost in his own thoughts before declaring solemnly, 'Happy Birthday, Black Canary. Was hoping you'd show up in white but we can't have everything.'

And with that – will the nicknames ever stop? Does he even want that? – Dean kisses him while pulling Seth into a tight hug, not letting go of him for what feels like a blissful eternity. Aw, someone missed him. He could have visited him at home some more to prevent that, but hey. No complaints tonight.

It definitely is awesome to be back on the road with his family again. At least until the Smackdown draw will most likely separate them again. They can worry about that when the time comes though; for now, Seth just lives in the moment, enjoying every second he can spend with his brothers.

After a while of sniffing the skin behind Dean's ear, Seth remembers their weird outfits and his promised present but he has no time to answer or ask anything because Roman chooses that very moment to emerge out of the bathroom, also showing off a brand new, pitch black suit.

Okay, what is going on here? 'Are we the poor version of Three Men in a Boat now?' he attempts to horse around once more, his voice cracking out of sheer nervousness. And why is no one praising him for making random fandom references?

Roman completely ignores his question and cocks his eyebrows, mumbling towards Dean – who is still clinging to Seth as if he is going to turn into thin air should he let go for just one second –, 'You sure bout this? After all, it's _Seth_. Biggest dork on earth.' Hello? He is still standing here, able to hear their every word. Dean chuckles and nods, his scruff tickling Seth's throat, the grip around his waist only getting stronger.

Slightly offended, Seth accepts the birthday wishes from his big brother once Dean reluctantly released him, deciding to forgive Rome for that comment if his long overdue gift is a real breathtaker. So far, neither Dean nor Roman have given him any indications as to what it is and simple congratulations don't sweeten his tea. But he is waiting in vain, his family decides to let him suffer for as long as they want. He gets another embrace from Rome, the moment passing by without anyone giving him something with a ribbon on it.

What kind of birthday party is this? Are they intending to go out with him, even though they aren't allowed to be seen together in public? Roman's rule and everybody knows that that's the law. Why is no one talking to him? 'Alright, mystery-mongers, are we going to church?'

Dean tips against his nose, a proud smile flashing over his face. It's official now, Seth couldn't be more confused. They just _cannot_ go outside, not even if the destination is a holy house – and why the heck would they even want to go there? For the past two years they haven't been anywhere together and getting caught now that Seth and Roman finally have their feud and the Authority is no longer an issue – apparently, it needed a McMahon to beat the McMahons – would be more than just stupid.

Once Seth tweaked his knee they stopped making plans, since it was pretty much useless without him, but his absence had at least one good effect. Dean and Roman finally went their separate ways – which worked wonders on Seth's general wellbeing and recovery. His fiancé takes each day as it comes, letting Roman handle the title business without interfering. The Family turned into The Bloodline, which Seth celebrated alone at home with beer and greasy pizza because it meant that Dean was no longer a piece of decoration. He felt like a jerk for about two minutes before just being happy that he didn't have to watch his family be so freaking close on screen.

It was different when he was still on the road, meeting them in a motel late at night to stay with them until dawn. Sure, he had been ridiculously jealous – and it was easy to ignore the fact that he brought it all upon himself – but at least he was a part of everything.

Being benched however brought out the worst in him. That he helplessly had to watch his brothers together without being able to fool around with them in bed afterwards made everything worse. It also made him miss his job more than anything else. Not just because he could be close to his friends, and especially Dean, but also since he needs the adrenaline rush, the love and hatred of the fans, the physical challenges, the atmosphere.

He is back now, so that is in the past once and for all. And even though he is still a heel – to help Rome fight all these silly people booing him –, Seth will never forget the excited roar of the crowd when he appeared at Extreme Rules and made a statement by attacking his former tag team partner.

Since his brothers still torment him with their silence, he rolls his eyes and throws up his hands. 'Would you finally tell me what is going on here? Why the Barney Stinson cosplay? We look like some wannabe priests,' Seth gripes, flinching visibly when Dean yells _ha_ and watching puzzled how Roman grumpily throws a ten dollar bill at his best friend.

Is their birthday present a free trip to the asylum? Well, he probably wouldn't mind a day in the Ambrose Asy– no, forget that. Not even for all the money in the world.

'Excuse me?'

'You're excused,' Dean grins, stuffing the money into his trousers pocket. Seth can only blink, unsure of how to feel. Well, he should be bitter that they treat him like this – after asking him to come here, he might add – but as always, his curiosity lets him forget their weird behavior, so he swallows down his usual hissy fit and simply sighs defeated.

Which, at last, leads to one of them having mercy on his poor soul. 'Dean bet you'd mention _church_ and _priests_ before I could show you this,' Roman explains with his soft big brother voice – that immediately calms Seth down – holding out a thin white slip, while wearing an expecting, somewhat excited expression, as if Seth would know what to do now. If anything, his thoughts are spinning more and more out of control.

His family looks at him, patiently waiting for Seth to piece it all together. Just when he thinks he will never understand anything, it clicks. And his heart skips a beat.

Dean's suit isn't black, it is actually a nice shade of dark, velvety blue and his well-fitting shirt is as white as the clouds. Roman on the other hand is dressed completely in black, just like Seth. The only thing differentiating them is the white stripe Seth is still holding in his trembling fingers.

Last June, Dean had mocked him about this – or at least Seth thought it was something between a rib and a threat – but now he seems to be true to his word. This must be a dream. A whole year Seth had told himself that Dean had only suggested it because it would never happen anyway. He was so sure his man would be too afraid to go through with it. Huh, look at that. How the insecure can grow.

'This is not some childish prank to get back at me, is it?' he asks hesitantly, not quite convinced he really wants an answer. Dean groans annoyed – showing Seth very clearly that he's once again a stupid fool for not trusting his family – and nods towards Roman, who then proceeds to rummage through his suitcase until he finds a little folder. He opens it to hold out an official looking document that Seth doesn't take, but his eyes skim over the text at least a dozen times.

Out of the blue, Seth is getting unbelievably dizzy, even to the point he needs to steady himself, falling backwards against the door to rub over his temples and eyes as if that would bring him any more clarity. He isn't hallucinating and Dean is definitely not mocking him; his family really intends to go through with it. This is serious, that piece of paper Roman is still offering him with his amused grin and this whole scenario just prove it.

Tonight will mark the end of their personal trilogy and once again, Dean managed to turn something Seth screwed up into something magnificent.

'It's nothing we could brag about and it won't change a thing, we'd still have to hide 'n all, but– ya know,' Dean says hurriedly, catching on to the severity of the situation and fighting his still deep-rooted instinct to flee. He's suddenly as fidgety as Seth, which is so relieving and cute at the same time.

'It doesn't change anything?' he croaks out, disbelief almost turning into sarcasm, huffing loudly. This reshapes _everything_. Well, sort of. Okay, Dean is right, it doesn't but this is still the single most important step they ever took in their bumpy relationship. And this time, they'll take it together. 'You dressed up, looking real sharp by the way, and organized this surprise while knowing fully well what it would mean for us. And don't forget Rome here getting a shiny new certificate.'

Turning thirty was the best thing that has ever happened to him. Except for Dean. Or, rather, everything good is always connected directly to his brother. He really is the most blessed man alive.

'Happy birthday,' Rome repeats, bowing his head as Seth finally takes the document out of his hand, reading it one last time, just to make sure he is still wide awake.

_License of Minister_

_Roman Reigns_

_having received his calling and upon completion of all training requirements is ordained as a minister on the 2nd day of June, in the year of our Lord, two thousand and sixteen, with all rights, duties and privileges deriving therefrom._

_Signed, Bishop Thomas Edward Lance, Th. D._

'I'll be your priest tonight.'

Seth's ears ring, Roman's words echo in his head over and over, yet he still opens his mouth and miraculously manages to ask without his knees giving out, 'Are we seriously getting married tonight, in a Norman Bates motel, looking like the owners of a funeral home, just the three of us and with the ceremony being held by our brother?' Dean beams – radiating warmth, confidence and so much love that it completely overwhelms Seth –, entwining their fingers, speaking softly the only words he needs to hear.

'Wouldn't have it any other way.'

* * *

'So, this is it now. Forever you and me and nothing can intervene anymore,' Seth sigh cheerfully, wearing his wedding ring on his finger for the first time. He will keep it on the chain around his neck during the days, obviously, but this is a whole new feeling he wants to experience as often as possible.

Dean's mouth falls open and he grabs Roman by the collar, yanking their faces together so that their noses touch and yells overly dramatically, 'Ya never told me this was a forever kinda deal. Can I still opt out?'

He just married a total goofball and Seth loves every second of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. This is it. The epilogue to two incredible years. This fanfic was my baby (still is), but I think this is the perfect time to end it. As some of you might know, I wanted to finish with a Shield reunion (my foolish heart wanted to believe in a fast one when they broke up) but plans change. Stories change and LTWK kinda went its own way at one point. I let it run wild but I feel like I've come to my limits here. Not only do I strongly disagree with the way WWE treats Dean since 2014, I also don't like the direction Roman is heading to and quite frankly, I'm done making excuses for shitty booking. On the bright side, we get something far better than an on screen faction. **Family**. In every sense of the word. 
> 
> So, I want to thank each and every one of you for staying with me until now. It was a weird ride, with lots of ups and downs, but I think we did pretty good. _Let The World Know_ is over now, but don't be sad. A very cute Spaniard once said "esto no sea un adiós, sino un hasta luego". And I'll say the same to you. This isn't farewell; it's a see you later. I really appreciate what all of you did for this fic - without you I wouldn't have had the energy to keep writing for two years - and I'm looking forward to see you around again. Maybe even in LTHI *wink*


End file.
